TIM TEBOW'S #1 FAN
You would think being one of the best quarterbacks in the nation has it's perks and well it does. But it is people like this who wear their love for their favorite player and/or team literally on their skin that make all the hard work and dedication worth it.

Here is to you Mr. T-Bone lover you....

We got the perfect shirt for you pal...

TOM CRUISE IS A COCK-BLOCK

MATT RYAN KILLS THE HOKIES
No, he is not Korean or a psycho for that matter, but Ryan picked himself off the Matt so to speak and led Boston College back to an improbable win in the final two minutes of the snore fest last night. Here are the highlights from the game winning drive in case you missed it, which is 97% likely...

The only thing missing in this highlight of Ryan running around for his life is Chris Berman making stupid clown noises while scratching his toupee.

So does the performance help or hinder Matt Ryan's Heisman chances? His performance was terrible the first 3 and a half quarters. The Hokies continued to deliver bullet after bullet to a confused and bewildered Ryan, but he finished the game with a line of 25-52 with two touchdowns and two interceptions. The game winning touchdown pass was a thing of beauty and being the dick he is Ryan silenced the Hokies faithful for the first time since...well, you know.

Any guy with the first name of Matt is a complete asshole! At least that is what I have been told my whole life.

GEORGIA VS. FLORIDA

VS.

(pictures courtesy of SECPoon)

We got ass on the line here for the World's Largest Cocktail Party. Who ya got? The current ass line has it in favor of Florida by nine points. Seems like a big spread but I guess that comes with the territory when the Gators have won 15 of the last 17 matchups. We all know about Tim Tebow and how the world revolves around his member in Gainesville and how it hasn't been "violated" supposedly because the kid is more Christian than Kirk Cameron. I know, I call bullshit on that too. And we all know about Matthew Stafford and the pictures in Talladega which inspired a great drinking shirt.

But I want to know what the Sportscrack nation is thinking before I make my bet. So go over to the poll on the upper right corner of this glorious blog and make your pick. We are going to make this bet as a team.

BOSTON TAKES 2-0 WORLD SERIES LEAD
The Red Sox look unstoppable right now but you know what, I'm not going to let that bother me. Sure, I hate the Red Sox and their fans and I am sick and tired of ESPN kissing their ass every chance they get. But you know what, there are more important things to worry about than a little baseball game played between millionaires who bang more chicks in one travel week than most normal people do in their whole life time.

Actually, no there isn't.

You ever wonder if Matsuzaka(who has blown by the way) and Okajima bang the same chicks on the road and scream "Bonzai" right before they Jackson Pollack a lucky lassie? Okay, maybe it's just me. Or does Dustin Pedroia only date supermodels because they make him feel like a little kid all over again?

I don't know where I'm going with this post, but I figured I would give you guys some eye candy for having to read it. Don't say I never do anything for you...

Consider this a peace offering Boston fans.

W IS FOR WILDFIRES

Poor Californians. Hell, poor Americans. God I love this country.

TOP 10
I'm a little late with the new Sportscrack Top 10 because I thought I posted it on Monday but apparently I didn't. So here you go, here is the new top 10 which will more than likely look totally different by next week.

1. Ohio State Buckeyes-There, you happy, I got the Buckeyes as the new #1. I don't feel good about it and in fact I feel a little dirty putting them here. They have Penn State this week in Happy Valley at night. Count on Anthony Morelli to make at least two bonehead mistakes to ruin a potential upset.


2. Oklahoma Sooners-Talk about sleep walking, the Sooners looked like Anna Nicole with clown makeup last week against Iowa State. At least we can all laugh off the terrible performance by the Sooners because it didn't kill their BCS chances. Anna Nicole not so much.

3. LSU Tigers-Les Miles has to be the dumbest, luckiest fuck since George Bush got re elected. I mean seriously, this guy could kill like ten prostitutes and still not get caught. Oh wait, that would make him Pete Carroll and we all know Miles isn't that dirty.

4. Boston College Eagles-Their special teams are terrible and the Hokies have good special teams. It's in Blacksburg on a Thursday night. The Hokies are 3 point favorites just like Rutgers was last week when they beat South Florida. Can I spell it out for you any further?

5. Oregon Ducks-The Ducks are the only legitimate team in the PAC-10 that can contend for a BCS berth at this point. Arizona State is fool's gold and USC lost to Stanford but if Oregon doesn't start to play better defense they will lose starting this week in Eugene against the Trojans.

6. Arizona State SunDevils-Rudy Carpenter and Dennis Erickson will get their first good test this Saturday against Cal. Win the game and they can be viewed as legit for at least another week. Lose and we can all kick them in their junk and point at them while shouting "I told you so!"

7. Florida Gators-If the Gators were in any other conference right now they would more than likely be undefeated. This team can battle and last week's win against Kentucky shows this team has the heart of a champion.

8. West Fuckin Virginia-I hate to say it Mountaineer fans and trust me I hope I'm wrong, but I can see you winning out the rest of your games starting this week in Piscataway and still not having a chance to reach the BCS Championship.

9. Kansas Jayhawks-I'm going to be honest and say I haven't seen them play this year. I don't see the Manginos running the table but I see they don't have the Longhorns or the Sooners on their schedule. Lucky fuckers.

10. South Florida Bulls-Man, I was pulling so hard for the Bulls. So hard I was screaming at Grothe the whole second half to throw the damn ball. They better regroup fast, UCONN is no pushover.

JUST MISSED THE CUT: Kentucky, Missouri, Michigan, USC, Cal

WORLD SERIES PREDICTION
I figured I would do a bunch of research and see how the Boston Red Sox and Colorado Rockies match up in our annual Fall Classic but then I remembered I'm a lazy drunk with serious ADD problems. Seriously, I can't remember how many times I have forgotten where I put my beer only to pick up the one which one of my asshole buddies has left full of dip spit.

But anyways what was I talking about?

Oh yeah, the World Series. I'm not going to lie I didn't think the Red Sox would make the World Series let alone the playoffs when they signed JD Drew in the off season. And of course I had no idea the Rockies would be God's team and go on a Godly win streak just to make the playoffs. So here we sit with the hated Red Sox going against the upstart Jesus freaks out of Colorado. We have the self loathing, narcissistic butt plugs from New England fan base against the tree hugging, care less about baseball would rather be skiing with Buffy crowd from Colorado. So who wins?

On the surface it would appear the Red Sox have a clear advantage in regards to starting pitching, bullpen, and overall lineup. But seriously, throw all that shit out because it doesn't matter. If you think I'm an idiot just look at what the St. Louis Cardinals did last season. They were a really average if not bad team but somehow made the playoffs due to playing in a dickless division and yet they still won the whole damn thing despite Kenny Rogers blatant cheating and Jim Leyland's chain smoking fatties in between every pitching change.

So I looked for signs, you know, stuff that God tells you when you do too many shots of Jack Daniels so you start mixing Red Bull with Vodka and call yourself a "real drinker." Pussies drink Red Bull. I say this because I had a Red Bull one time and I shit worse than after eating a ten pack of Taco Bell shacos* at 1 am after drinking a case of Natty Light. Ah the good times of drinking away a good education. Searching for signs I figured I would look for the best looking chicks among their fan bases. Boston Red Sox fans are mostly dudes and the few women out there are straight Tabasco to the cornea. Colorado probably has good looking women but it's too fucking cold there so they all move to California by the time they are done with college.

I dug, I drank, I pissed, and I flipped the channels until my finger tips bleed looking for just one sign to give me an idea of who will win. It's the gambler's mentality in my head. Fuck logic, where has that ever gotten me besides blistering sores that shouldn't exist below the belt?

And finally I found it in the depths of what was once a baseball hell sitting with a jersey with the name of the guy who will make the difference in this series...



Nothing like a bulls eye on the lower back to tell everybody your game.

Red Sox in 7.

*shacos=shit tacos

THE NFL IS SO HUGE...
even retards apparently watch it.


Must deny craving for Jewish food...ahhhh!!!

I don't even want to think of what this person did with her thumb when they won their last Super Bowl.

WAIT A SECOND, ALABAMA SWALLOWS?

Head over to Deepsouthsports to get the lowdown on this classy broad.

AMERICA'S BIGGEST DOUCHE ROOTING FOR THE RED SOX

You needed yet another reason not to vote for the guy, well here you go. Former New York mayor and all around douchebag Rudy Giuliani is rooting for the Red Sox in the World Series.

That's right folks, the self proclaimed biggest Yankees fan in the world is rooting for their hated rival.

"I'm rooting for the Red Sox," the Republican presidential contender Tuesday told a Boston audience, just a few T stops from Fenway Park.

"I'm an American League fan, and I go with the American League team, maybe with the exception of the Mets. Maybe that would be the one time I wouldn't because I'm loyal to New York."

If you are a serious fan of the Yankees there is no way you can root for the Red Sox under any circumstance. I'm an Orioles fan and I hope the Red Sox get their asses handed to them by the Rockies only because the Red Sux are in our division.

So stop with the "I'm an American League fan" bullshit Giuliani and stick to your New York roots. And please stop mentioning 9/11 every fucking time you have a speech. We know you were there. We watched. The real heroes are the firefighters, the policemen and women,the troops, and the citizens who didn't use the tragedy as a platform to go for a political seat but rather did it because they actually care for their fellow human beings.

And before I get the hate mail let it be known that I have hated Giuliani ever since he gave Jeffrey Maier a key to the city for cheating. I'm all about forgiving people but seriously, fuck those two douchebags.

Is it just me or does this kind of look like two dudes about to make out on the beach?

For what it's worth the picture is of Tom Brady and Giselle Bundchen making out in Miami last week. I think I might be turning gay because I can't help but notice Giselle has kind of a man face going on, like a Steffi Graf kind of deal. I'm looking at this picture and I'm thinking in my head "she looks more like Superman than super model."

Damn, I think I just grossed myself out staring at that dude's chest on the right. Lift some weights pussy!

IRISH LAND ANOTHER STAR RECRUIT
Some how, some way, Notre Dame is still killing in recruiting. They just picked up the #3 tailback in the nation in Jonas Gray, who was previously committed to Nebraska. Don't ask me how or why, but Notre Dame is going to have the #1 recruiting class this season if they can manage to keep all of their verbal commitments.

Now if they lose to Navy or Duke all bets are off. Only then will Notre Dame be really, truly fucked. And I'm not talking about the good fuck where you wake up the next morning and thank God for letting you get a little slice of heaven in the piece of the angel lying next to you. No, I'm talking about the demented fucked-up shit of getting caught with your pants down in Deliverance and Pulp Fiction type of situation.

Yes, I just took you there Zed, now squeal like a pig.

IRISH LAND 5 STAR RECEIVER
Call me crazy but it appears the Notre Dame coaching staff can recruit a hell of a lot better than they coach this year. Despite a terrible performance again on Saturday against arch rival USC, Notre Dame secured a commitment from Michael Floyd, a 6'3 punishing big-play threat receiver they missed out last season when Arrelious Benn chose Illinoi$.

Here is some video highlights of Mike Floyd along with some comments from Mr. Turtleneck.
In fact the Irish now have 20 commitments who are all either at the top of their class in rankings or near it. Here is an article from Scout.com's Mike Frank on the recent success on the Irish recruiting trail which is located at this link:

"The news of five-star wide receiver Michael Floyd committing to Notre Dame over the weekend lifted the spirits of Irish fans after a disappointing loss to USC this past weekend. It also sparked my memory to how well this Irish coaching staff recruits. I think you might even be surprised by how well they're doing.

Anyone who has followed my work over the years knows that I always say one thing about recruiting. I don't care about stars. I only care about knowing which players the Irish wanted early, and how many they landed in the end. That is how I believe you should judge a recruiting class. Rankings are biased, and some players just can't be recruited by Notre Dame. Some are also not a good fit for Notre Dame.

The very first offers that go out by the Irish coaching staff are almost always their top players at any particular position. It's important to know this because then you can judge how well they're doing as the recruiting season unfolds. Using this method of measurement, this staff is hitting a grand slam thus far this year. Let's take a look.

On September 1, 2006, Notre Dame was allowed to offer any junior they wanted in compliance with NCAA regulations. The Irish offered four players on September 1, 2006, Steve Filer, Michael Floyd, Dan Buckner, and Trevor Robinson . Obviously, all four were very high on Notre Dame's wish list, and they currently have two committed and are sitting in pretty good shape with Robinson. If Robinson commits, they'd go 3-for-4 on these four important recruits. But their high hit rate doesn't stop there. Let's take a look.

Quarterback

The Irish coaching staff offered one player—Dayne Crist—and they landed him. Notre Dame was very high on his very strong arm, mobility, and his ability to process information quickly. Many feel Crist has more "upside" than Jimmy Clausen. He has the five-star ranking to back those claims.

Running back

The Irish missed on a few, but that is to be expected considering two freshmen are playing a large role in the Irish offense. Darrell Scott was Notre Dame's first offer, but he showed little interest. The Irish then offered a number of players all at the same time including Ryan Williams, Carlton Thomas, Cyrus Gray and Sam McGuffie. They have recently offered Jonas Gray after he officially visited this weekend. The Irish have a good shot to land at least one of those left on the board. I think they'll only take one--Cyrus or Jonas Gray being the most likely of the bunch. While they didn't get their top guy, they'll be getting a great one none the less.

Wide Receiver

The Irish came out of the gate offering both Floyd and Buckner. Buckner chose Texas over the summer and they then sent out another offer to John Goodman. Right now they have two out of their top three. That is outstanding. The staff will likely want another player, and Jonathan Baldwin , Chris Harper, Deion Walker and Gerell Robinson are still left on the board. All are currently ranked in the top 110 players on Scout.com.

Tight End

Kyle Rudolph is universally known as the top tight end in the country. He was their first offer and he's committed. They then offered three other tight ends— Joseph Fauria, Blake Ayles and Jacob Stoneburner. Fauria, the perfect compliment to Rudolph, committed on his unofficial visit to Notre Dame over the spring. Again, outstanding work by the Irish staff.

Offensive line

The Irish offered Robinson right out of the gate and they have a great shot to land him. The Irish staff then sent out a number of offers early in the year including offers to Mike Adams, Michael Brewster, Braxston Cave, Mike Golic, Jr. , Josh Jenkins, Stephen Good, Lane Clelland and Art Forst. They all pretty much went out at the same time. Thus far the Irish have three of those players committed and are looking for at least one more. Kenneth Page was offered early in the summer, and also is a strong possibility for the Irish. Notre Dame has missed on a number of the above, but they've also landed three and look good for two others at this point. Robinson's commitment would be big for this group, as would Page, but Robinson was obviously very high on their wish list being the first offensive lineman offered.

Nose Tackle

The Irish offered four players right out of the gate—Omar Hunter, Marcus Forston, Brandon Newman and Hafis Williams. I'd say you're doing pretty well when you land three out of your first four offers. I still believe Corwin Brown could've landed Forston had the other two not committed. An outstanding job done by the Irish staff with this much needed position.

Defensive end

Ethan Johnson and Sean Cwynar were the first two players offered at defense end. Chancey Aghayere, Kapron Lewis-Moore and Garrett Goebel we also offered later, but the Irish landed the top two guys they offered. Again, outstanding work by the Irish staff.

Linebacker

Notre Dame needed linebackers in this class, and they went out and offered a ton of linebackers early. Steve Filer was obviously a high priority—mission accomplished. The Irish also offered a number of players like Arthur Brown, Shayne Hale, David Posluszny, Anthony McDonald, Andrew Sweat, Darius Fleming, Brendan Beal and Etienne Sabino. The Irish wanted at least four and got four of their top guys. Yes, Brown and Hale were probably more coveted than some others, but they landed four outstanding prospects out of this group. The only real disappointment was Sabino, but we all know Corwin Brown did all he could to land him. Again, another fantastic job by the Irish coaching staff.

Defensive back

The Irish wanted two corners and one safety in this class. Will Hill and Dan McCarthy were the two safeties offered—both at the same time—they landed McCarthy. Robert Blanton, Jamoris Slaughter and Patrick Johnson were offered at cornerback. They landed Slaughter and Blanton. I'd say that is a very good hit rate.

Notre Dame did look hard at T.J. Bryant, and I'm sure they would've offered him as well eventually, but I'm not sure he was qualified to be admitted into Notre Dame at that early part of the recruiting process.

Final Totals

If you're keeping score, the Irish have now landed at least one of their top two targets at quarterback, wide receiver, tight end, nose tackle, defensive end, linebacker, corner and safety. They still have a chance to land their top player at offensive line.

While not all of these players are considered the top player at their position by Scout.com, they are the top players the Irish identified, qualified, and had interest in Notre Dame. Some players just had no interest, which happens to all schools. But, these were Notre Dame's very top targets of those available to recruit. As a fan, you can't ask for anything more than that.

The Notre Dame football season has been a tough pill to swallow for all Irish fans. Nobody is happy with the results, but better days are just ahead. The next time you feel the urge to vent and take out your frustrations, I strongly recommend you re-read this article. It will give you some perspective of what should be on the way.

The now 20 commitments represent the most talented recruiting class ever assembled at Notre Dame."

Great, now if only we could coach them up for Crist's sake(pun intended).

FINALLY, SOMEBODY SAID IT
I wish I could take credit for this but I can't. This is straight from the mouth of Kissing Suzy Kolber, one of the great blogs out there unlike my piece of shit blog which gets by on fart and boob jokes. Anyways, it's a "Guide to Being an Insufferable A--hole S--tface F--kface Fan of Boston-Area Sports Team."

With the Red Sox advancing to the World Series, Boston College still undefeated, KG moving to the Celtics, and this year’s Patriots in the process of becoming the best team in the history of the NFL (and you’re deluding yourself if you can't accept the reality of that), we are on the verge of witnessing a perfect storm of douchebaggery emanating from the greater Boston area. We’re talking the absolute zenith of self-important fuckfacery. The sky will turn pitch black and rain vinegar upon us all.

I have done all that I can to stop this. I’ve offered bounties, yet NFL defenders remain too dumb, and NFL defensive coaches too incompetent to call for a drop kick right to Tom Brady’s patella. We at KSK have also tried repeatedly hammering the point home that Bill Simmons is a fucking douchebag (see below, or just wait for the next post). It’s a like a political talking point: the more often we say it, the more likely it is to stick in your brain, regardless of whether or not you actually believe it (“Oh, Bill Simmons? Yeah, he’s a douche. No, wait! I kinda used to like him! Damn you, KSK!"). But those efforts have done nothing to stem this growing doucheflood.

We are left with two options. The first option is to cultivate the hatred the rest of the nation has for these people, so that, even when the Patriots or Red Sox win, they cannot savor the victory fully. After all, if there’s any group of fans that has a “Why can’t you be happy for us?” mentality, it’s New England sports fans. Not only do they act douchey when they win. But they fully expect you to jump on the bandwagon with them. Witness Simmons’ infamous Pats-hater bitchfest from earlier in the year, one of the sorriest sports columns ever written.

Boston fans fail to grasp a standard rule of sports fandom, which is: Any team that wins a title that is not your team is fucking annoying. It doesn’t matter how the other team won. They’re not YOUR team, so they can eat a fat dick. Fuck this “appreciating” other teams shit. Normal fans don’t do that. At least Cowboy and Yankee fans have a solid understanding of just why people can’t fucking stand them. But Mickey from Natick? Nope, he’s not gonna grasp that concept. In fact, he’s not gonna grasp much of anything.

So that’s one option. But there is another option, and is, of course, to join them. Is this a lame thing to do? Oh, yeah. Total fuckhead move. But hey, maybe you’re a Dolphins fan and you’ve abandoned all hope. Maybe becoming a dipshit asshole cumguzzler like Jimmy Fallon is your only way to stay happy. I don’t approve, but I’m not here to judge. We at KSK are here for the people, so we’ve come up with a few rules, listed below, of just how to turn yourself into one of these fans. One bonus of becoming an insufferable Boston bandwagon fan is that it gives the rest of us extra ammunition to want to gut New England fans with a paring knife, which I’m more than okay with. Hate feels good. It really gets me through my day.

Lest you think these rules are farcical, I assure you they are not. No one knows the psyche of New England sports fans quite like I do. I went to dipshit prep school in New England. I went to college in New England. My parents have lived in Connecticut for the past 17 years. You might even call me a “total fucking hypocrite,” which is more than fair. I’ve been in the heart of the douche. I’ve worn the fleece. I’ve heard all the God Street Wine songs. I know what it’s all about. I had plenty of opportunities to join the brood. Despite my own history of wanton douchebaggery, I resisted. But I’m still enough of a preppy dicksmack to help you reach your goal. Here now, is how you become one of “them”:

1. Use Manny Ramirez to justify all your stereotypes about Latin Americans, but do NOT use David Ortiz to refute any of them.

2. Bitch about Dane Cook “representing” you while, at the same time, rocking his exact same haircut.

3. Boast about Bill Belichick’s strategic genius as if it is somehow indirectly your doing. You’ll see plenty of New England fans, when seeing another coach fuck up, say to you, “Now, would Belichick do something like that? Hell no. He’d do it totally different.” You see, pointing out Belichick’s acumen is a way of trying to pass it off as your own. He’s smart, which makes you smart! Talk about Belichick the same way a proud father boasts about his child prodigy. You won’t be any more intelligent. In fact, you’ll still be a fucking eggplant. But you’ll feel more intelligent, and that’s nice.

4. Own $1,000 worth of Red Sox merchandise, but no Patriots merchandise whatsoever. The lone exception: The Wes Welker jersey. Pats fans love Wes Welker because he’s white. Just like them! They also love Tedi Bruschi, because he’s kinda white. And hey, that’s not bad either.

5. Be sure to boast about all the hot chicks Tom Brady gets to nail. Because that’s totally something for YOU to brag about.

6. Complain earnestly about how many ads Peyton Manning appears in while continuing to brag about the Pats' O-line being Brady's five layers of protection. Lord knows Brady's never been in an ad for Stetson, or Movado, or Gap, or any of that shit.

7. If you put a five into a jukebox at any sports bar, you must play “Satellite” by the Dave Matthews Band at least once.

8. Act proudly ignorant of things you already know. Like so: “Hey, who was that colored guy in that “Rush Hour” movie? He was all right.” This works even better if you’re a Boston-area college student. Yeah, you go to Tufts, but you have no fackin’ idea who those Maroon 5 faggots are. Sure, buddy. For a walking example of proud stupidity, consult this dumbshit:


9. Be sure to try and distinguish yourself as a “real fan”. All “real” Boston fans must be able to judge their fellow Boston fans' credibility. Never been to Fenway? Poseur. Didn't like the Pat Patriot logo? Bandwagoner. Went to college outside New England? Turncoat. Too young to remember the '86 Celtics? Faggot.

10. Bitch about the Boston accents in any film or TV show. “Yeah, ‘The Depahted’ was fackin’ great, but they don’t talk like that in fackin’ REVEEEEAH!!!!!” Yes, no film could ever accurately depict just how real, how fierce your hardscrabble Newton upbringing was.

11. Adopt the attitude that you, yes you, DESERVE this success. “Hey, we Pats fans know how it used to be back in the day. We earned these titles.” Don’t treat your team’s good fortune as the stroke of good fortune it happens to be. No, no, no. Your championship has to be deeper then someone else’s championship. It has to mean something more. Why? Because you fancy yourself as being introspective. Cockgobbler. Treat it like some sort of karmic reward for Len Bias dying, or some other twisted, idiotic explanation.

12. Always treat your fandom as membership to some kind of exclusive club of super cool people. Like the whole Red Sox Nation thing. Oooh, you guys all root for the same team? How unique! How special! Fucking die. Be sure to adopt a siege mentality when your team is criticized. “Hey, you can’t rip on Papelbon! He’s fackin’ one of us!” Whatever you need to make yourself feel less alone in the world.

13. Be sure to grow your hair out under your artificially aged Red Sox hat so that little hair wings sprout out the side. That looks great.

14. Laugh at your own jokes. You're so funny, guy!

15. Shun Ben Affleck. Embrace Matt Damon. That apples line never gets old!

16. Finally, bitch about everything: critics, certain players who personally disappoint you, etc. They call it New England for a reason. People in England love to fucking complain. You are the newer, even more annoying model.

Follow these rules and I promise you that everyone from the nation’s remaining 44 states will want to rape you with a hammer. But hey, you’re a Boston sports fan now. You’ll be completely ignorant to your own jackassery. That’s the beauty of it. You are now just as fucking annoying as a Notre Dame football fan, or a Duke basketball fan. That's right, Pats fan. That's the level you're at right now. Enjoy your world titles, you fucking cockhog.


You know what, now that I read it again I see a little of me inside those cocknut fuckers. The only difference is my teams that I follow year round(Notre Dame football, Atlanta Thrashers, and Baltimore Orioles) that I root for are horrible and I don't have some jackass accent. But yeah, I whine a lot because I think I could coach my teams better because their suckiness is at an all-time high right now and I generally laugh at my own jokes even while my dogs beg for me to stop. By the way they are the only ones who will listen besides my blow up doll and she is being such a bitch lately with the deflating.

I got a new one for Boston area fans: Tiny cock syndrome from the fear of all black people.

TOUCHDOWN! OTHER GUY

Wait a second, Notre Dame won a bowl game in 1996? My hope is that one day Notre Dame stops schilling for the almighty corporate dollar and gets rid of the NBC contract. Not because of the SNL skit, we all know SNL has been so painfully unfunny for 15 plus years, but because the Irish don't deserve to be covered solely on a major network.

And oh yeah, tear up the Adidas contract too. I love how I'm watching NBC and they are playing a Reggie Bush Adidas commercial showing him winning a Heisman while at USC. Fucking doUSCbags.

WAIT A SECOND, YOU TRYING TO TELL ME...
Christians are lying, cheating assholes? Because there is no way a devout Christian would ever use performance enhancing drugs to prolong or better their career in baseball. I mean if you can't trust a guy like Paul Byrd, who is as devout as they get, are you telling me I can't trust another Jesus loving freak guy like Julio Franco who says the only juice he is on is the Jesus kind.

Fuck, my dentist only gives me a toothbrush when I see him, I'm getting screwed.

YOU KNOW YOU ARE BAD WHEN...
your punter is the player of the game.

Who ya got? Blond or brunette?
WEEKEND PICKS
WARNING: Don't be an idiot and takes these picks to your bookie, instead pick the exact opposite and you might be able to cover that nasty "lost" credit card that some how ended up in a strip club and you have no idea why there would be $4000 in charges as you try to explain to your pissed off wife. Remember, I'm only here for you, the Sportscrack nation and your well being.

Plus I don't want you to be screaming like some pansy named Taylor when you hit a little turbulence in life. So sack up and read these wonderful picks and if they don't win you money you can reach me at 1-800-BLOW-ME.

OKLAHOMA(-30) AT IOWA STATE
The Sooners need to impress the pollsters as much as possible in order to move up in the human rankings and I think they will on Saturday. Iowa State is garbage right now and they won't be able to stop the high powered Sooners offense. Demarco Murray and Malcolm Kelly will both have huge games which will in turn make a close game in the first quarter an absolute blowout by the third quarter.
Prediction: Oklahoma 57 Iowa State 10

MISSISSIPPI STATE(+24) AT WEST VIRGINIA
Sylvester Croom's troops are not playing that bad this year and will come up to Morgantown and hit the Mountaineers in the mouth. West Virginia will pull away in the second half, but I don't see them covering a 3 touchdown and a field goal spread.
Prediction: West Virginia 34 Mississippi State 21

USC AT NOTRE DAME(+17.5)
Both teams have been playing bad throughout the season but I really don't see a reason why USC would be favored by so much. The Trojans have been sleep walking all year and even the plane ride over to South Bend didn't go exactly as smooth as they thought it would. For all intended purposes Notre Dame should get killed in this game but I'm smelling upset with the Irish wearing the old school 1977 uniforms. In a game full of penalties and turnovers, the Irish prevail thanks to a brilliant performance from WR Duval Kamara.
Prediction: Notre Dame 24 USC 20

MICHIGAN STATE(+19) AT OHIO STATE
This season has been stricken with upsets and with South Florida going down against Rutgers last night there is little doubt more upsets are upon us this weekend. The Buckeyes should be able to run the ball against the Spartans which will be the key factor in this game. On the other hand the Spartans will have a tough time running against the Buckeyes tough defense led by their All-American linebacker.
Prediction: Ohio State 27 Michigan State 10

Florida at Kentucky(+6.5)
I'm back and forth with this game and I am still a little shocked Kentucky is almost a touchdown underdog at home against a team with 2 losses. Both Andre Woodson and Tim Tebow will have big games but I like Kentucky's running game because they can actually rely on their running backs instead of just Tebow and WR Percy Harvin. Most people think Kentucky is due for a let down but I don't see it because the Wildcats are again being touted by the pundits as underdogs without a legitimate shot at the SEC Title.
Prediction: Kentucky 31 Florida 28

Kansas at Colorado(+4)
It's time for Kansas fairy tale season to come to an end. If this game was in Lawrence I would more than likely take the Jayhawks but I've seen one undefeated Big 12 team go down in Boulder earlier this season and I see another one in the Sportscrack crystal ball.
Prediction: Colorado 24 Kansas 22

Michigan(-1) at Illinois
The law of averages are kicking in and right now Illinois is not a better team than Michigan. Mike Hart will carry them on his back and this time they will finally be able to stop a running QB in Juice Williams because honestly he isn't very good.
Prediction: Michigan 27 Illinois 14

JOE TORRE TURNS DOWN YANKEES
Does anybody really care? I mean yes, it is the New York Yankees and they have 26 World Series Championships and they will no longer have a manager who picks his nose on national television more often than I masturbate, but does it really matter? Baseball managing is like flipping the channel. Just don't fuck it up and know where your strong stations or players are and play them.

They can pay me 1 million, I will drink my ass off, and I will still be able to pencil in a lineup that will win 90 plus games next year. This isn't brain surgery. You need someone to cover up Derek Jeter's dead hookers or sweep away Roger Clemen's cattle pills then I am your man also, just don't expect me to clean
A-Rod's dirty whore infested cup without asking for at least 2 mil.

After hearing Torre turned down a 5 million dollar contract because he wants to die in Florida I pretty much reacted like this kid....