JUST SUE THEM FOR THE GIPPER!
Apparently family members get pissed when you dig up a deceased relative for the purpose of using it on an Entertainment Sports Programming Network. The World Wide Leader in Sports is being sued by relatives of the George Gipp for lawyer speak that I have neither the brain nor patience to look up so I will simply quote them in this here fancy Blogger quotes:

It accuses the defendants of negligence, "willful and wanton misconduct, trespass and nuisance" and says the exhumation caused "extreme shock, fright, humiliation and mortification" for other relatives. It seeks at least $25,000, although a jury would set damages if the suit prevailed.

No word on whether Charlie Weis is named in the lawsuit for personally destroying Notre Dame's football history by forcing Gipp to turn over in his grave starting with the Georgia Tech debacle leading up to the most recent inexcusable losses to the service academies.

ALABAMA BOOBIES
I found this little quick gem over at PoonoftheSEC. Not only do people in the South get to watch killer college football but since the weather is always nice the ladies love to show off the puppies. Here is a quick clip of some degenerate dingle berry* zooming in to get a little up close face time with some wonderful Bama Melons.



Great job on the quick pan to the left by the cameraman. I'm thinking this guy could do a really good job in the Van Nuys film business.

*=Every dude

GOOD BYE OREGON AND DENNIS DIXON
Well, it was fun while it lasted for the Oregon Ducks. The Ducks got exposed by an average Arizona Wildcats last night in front of a packed house and not only suffered the curse of another #2 team to lose to an unranked opponent this year but also lost their leading Heisman contending QB in Dennis Dixon to a knee injury. With the Ducks now shot down this opens the door for Kansas or any other Big 12 team(Missouri and Oklahoma) for that matter to make it to the BCS title game if one of them wins out.

So what does it mean for the Heisman? It should have been Tim Tebow's to lose in the first place even before Dixon went down with an injury but now it becomes even more apparent. Sure Chase Daniel could make his case if he send Missouri to a Big 12 Championship game but I think Tebow is the better player and deserves it as long as he keeps putting up the numbers he has in the SEC. The fucking guy has 19 rushing touchdowns for Christ's sake! Anyways, last night was again proof that all the pundits out there, including myself, don't know shit when it comes to College Football this season. I knew the Wildcats would give them a game but I thought Oregon would be able to handle them with a strong Jonathan Stewart performance. By the way Stewart, if he comes back, would be the best back in the nation next season.

As for the BCS scenarios I'm not so sure people should be penciling in LSU into the title game. I think if Georgia can somehow make the SEC Championship game in Atlanta then they can beat the Tigers behind a strong performance from the legs of Knowshon Moreno, or Special K as I call him, and the big arm of Matthew Stafford. Of course Georgia would need to win their final SEC game against Kentucky and hope for Tennessee to slip up which I think they will against Vandy to get to the SEC Championship. So if LSU gets beat which I think is 50/50 right now, then who gets the other spot against the Big 12 Champion for the BCS Title?

WEST FUCKIN VIRGINIA!!!

Personally I hope this happens because I would love to see Pat White, Steve Slaton, and Noel "Ain't It" Devine go against one of the high scoring Big 12 Championship teams. I really don't care if it's Oklahoma, Missouri, or Kansas because all 3 teams have been highly entertaining to watch and a match up with West Virginia would be a wild shoot out reminiscent of the BCS Title game two years ago.

A playoff is what we need no doubt. Just think if every playoff game was as electric as last night in Tuscon. This is what we would get for 3-4 straight weeks....

There is no way I could have held out that long in not rushing the field with a funnel hat and whip cream covering my nipples in delight while laying a booze dripping wet one on Mike Stoops. Don't judge me people!

LOU'S PEP TALK FOR THE SHITTER BOWL

The sad part is Holtz has more emotion, passion and heart in this clip than anything the Irish have displayed this year. 1-9 Notre Dame plays 1-9 Duke this Saturday. Hide the women, children, hell even dogs don't deserve to be subjected to such cruel punishment.

HOW YOU LIKE THESE APPLES BARRY BONDS?

You have just been indicted bitch! This is now the second happiest day of my life outside of losing my virginity to that sweet Taiwan hooker with one leg. Here is a recap:

Barry Bonds was indicted today on perjury and obstruction of justice charges, culminating a four-year federal investigation into whether he lied under oath to a grand jury looking into steroid use by elite athletes.

The indictment came three months after the 43-year-old Bonds passed Hank Aaron to become baseball's career home run leader. Bonds parted ways with the San Francisco Giants after the season.

While Bonds was chasing Aaron, a grand jury was working behind closed doors to put the finishing touches on the long-rumored indictment.

You know what, they should make November 15th a new national holiday. Maybe call it the "Don't fuck with the national pasttime or government Bonds!" Day. I can already see the Hallmark cards!

It's time to go celebrate people. Good finally won. Don't hold back...

STATE PENN LIVING UP TO IT'S NAMESAKE
Just when you think the Nittany Lions football team has finally shaped up and gotten their shit together, well, this kind of crap happens...

“In the center of the group were two males yelling toward the group of people that had just finished brutally attacking one of them," the criminal complaint states.

Another man was trying to calm the person police said had been attacked. The victim's shirt, according to the complaint, was covered in blood and the victim was trying to use it to stem the flow of blood. Police saw swelling on his entire face, lips and nose and an injury to the eye. His nose was fractured and his lip was split, the complaint stated.

The victim was yelling: "It took 15 football players to attack me," according to the criminal complaint.

The two meathead jackasses who have been charged with the most serious crimes are defensive lineman Chris Baker and linebacker Navarro Bowman. They basically beat the Paterno out of a student who apparently brushed one of their shoulders. Both are being charged with aggravated assault, simple assault, stalking and disorderly conduct, and summary harassment. Don't even ask me what summary harassment is unless I guess you could call it being a borderline student/retard who doesn't know how to summarize events that just took place.

It's good to see the Penn State team has been taught great discipline by JoePA and learned to attack a defenseless student as a team of 15 in order to assure the outcome.

In related news the #1 shirt sold on Penn State's campus since the unfortunate incident with those asshole Buckeye fans who so rudely walked on the hallowed grounds of Nappy Valley has been the State Penn shirt.
It's good to know that somebody has replaced Miami as a program with more convicts than actual students/athletes.

Remember people, "this is Penn State bitch!!!!"


Big Kudos to Gerald for the link.

THE BEER OF CHOICE
I'm not going to lie to you, the only reason why I got a Costco membership was for the dog food prices for my labs and of course the great deals for beer. In fact I got a case of Sam Adams, the mixed variety kind, and am enjoying it to it's fullest right now. You know what though, I think I will grab a case of the Samuel Jackson kind next...

A-Rod needs a hug!
MAKE UP YOUR MIND A-HOLE!
Here is the latest crap from A-Rod regarding his future with the Yankees. Yes, the douche has his own blog like just like me...

After spending time with Cynthia and my family over these last few weeks, it became clear to me that I needed to make an attempt to engage the Yankees regarding my future with the organization.

Prior to entering into serious negotiations with other clubs, I wanted the opportunity to share my thoughts directly with Yankees' ownership. We know there are other opportunities for us, but Cynthia and I have a foundation with the club that has brought us comfort, stability and happiness.

As a result, I reached out to the Yankees through mutual friends and conveyed that message. I also understand that I had to respond to certain Yankees concerns, and I was receptive and understanding of that situation.

Cynthia and I have since spoken directly with the Steinbrenner family. During these healthy discussions, both sides were able to share honest feelings and hopes with one another, and we expect to continue this dialogue with the Yankees over the next few days.

Seriously, how old is Alex Rodriguez? He needs to fucking grow up and stop acting like a little whiny bitch and decide what he wants to do. I'm so sick and tired of these guys opting out of contracts when they make a shit load of money and then feel no love from anybody else so they come back crying for forgiveness and more $$$. If the Steinbrenners are smart which they clearly are not after giving Jorge Posada and Mariano Rivera over"fucking"bloated contracts to re-sign they will listen to A-hole and make him bend over and kiss their puckered asses.

I hate the Yankees with a passion but I'm in their corner on this one. They need to go tell A-Job to go F himself. He needs to realize that being a Major League Baseball player is a privilege and the whole MLB world does not revolve around his pompous, pussy ass. And yes, being a New York Yankee is a privilege. Wearing the pinstripes shouldn't be about the money! But it clearly is for so many of their players and that is why the Yankees won't win championships. Until they get the players who really want to play for them and not just because they offered the most zero's on their paycheck but instead want to play in New York and wear the pinstripes because they always dreamed of it.

Anyways, I'm going to go throw up after talking all this Yankee crap.

Picture courtesy of PoonoftheSEC

TOP 10 COLLEGE FOOTBALL
1. OKLAHOMA SOONERS-Demarco Murray is proving to be one of the most valuable versatile backs in the nation. His kickoff return was a thing of beauty and he has that something special which will make him a Heisman favorite next year.
2. LSU TIGERS-It's amazing how quickly they have risen back to the #1 status despite losing a less than a month ago and have a lot of close games. But in my poll they are #2 because I think the Sooners are the better team right now.
3. OREGON DUCKS-Dennis Dixon will get his chance to prove to voters his Heisman candidacy this Thursday on ESPN against Arizona.
4. KANSAS JAYHAWKS-They keep rolling, one of only two undefeated teams and if they win out there is no doubt they should be in the BCS game. I think they have a good chance to by the way.
5. WEST VIRGINIA MOUNTAINEERS-Pat White is a pimp. If they didn't lose to South Florida he might have been the #1 Heisman guy right now. Win out and they make a BCS game.
6. MISSOURI TIGERS-Chase Daniel is playing his best ball right now and the showdown against Kansas next Saturday will be a great match up.
7. OHIO STATE BUCKEYES-The Buckeyes shouldn't hang their heads, they still have a chance to win the Big Ten this week against the hated Wolverines.
8. GEORGIA BULLDOGS-Knowshon Moreno has been the best back in the SEC, possibly the country the second half of the season. If the Bulldogs win out against Kentucky and Georgia Tech they will make a BCS game no matter if they are in the SEC Championship or not.
9. ARIZONA STATE SUNDEVILS-Two words for you: Dennis Erickson. Isn't the Nebraska job about to open? Could get interesting.
10. FLORIDA GATORS-Tim Tebow is a man among boys. His 7 touchdown performance against South Carolina put him back to #1 in my book among Heisman candidates.
JUST MISSED THE CUT-TEXAS, VIRGINIA TECH, USC, CLEMSON,

JUST WHEN YOU THINK...
The greatest running back since (fill in last great back name, who ever you prefer)comes in the NFL and takes over the game, he has to get hurt. Rookie sensation Adrian Peterson has a tear in his ligament only a week after setting the new NFL rushing record in a game. Right now the Vikings are being tight lipped about the severity but it appears this could keep AP out for the rest of the season. It has now become painfully clear to see...God hates Purple Jesus because he is a Jew! And by God I mean Larry King.

LARRY KING PISSES OFF SEINFELD
Sorry, I don't watch CNN unless some major catastrophe is going on, so excuse me for not knowing Larry King still had a show. Seriously, how old is this guy? I'm guessing he has to be at least 82 years old, the ear hair is a dead give away. Anyways, the old fucker got on the bad side of comedian Jerry Seinfeld by asking a stupid question...

http://view.break.com/393958 - Watch more free videos
It is now more clear than ever, Larry King is an anti semitic whore. Sure he claims he is Jewish himself but you know he would be the first guy to rat out Anne Frank and her family if he knew it guarenteed an extra loaf of bread for himself.

THIS IS WHAT BC GRADS DO WITH THEIR DEGREES
You know, it's bad enough you lose to Florida State and Maryland in back-to-back weeks, but now it's gotten so bad in Chestnut Hill that even their degree isn't worth shit. Don't believe me, well then watch this little clip about Boston College Safety Jamie Silva courtesy of AwfulAnnouncing. I wonder if Doug Flutie's Heisman is in there?

COLT BRENNAN FOR HEISMAN?
Not if Fresno State's Marcus Riley has something to say about it. See kids, this is why you listen in class, take notes, and get good grades because you don't want to be the guy on the receiving end of a hit like this. It's like trying to watch Helen Keller get Stephen Hawking off on a Broadway show. Just painful. Anyways, here is the clip, courtesy of MacG'sWorld...

Brennan managed to tie Ty Detmer's career touchdown passes record but had to leave the game so he catch his hot date with a cathadar.

HAPPY VETERAN'S DAY
I'm dedicating todays posts to all the troops out there, past and present, who either served or who are still serving this great country when all the other pussies like myself played video games and took bong hits instead of getting off the couch.

Here is to you armed forces, now go get Towelie...

WEEKEND PICKS
Just a hint, I like the road teams this week...
AUBURN(+1.5) AT GEORGIA
The Tigers have won 16 straight games wearing their all white uniforms. The Dawgs will be sporting an all black uniform similar to the Atlanta Falcons uniform. Yes, Matthew Stafford will remind Georgia fans of Michael Vick with a couple of costly turnovers.
Prediction: Auburn 21 Georgia 20

KANSAS(-6) AT OKLAHOMA STATE
The Jayhawks are for real! Still undefeated, I think they will blow out a bad Okie State team on the road.
Prediction: Kansas 28 Oklahoma State 14

FLORIDA STATE(+7) AT VIRGINIA TECH
I'm going on gut instinct in this game. The Seminoles are a more talented team and I think they will want this game more than the turkey necks up in Blacksburg.
Prediction: Florida State 17 Virginia Tech 13

USC(-4) AT CALThe Bears have been stumbling of late and the Trojans seemed to get their act together last week against the Beavers. John David Booty should have a good game against a rather weak Bear's secondary.
Prediction: USC 31 Cal 20

TEXAS TECH(+6.5) AT TEXAS
The Red Raiders can score like a midget in Bangkok, but can they hang with Big Brother Texas? I think so, just because the Longhorns haven't been all that impressive this season.
Prediction: Texas 38 Texas Tech 35

CONNECTICUT AT CINCINNATI(-6.5)
I like the Bearcats in this matchup. Like I said last week, the Huskies have to lose at least one Big East game.
Prediction: Cincy 28 Huskies 14

ARIZONA STATE(-7) AT UCLA
UCLA usually wins these type of games, you know the one where they have the 3rd string QB. But I think the SunDevils will bounce back just fine after losing to Oregon last week.
Prediction: ASU 35 UCLA 20

AIR FORCE(-3.5) AT NOTRE DAME
The bleeding, long death of Notre Dame football 2007 edition continues. The good thing about this season is the beer still tastes good.
Prediction: Air Force 27 Notre Dame 14

Enjoy your weekend bitches!

LOU HOLTZ WEEKLY PEP TALK
I have a lot of respect for Holtz and think he is a great guy and all, but he needs to stop doing these pep talks. Half of the shit he says doesn't make much sense and his effort to make fun of Mike Gundy in this is lame.

SPORTSCRACK COLLEGE FOOTBALL TOP 10
1. Ohio State Buckeyes-James Laurinaitis is proving he is the best defensive player in the country. Glenn Dorsey has gotten a ton of press, but the Little Animal is a wrecking machine and seems to be the proven leader for the Buckeyes as far back as last year when he was a sophomore. As the season progresses I really don't see anybody beating the Buckeyes. Illinois could give them a test this week but I think the Buckeyes will wear them down by the third quarter and force Juice Williams out of the game. I hate to say it but I think we can go ahead and pencil in the Buckeyes in the BCS Title game because I don't think they will lose to Michigan either next week.

2. Oklahoma Sooners-The Sooners are back to rocking and rolling after destroying Texas A&M. With two warm up games in Baylor and Texas Tech the following week ahead before the showdown against Oklahoma State at the end of the season, the Sooners should be able to rack up big time points in the minds of the voters if they continue to roll and win the Big 12 this season. Keep in mind the Big 12 has 3 teams in the top 10 right now with Texas lurking just outside. For all the shit the Big 12 has gotten from me and the national media, the league is one of the best this season.

3. LSU Tigers-I'm not sure how many times Les Miles has sold his soul to the Devil but each week he is just squeezing by. Last week's win over Alabama was their fourth straight game decided by a touchdown or less. In all four games they easily could have lost but didn't so they sit high. They are going to need to win impressively the rest of the season because the schedule is much easier with LA Tech, Ole Miss, and Arkansas remaining till the SEC Championship. And even in the SEC Championship game if they win it they could be doing so against a 3 loss team which would not be as impressive as a Big 12 Championship team. Food for thought SEC Fans.

4. Oregon Ducks-Everybody is in love with the Ducks and rightfully so. They clobbered Arizona State and now it appears they have the easy part of their schedule ahead of them. If the Ducks win out do they deserve to be in the National Championship game? Sure, why wouldn't they if both Ohio State and Kansas lose a game. Do I think the Ducks will roll the rest of the way? I don't think so because I think UCLA and Oregon State will give them games and I'm not sure how healthy or effective Dennis Dixon is going to be the rest of the season.

5. Kansas Jayhawks-This team is for real. It's been a joy to watch this team fight for everything they can get and really speaks for how well coached and prepared the Jayhawks are by Mark Mangino. They will get their chance to again prove how good they are in front of a national television prime time audience this Saturday against Okie State. Win it and we are looking at a huge match up with Missouri in two weeks to determine who goes to the Big 12 Championship game with a shot at a BCS Title at stake.

6. West Virginia Mountaineers-Pat White will have this team steam rolling over Louisville tomorrow night but I don't think it's going to be enough to get them back in the BCS Title talks unless a lot of teams in front of them start slipping up.

7. Missouri Tigers-Mizzou keeps winning and proving they are not a fluke by any means. With a resounding win over the Buffs in Boulder last week, Chase Daniel and Co. are in control of their own destiny. Win out and they will be playing a rematch game with Oklahoma in the Big 12 Championship for a possible BCS Title game berth at stake.

8. Georgia Bulldogs-Knowshon Moreno is the shit. How this kid got red shirted last year still baffles me. The Dawgs are going to have a battle this week in Athens vs. Auburn. Win and they are staring at Kentucky as the only obstacle between a SEC Championship berth. Lose and they are going back to the Chick Fil-A Bowl.

9. Arizona State SunDevils-Back to reality for the SunDevils after the loss to Oregon, they can still win out the rest of the season and play in a BCS Bowl game.

10. UCONN Huskies-I can't believe how well Jim Calhoun has prepared this team. All they have to do is get in the tourney and I can see them causing some damage if they survive the Cinderella games. Damn I wish College Football had a tourney.

Just missed the cut: Boston College, Virginia Tech, Michigan, Texas, Florida, Alabama

DAVE CHAPPELLE IN LONDON
I just came upon this wonderful video on YouTube of a performance by Dave Chappelle in London at Kojo's from about a week ago. Watch and learn...

This is how you wing it on the comedy stage. I saw Chappelle in Atlanta about two months back and I must say his stand up is way better than his TV show. Anytime a little sprinkle comes out because the laughter was too hard to bear you know the guy is one funny mofo. He made the right decision in turning down the money I think. He appears very happy to be doing stand up and out of the spotlight so to speak. Whether or not it is in a basement across seas doesn't even seem to faze him.

HOLY SHIT! THEY ARE TEARING DOWN WRIGLEY!
The Lovable Losers will no longer have a home in Wrigley Field starting in 2008. With the 100th year anniversary of the last World Series Champion coming to fruition this spring, the Chicago Cubs franchise has decided their pathetic history can no longer exist in the beautiful confines of Wrigley Field. Home of the Cubbies since 1916, rumors are the Cubs will relocate to Baltimore where Peter Angelos can further run them into the ground and alienate fans with $8 beers and shitty baseball.

I know you are probably thinking this is some BS made up story but it's not. You want proof Bleacher Bums, well here is your proof...

Even the down on his luck groundskeeper has been told to keep his mouth shut or he will be named the new GM by Angelos, a punishment not worthy of anybody. I've tried to find film of Angelos spitting on Harry Carey's grave but I have had no luck so far. When contacted by phone, Mr. Cub Ernie Banks seemed excited with the move but when I reassured him they weren't moving to proven winner St. Louis and instead to Baltimore he hung up.

TOO FUNNY NOT TO POST
Umm, ESPN's Rob Stone you might not want to...oh never mind....

HT Video: WithLeather
Brings back memories of College Spring Break trips to Juarez and the fun times with the donkey(and yes, they do kick). Remember kids, always double bag it including your tongue!

It keeps giving, doesn't it Rob?