THE NEW O.J. SHIRT
I think our graphic designer came up with a tits shirt right here. It's always healthy to poke fun at a school that takes pride in their murderers. The shirt will be available starting Thursday morning for $17 on the store page.

YOU CAN'T SPELL TROJANS WITHOUT OJ

This cartoon is highly inappropriate thus the reason why I decided to put it on here. I think it is about time for a good OJ shirt for Mr. Heisman. I never knew OJ talked just like Isiah Thomas. I'm thinking we could make a great reality show starring these two degenerates.

PLAY OF THE WEEK

JP Wilson's throw to Caddell for the game winning touchdown against Arkansas was a thing of beauty. It took me a while to remember the play because I was a little sauced at the time but I figured I would replay it here on this rootin tootin blog. Fucking Saban.

WHAT THE FUCK?

Yes people, that is no other than Oscar De La Hoya dressed up as a drag queen. I guess boxers still do blow because there is no way to explain this. I don't care how drunk you get or how funny you think you are, you have to be a switch hitter to dress like that. You get a pass if it is Halloween and your wife/girlfriend is taking the pictures, but it appears Oscar has his own little trick and treat action going on behind the scenes.

I'm not sure what the world is coming to when a boxing great is so clearly not masculine. I wonder what the Vegas odds were on this kind of shit happening? Is it just me or does he kind of look good in the fishnet stockings?

Right, I think I should just go now...

RANDOM BASEBALL JOKE

Three fans are walking to Fenway Park for the Red Sox-Yankees playoff series, when they see a foot sticking out of some bushes. An inspection revealed a dead-drunk naked woman. One man placed his Orioles baseball cap on her right breast. The Red Sox fan placed his cap on her left breast, and the Yankee fan put his over her crotch. They then called the police.

The cop lifted up the Orioles cap, and made a few notes. He then lifted the Red Sox cap and made more notes. Then he lifted the Yankees cap, put it down, lifted it again and put it down. When he lifted it the third time the Yankee fan said, ''What are you doing? Are you some kind of pervert, or what?'' The cop said, I was just confused, usually when I see a Yankee cap, there's an asshole under it.''

GEORGIA IN FEAR OF SABAN

According to Carter Strickland of the Atlanta Journal and Constitution, Coach Mark Richt has closed practices in favor of privacy while preparing for Alabama this week. One can only presume that Richt is nervous of the Saban, a disciple of Bill Belicheater.

Coach(Nick Saban) just happened to work for Bill Belichick at one time. Belichick was fined for spying in the NFL two weeks ago.

"You just don't know what can come out," Richt said. "We wanted to get it as tight as we could get it."

Georgia has been increasingly sensitive about other teams possibly knowing its offensive plays. Richt avoided that direct line of questioning and instead offered this:

"Everybody is a little bit paranoid that a little bit of information is getting out that could make a difference," he said.

As for an opponent coming in and watching practice, Richt highly doubts that would happen.

"I would be shocked," Richt said. "You would have to hire somebody to go and act like he is somebody else and I don't think they would do that."

First Saban lies to people in Louisania and Florida, then he takes away the SECPoon, and now he is suspected of spying on his opponents.

Something must be done about this Saban fella. True the guy has the Tide back in the top 25 and more than likely they will beat Georgia this week because they already know all of offensive coordinator's Mike Bobo play calls (hell, I know them and I've only watched two games)but this guy is as moral as a Catholic priest with his hand on a boy's knee.

I know Georgia fans hate Steve Spurrier because of his frank demeanor and statements and overall record against the Dawgs but I think Saban should be their new #1 enemy.

Don't fear the Saban...slay the beast before he takes over the SEC again.

BOOK EM HORNS


James Henry(lovely mug shot to the right) is the latest winner in the contest of who can get arrested while playing for the Texas Longhorns. A backup reserve RB and special team player for Mack Brown's squad, Henry is the 6th Longhorn to be arrested in the last two months. He has been charged with two felony counts of obstruction and tampering with evidence in accordance with the investigation of a July home invasion that allegedly involved two other players, Andre Jones and Robert Joseph.

He has been suspended from the team indefinitely from the team according to Brown.

What the hell is going on in Austin? I can understand a few players making mistakes but these Longhorns are not getting arrested for minor offenses like jaywalking or underage drinking. Supposedly Henry went over to the house were the burglary took place and brandished out his own justice to the people who were accusing his teammates of theft.

Henry said he "went over there and whupped" one of the victims, who told police they were thrown on the ground and punching and kicked in the head several times.

Sounds like a stand-up individual looking out for his homies. What is the college football world coming to when you can't simply kick some body's ass for snitching? I think we can all blame this on OJ Simpson and Michael Vick. Clearly they have set a bad example for all black athletes including myself. Oh wait, I'm not black...I'm European-American.

Our new slogan for the Longhorns is "Book Em Horns!" Clearly a shirt needs to be made. Any suggestions?

NOTHING LIKE SOME GOOD OLD ROOKIE HAZING

The Boston Red Sox, otherwise known as the Yankees impersonators, had their annual rookie hazing tradition yesterday. Usually you don't see videos of this because cameras aren't suppose to be allowed but the Red Sox decided to forget the norm. I think my favorite part is seeing Dice-K and his interpreter in TeleTubbie outfits. They look like two gay midgets getting ready for a jello fight. Speaking of midgets, where the hell is 2b Dustin Pedroia? I guess the little fucker takes enough ridicule on the road that his team mates didn't want to hurt his feelings anymore. I would have dressed him up in an Oompa Loompa outfit, blindfolded him, spin him around for about 30 seconds and then let him run around the clubhouse. Now that would be entertaining. Hell they could put it on Pay-Per-View and call it "When Midgets attack clubhouses."

Oh yeah, the Red Sox and the Yankees are more than likely going to make the playoffs. The sad and unfunny truth, in other words the Dane Cook law, is that we will again be force fed their stupid rivalry up until 2080.

GATORS FINALLY GO DOWN

Okay, well, it's only a student at the University of Florida who was arrested and tasered at a John Kerry event at a campus forum but at least it's entertaining.

I'm loving the screams of "what did I do?"

You are acting like an idiot dipshit. I love democracy and I believe we should all have the right to free speech, but a part of me loves seeing this kid named Andrew Meyer the Cryer (no apparent relation to Urban, but he sounds like him) going down hard for acting like he is better than everybody. Sure he may be better than John Kerry, shit, who isn't? The guy lost to George Bush for heaven's sake.

But one thing you will learn as you get older: You are never better than the cops! No matter how many drinks you have had.

Ask OJ.

VOTE ON THE BOND'S BALL
Apparently the guy who just won the bidding on the Barry Bond's record setting bullshit ball has started a website called Vote756.com in order for the nation to determine what he should do with the ball. Before I found out about this I was going to chastise whom ever bought the ball for being a Bond's soul less cocksucker. Now after seeing the website created by the winner Mark Ecko, I think I might go down on the fucker. Pure brilliance on his part. Anyways, I voted to send the ball to outer space because there was no choice of shooting it up either Bud Selig or Peter Angelos ass. This is democracy at it's finest people. Get over there and vote. And if you really hate Bonds and what he stands for go buy this shirt.

RANDOM JOKE



The Shiny-Walled Box Thingie

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a nearby mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that moved apart and back together again by themselves.
The lad asked, "What is this, father?"

The father, having never seen an elevator, responded, "I have no idea what it is."


While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched as small circles lit up above the walls.

The walls opened up again and a beautiful twenty-four-year-old woman stepped out.

The father looked at his son anxiously and said, "Go get your mother."

JIMMY CLAUSEN FOR HEISMAN

Brian over at MGOBlog got the comedy of offensive line errors video from a guy with too much time on his hand. I hate to beat a dead horse but honestly, what the fuck are the offensive lineman doing? Is it too complicated to block the guy with the other jersey in front of you? I think we should ask Homer Simpson what he thinks about the state of Notre Dame football right now. Oh wait, here we go...

D OH!

TIME TO FIX THE PROBLEM

I never thought I would see the day where I actually thought in my head that Notre Dame is the worst team in college football. I'm dead serious. Notre Dame is absolutely pathetic right now and I honestly don't see how it's going to get better. They are a lost team without a leader. If I was Jabba the coach I would start every freshmen and sophomore on the roster and pray you don't lose any of your recruits you have coming in because frankly they could start right away on this team.

WEEKEND FORECAST
It's time to give some predictions now with 2 solid weeks under our belt.

USC AT NEBRASKA(+10)
The last time these two teams played it was a joke, USC blew them out in the Coliseum. This year will be different. Nebraska has a running game led by Marlon Lucky that can put some yards on a soft Trojan defense. Yes, despite all their studs this is the PAC-10, and their defense is softer than Peter North after an eight ball. USC will win, but they are not covering.

Prediction: USC 28 Nebraska 24

Tennessee(+8) at Florida
I've been going back and forth with this game all week. The Gators have looked really strong against inferior competition and the Vols looked really bad against Cal. But these games usually are close, tough battles. I think it will be a shootout between Tim Tebow and Erik Ainge. I wouldn't be surprised if Ainge outplays Tebow and keeps the Vols in the game, perhaps with a 4th quarter lead. But Tebow pulls the grace of God out of his arse and wins the game for the Gators with a TD run even though everybody, and I mean everybody, knows it's coming.

Prediction: Florida 35, Tennessee 31

Texas(-19) at Central Florida
Texas running game is going to prove too tough for the Fightin O'Learys. The Longhorns finally get their shit together and flex their muscle in this one. Watch out for Mark May and the rest of the ESPN dipshits to jump on the Longhorn bandwagon after the game.

Prediction: Texas 42, Central Florida 10

Louisville at Kentucky(+7.5)
This game has upset special written all over it. The Wildcats can hang with Louisville's potent attack because they have Andre Woodson and Rafael Little. Both guys will have great games. The problem is so will Brian Brohm. These two teams don't have much defense, so in other words it will probably be a low scoring game because these kind of games always fuck the Vegas over/under line(which I believe is at 135 right now). Louisville avoids the upset..barely.

Prediction: Louisville 38 Kentucky 35

Ohio State(-4.5) at Washington
Huskies sensation Jake Locker meets a real defense for the first time. It could get ugly.

Prediction: Ohio State 28 Washington 10

Boston College at Georgia Tech(-7)
Backup College vs. the Nerds...oh the humanity! Tech's defense and running game will be too tough for Matt Ryan and his golden showers.

Prediction: Georgia Tech 31 Boston College 20

Arkansas(+4) at Alabama
You know what, fuck Dick Saban for taking off the SECPoon. You don't ever piss off the Poonlovers. D-MAC and Felix go nuts and all hell breaks loose in Tuscaloosa. Hide your daughters or nieces Saban, a reckoning is upon us.

Prediction: Arkansas 24 Alabama 17

Notre Dame(+7.5) at Michigan
It's all about survival now. Two storied programs in the depths of hell but one can rise out of the ashes and take back their season. It's freshmen sensations Jimmy Clausen vs. Ryan Mallett. It's Mike Hart's guarantee vs. Corwin Brown's new defense. More than likely it will get ugly, very ugly.

Prediction: Notre Dame 3 Michigan 2

So there you have it poopdicks. Have fun, drink beer, watch tons of football, and get laid for Virgin's sake.

COLLEGE FOOTBALL PICK EM CONTEST
For those who are participating in the Sportscrack College Football Pick Em Contest, you need to get your picks in if you want to win a free Sportscrack shirt of your choice.

Last week our lucky winner was Bryan Dean of Georgia. With the win Bryan not only assured himself a place in heaven and a permanent spot in the Sportscrack Hall of Fame, but he also got two free shirts. I've been assured from Bryan himself that the ladies are loving him a lot lately since he has been sporting his Sportscrack swag. He even sent me a video which I thought was a little inappropriate but it wouldn't be right to not show you the love he has enjoyed...


So get those picks in people, you could be the winner of a lovely new shirt.
Here are the two new ones we just introduced...

DID SABAN KILL THE SEC POON?
I just got the word from Adam over at Mac Gs World that the unholy of all holliness has happened at the hands of the evil pig fucker we all know as Nick Saban.

Brace yourself people, back away from anything breakable and go to a quiet room where you can scream all you want and nobody will care: THE SECPOON HAS BEEN KILLED BY SABAN.

Apparently the SECPoon displayed a picture of Saban's niece and all hell broke loose. Satan..excuse me, Saban worshipping blood seeking gouge your eyes out lawyers have contacted the SECPoon and made a threat. I wish I had more information but my head is spinning worse than the first time I drank Golden Grain. How could this happen? Why would anyone want to get rid of the wonderful and glorious pictures of SECPoon?

I'm starting to get a case of Muhammad Ali shakes.

You got till 5 o'clock to make everything right Saban. You got that Saban, don't make a fool out of me...

SHADY BRADY AND BILL BELICHEAT

Well, Roger Godell and the NFL slayed down the law last night on the Patriots and I guess it depends on what side you are on if you think it is justice. My honest view was it wasn't enough. I hate it when you give multimillionaires run by billionaires fines. It just doesn't stick with these guys, they will continue to cheat. Look at baseball. If you told major leaguers the first time they got caught for illegal performance enhancing drugs they would be suspended for the rest of their career you know damn well what would happen....MLB would be boring. Anyways, I thought it was funny how the guys over at BarStoolSports view the way Godell handled it. Apparently everybody cheats in their mind and so the Patriots and Belicheat should have gotten off with a gentle spanking. If I was the commish and thank god I'm not (it doesn't pay enough)I would have made the Patriots forfeit the game and give up first round draft picks for the next few seasons to their division rivals.

I think that would have sent a clear message to everybody in the NFL that this espionage/counter intelligence stealing signs bull shit is not tolerated. And if it is please tell me who is doing it so I can make the right bet with my bookie. At least have that dignity right?

MY FIRST PREDICTION AGAINST THE SPREAD
Okay, I've gotten two weeks of watching the lovely boob tube filled with college football delight and I am ready to lay down my first bet. First off, I have to warn you that a lot of my viewing, wait, all of my viewing has been with my lovely roommate of choice named NewCastle. She is brown and I love her oh so much. Also I must warn you I'm originally from Maryland and both of my parents attended Garyland as I call it. So I could be a little bias but who gives a fuck, it's only money right? It's not like it buys happiness, that is what hookers are for. Just ask the Republican party.

Anyways, the current line is -17 in favor of the West Virginia Mountaineers. The game is in College Park and yes I know Maryland has beaten two vagina's in Villanova and Florida International (isn't that the airport where drugs get smuggled in?)but I got this feeling Maryland can hang with their border rivals.

We all know that West Virginia absolutely destroyed Maryland in the first quarter last year in Morgantown thanks to the beast I call Patty Slaton. They ran all over the Terps, gouging them inside their turtle shells with incestuous hands. This year will be different. Maryland will hang with them because QB Jordan Steffy won't turn the ball over in the first half. We all know that Big East defenses are about as defenseless as Jim Tressel's brown eye (yes, I just went there Bucknuts)so there should be a lot of points put on the board. Jabba the Friedgen will draw up a game plan that will utilize RB Keon Lattimore, the younger brother of murderer extraordinaire turned bible-beater Ray Lewis.

West Virginia will win the game, but they won't cover the 17.

Mountaineers 35
Maryland 28



Lattimore looks to slash through his opponents like his big brother.

FCU WITH BILL MURRAY

2% MILK
100% MURRAY

RANDOM JOKE

Rubber Check

A man walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for a pack of condoms. Paying for them, he bursts into laughter and walks out of the store. The next day he comes in again, again buys condoms, and again walks out laughing. Thinking this is somewhat strange, the pharmacist asks his assistant to follow the man if he comes back. Sure enough, the man comes in the next day and walks out laughing. This time the assistant goes after him, returning 20 minutes later.

"So did you follow him?" asks the pharmacist.

"Yup."

"Where did he go?"

"Your house."