And yes, as Tim Beckham's facebook picture above clearly or kind of unclearly shows, the kid is going to get paid big-time. A five-tool shortstop out of Griffin HS in Georgia, Beckham has been compared to the Upton brothers but with the ability to stay at shortstop for the long term. My hope was the Rays would take Florida State catcher Buster Posey with the #1 pick but Posey's camp supposedly demanded a $12 million dollar signing bonus which is absolutely crazy. Of course the Rays were turned off especially when a high baseball draft pick has as much if not better chance of being a complete bust. The reason I wanted the Rays not to take Beckham was because I had my fingers crossed he would last till the Orioles picked 4th because the O's need middle infield prospects in their system badly.
All this is moot and the Rays just picked up another excellent player in Beckham in what should be an extremely bright future for the organization with all the young talent currently playing on the big league level and tons waiting in the wings in the minors including last year's #1 pick in David Price. By the way Price has yet to give up a run so far in 3 starts in the minors.
The Red Wings closed out the Penguins last night despite a frantic final two minutes in which Pittsburgh gave the better team all it had. Clearly this year the Red Wings were the best team in the NHL so congratulations go out to their organization for winning their 11th Stanley Cup. Don't feel bad for the Penguins. They are really young and talented and more than likely could be hoisting Lord Stanley's Cup next year if they resign Marian Hossa. When you have players like Crosby, Malkin, Staal, and Fleury just to name a few you will get so sympathy from this Thrashers fan.
So what would you do with the Cup say if you had it for a day like Conn Smythe MVP Henrik Zetterberg? Personally I would drink some kind of booze out of it then probably dress it up in some sexy lingerie and make love to it then videotape it and sell it to the world and make millions of dollars. Sounds a lot like Jessica Simpson's dad right?
Here is the presentation folks of the greatest team trophy in all of sports...
And thank you goes out to the NHL and NBC for letting us bloggers put highlights of the final two minutes on the web without fear of them yanking because of some bullshit copyright issue. MLB and NFL won't let you even sniff their panties without yelling rape.
Does this shirt really need any explanation? If you have ever run into an orange, checker wearing toolbag who happens to be cross eyed then you know what it's like to play behind center during Saturdays in the fall in Knoxville. Show your distaste for this SEC rival by purchasing this one of a kind Sportscrack shirt by clicking here.
This is the third new shirt we have introduced this week with two more new editions coming up. Be sure to check back on our store page for great shirts at great prices.
My Bellsouth Internet service has been taking a 6 hour break, otherwise known as a stoner's break. Fortunately nobody has died yet but if they don't fix it soon it could get ugly, I'm talking Matamoros bike crash ugly.
Right now I'm just feeling a little ticked off but I'm about to go Boondock Saints style on this service...
Sticking with our plan to release a new shirt per day this week we are proud to introduce the TARHOLES shirt. This shirt is perfect for any gameday, tailgate, party, bar, fraternity or sorority, family gathering, gag gift...hell, the possibilities are endless. You will get an endless amount of laughs wearing this shirt as you show Chapel Hill and the UNC crew what you think about their precious Carolina blue.
Chances are you will get laid with it on too. The force is strong with this shirt and it is bound to create conversations that will eventually lead to you getting a promotion on the way to ruling the world while getting chuckles from friends and strangers.
I'm not going to lie to you, I'm going to the Notre Dame-UNC Tarholes football game in Chapel Hill this upcoming fall and I can guarantee you I will be wearing it while tailgating and visiting their bookstore.
You can purchase the shirt by clicking on this link. The shirt is $17 but the response it will receive upon viewing is priceless. Go ahead and show your true colors with this Tarholes shirt straight from Sportscrack.com.
Clearly one of the best linebackers in the NFL is not on steroids because he is making an appearance on the WWE and none of those guys juice. Fast forward to the 3:40 mark to see the San Diego Chargers linebacker cane one of the wrestlers...
Now that is clearly some good family entertainment.
The Daily Dump is SportsCrack's review of the day before today while sitting on the porcelain throne, sometimes painful, sometimes oh so sweet...
NHL -Don't ask me why but somehow the Pittsburgh Penguins got their asses dominated last night yet still won in triple overtime against the Detroit Red Wings to force a game 6 and send the crowd into a raging riot. Okay the riot never happened and the reason why the Penguins won was because goaltender Marc Andre Fleury had solid velcro in his glove last night. 55 saves the young goaltender turned in last night while Detroit punished and battered the Penguins all night yet still lost the game. The Detroit fans were chanting "We want the Cup!" but Fleury and Petr Sykora whom scored the winning goal decided they would have to settle for the 2 Girls 1 Cup version later on...
MLB -Chase Utley hit his 21st homerun as the Phillies held off the Reds 5-4 despite Jay Bruce Almighty connecting for his 3rd homerun. Utley now has a homer in 5 straight games and is looking like the early favorite to extend the Phillies streak of MVP awards to 3.
-John Smoltz returned from the DL to blow a save in the ninth against the Marlins but SS Yunel Escobar saved Smoltzie's ass by hitting a walk-off 2 run shot in the botton of the tenth. The Braves so far this season are Superman at home despite playing like little bitches on the road. That was a direct quote from Tim Hudson by the way.
-Carlos crazy fucker Zambrano won his 8th game of the season despite giving up 3 runs in the first because he let his bat do the talking. The crazy asshole had a triple along with 2 other hits and Jim Edmonds collected a couple of doubles and RBI's. I guess old man Edmonds still has it in him.
-David Ortiz was put on the DL with a partially torn sheath in his left wrist. I have no idea what a sheath is but it is probably connected to his Oger vaginal wall which doesn't allow him to fellate and probe Manny Ramirez as he wishes. I'm conflicted by this injury because I really like Big Papi but I hate all things Red Sox but I also have money on the Sox winning the World Series this year. Not to going to lie, money wins out on this one. I hope he comes back healthy.
NBA -The Finals start in 2 days between 2 teams I have never heard of so we got that going. Oh, the Pistons fired Flip Saunders because of his horrible regular season record of 176-70 with the Pistons and his inability to spoon feed that dipshit with the white circle on top of his head. If you ask me they should have got rid of Rasheed Wallace and not Saunders. Wallace needs a pacifier to quit his crying and his great timing of technicals which screw the Pistons at the most opportune time.
NFL
-The Denver Broncos released super potent sperm producer Travis Henry so he could embark on his life long dream of sperminating women across the entire 50 states during his playing career. The Broncos questioned his commitment to them while impregnating random women across the nation.
-Terrell Owens signed a contract with the Dallas Cowboys that makes him one of the richest wideouts in the league. The new contract should allow Owen's to pursue his dreams of sit ups in his driveway while fashioning a new set of skin tight body suits to be used during contract negotiations called "Le Baby Owens."
-In the redundancy department Odell Thurman got caught again in violation of the league's substance abuse program and will more than likely never play in the NFL again until the Cowboys or Raiders sign him. He faces an "indefinite suspension" which translates to at least a quarter of the season in NFL terms.
If you ever seem to wonder why I have a general dislike, or shall I say hate for pretty much every single human being who supports the Red Sox and the Yankees, well then watch these videos.
Anybody this chipper and annoying should just be killed or persecuted like the Tibetans...Wo Led Rox!...
Hmm, how about converting her to death by throwing her off the damn wall. I've heard she is the reigning Miss Red Sox winner because she can actually see her belly button and has a full, lice infested set of hair on top of her annoying head. This is very rare to find in Red Sox Nation.
It seems that even the cops in New York just love to break up any possible drunken doucheness debauchery going on at Yankee Stadium by of course ripping off a visiting team's fan hat and throwing it into the crowd. Although it was a Red Sox fan so I can't half blame the officer...
The fan was later torn to pieces and buried under the new Yankee Stadium as a barbaric art of sacrifice for the Johnny Damon curse.
And of course the Red Sox fans had to let Baltimore know this weekend how much they love Manny being Manny after hitting his 500th homerun by doing drunk flips off the dugout at Camden Yards. God, I really hate these Massholes. Win a couple of World Series in 88 years and all of a sudden you think you are God's gift to baseball...
I could seriously kill them all. Literally and not figuratively in case you were wondering.
When you hit a walk-off homerun and manage to hit above .500 in your first week in the Show while helping the Cincinnati Reds win 5 of 6 then you deserve some recognition. Jay Bruce is the Almighty and so we have decided to make a shirt to honor the young rookie out of Texas who is living up to his incredible hype of being the top rated prospect in the minors.
If you are a Reds or Bruce fan this is the perfect t-shirt to you!
The shirt is available now for $17 at BRUCE ALMIGHTY SHIRT and as always a portion of all our shirts sales goes to the American Cancer Society.
And oh yeah, you know you have made it big when Ryan Parker has made a song for you already...
Fucking loudmouth chowderheads go down quickly when drunk. Hopefully this becomes a time honored tradition where some douchebag Red Sox wannabe fan get leveled by security as soon as they say "Wicked" or "Pissah" or whatever retard language they use while pawking their caw.
I know, like all the men out there who decided to stop using their penis a long time ago I am soooo super excited about Sex and the City coming out. Seriously, if you go to this movie and have a functional penis please just kill yourself because I already hate you.
And yes, I would soooo be Samantha because I love to have angry sex with men half my age.
"Honestly it's a shame that I've got to go out and hit .400 for two months to make an All-Star team," Jones said. "It's kind of depressing to me because I've had — to me — what I think are some pretty good first halves, what I think is a pretty good career, and I haven't made an All-Star team since '01. ... But I'll take it. Got to make a splash to get people's attention? Got to make a splash."
Dude, stop being such a fucking meathead and appreciate the recognition you are receiving this year. Sure you are one of the most underrated players in the past 20 years but some of that has to do with your ability to stay injured for periods of time. Listen Chipper, I want to really like you but when you say shit like this it makes you look like a spoiled athlete who doesn't appreciate the greater things in life. Like knocking up random Hooters waitresses.
-Albert Pujols wants his recognition too! Only he lets his bat do the talking while playing through injuries as he proved yesterday with his 13th HR in leading the surprising Cardinals to a 3-2 win over the Astros. King Albert is top 10 in almost every single important offensive category except illegitimate kids. Chipper clearly is leading.
-Rays closer Troy Percival was put on the DL for a sore hamstring (translation: pussy) and will surely cost Fantasy geeks points while he lets his swollen vagina heal. Dan Wheeler appears to be a candidate to replace him as closer along with 3 other guys I have never heard of or want to speak of. The Rays are still in first place by the way with an average attendance less than 15,000 watching this home games in the Tropicana. I guess the Florida trailer trash have not caught Ray's fever yet.
NBA -So you have the game in hand, all you have to do is run off the clock by holding on to the ball but the spread is 7.5 points and you are only winning by 5. What do you do? Apparently if you are Lakers forward Sasha Vujacic you shoot the god damn ball unless you want to be missing one of your fingers as Awful Announcing points out...
How dare Doug Collins question Vujacic for shooting the ball! Being a degenerate gambler on a regular basis I feel for Vujacic. And yes, I would give him a handshake full of Benjamins right now if I could. Vegas baby, Vegas!
NFL -Okay Bears fans, you can stop holding your breath now. Brian Urlacher plans to attend the Bears minicamp today. There was thought he might hold out of mandatory football activities with the team because he wanted to renegotiate his contract but then he realized he already signed one in 2003 for $57 million for nine years. Funny how those things just work themselves out.
NHL -Vancouver Canucks rookie defenseman Luc Bourdon died yesterday after he crashed his motorcycle into a tractor trailer near his hometown in Shippagan, New Brunswick. Sportscrack sends our deepest sympathy and prayers out to the Bourdon family and the Canucks organization. 21 years old is way too young to die.
COLLEGE FOOTBALL -SEC coaches voted 9-3 to approve an early signing period for recruits. Of course Urban Meyer doesn't approve because he loves to poach other team's recruits. I like the idea of an early signing period and hope the NCAA will approve it. Too many times kids and their parents are getting paid or given gifts to switch commitments. This way they can just get their money and gifts before Christmas. Remember, it's all about the kids.
If you love beer, wings, rock n rock then I have the perfect festival for you this weekend in Marietta, GA. It's called the River Wing N' Rock Fest sponsored by Gas South and it's at the Marietta Square and it's completely FREE. Expect plenty of babes, brews, sun, killer music, great chicken wings from the finest Atlanta restaurants and of course the finest Sportscrack and Drink Like A Champion Today shirts at the huge Festival.
Yes, we will be representing ourselves at this wonderful festival.
Feel free to get drunk and fat with us this Saturday, May 31st or spread the word as we kick off the summer with a bang at the 3rd Annual Wing N' Rock Festival at Marietta Square.
And just to make this completely clear it is a FREE event and there will be plenty of cold beer with great wings. If you don't come you might as well hand your panties to your significant other because there really is no reason for you to walk this planet.
SI writer Albert Chen has an excellent article detailing the struggles Texas Rangers outfielder Josh Hamilton has gone through in his past with drugs and alcohol to reach the Triple Crown threat he is presently in the major leagues. I've said it before but after you learn the whole story behind Hamilton and his constant battle to stay sober and clean it is nearly impossible not to root for the kid. He can rake with the best of them and it's great to see someone else in the Majors beat crack other than Otis Nixon. Sorry, I had to get that little jab in there on my man Otis. Read the story if you get the chance and if the Texas Rangers ever visit a park near you make sure you buy a ticket just to watch Hamilton take batting practice and interact with the fans. Everyone should have a soft spot for a guy trying to redeem himself.
The Daily Dump is SportsCrack's review of the day before today while sitting on the porcelain throne, sometimes painful, sometimes oh so sweet...
MLB -Erik Bedard showed his ace stuff last night shutting out the Red Sox for seven innings before Brandon Morrow(future stud closer) came into the 8th and blew 100 mph fastballs past Dustin Pedroia. I actually caught the last few innings and was blown away, literally, how nasty Morrow is out of their pen. He should be their closer over J. J. Putz. His curveball is filthy and his fastball is electric. Who knew a 1-0 game could be this exciting?
-The Braves lost outfielder Matt Diaz to a partial tear to a knee ligament which will leave him sidelined for at least 4 weeks. The Braves activated Rafael Soriano, presumably the closer now, to fill in Diaz spot on the roster. The Brewers beat the Braves 1-0 in what seemed like an extremely boring game opposite of the Red Sox-Mariners game.
-Ken Rosenthal of Fox Sports has some interesting trade scenarios for impending free agent pitcher C. C. Sabathia. He thinks the Indians need a slugger in their lineup because they can't score worth a shit this year and recommends either Adam Dunn, Mark Teixeira, Pat Burrell, or Bobby Abreu as possible trade bait for Sabathia because all of them are free agents too. The Braves wouldn't trade Teixeira for Sabathia because he provides Chipper with great protection and it isn't a coincidence that he has been having the best stretch of his career since they put him in front of Tex. I could see the Burrell trade working but the Phillies would have to add some sweetener (prospect) to the deal because Burrell straight up isn't worth a Sabathia. The Indians wouldn't trade with the Yankees for obvious reasons and I'm not sure the Reds have the balls to trade Adam Dunn yet.
NBA -The Celtics beat the Pistons to go up in the series 3-2. Ray Allen finally woke up from his slump and scored 29 points to help protect Boston's homecourt. The series switches to Detroit tomorrow night. Expect at least 8 deaths in Motown before tipoff.
NHL -There you go Penguins! Sidney Crosby scored two goals and Marian Hossa put away his tampon and added two assists as the Penguins beat the Red Wings 3-2 in Game 3. Now that the Penguins got some pucks past Chris Osgood it should give them a boost of confidence and perhaps make this Finals interesting. We will see.
Doug Collins. Seriously? Bulls GM John Paxson and chairman Jerry Reinsdorf both think he can help teach the young guys how to play smart basketball and get them back to the playoffs winning championships. I think he took the job because they won the #1 pick and got tired of telling us on TNT about "Me and Michael" Jordan and how they could have done this and that.
Dan Quinn, a former linebacker/crazy person at Notre Dame during the Lou Holtz era apparently has an ax to grind. He let us know that not only did Holtz and others eff him over on his potentially great career as a pile jumper but that he has a great invention called soap water that make you delusional and psychotic all at the same time.
Actually, I had tried some of the soap water last year. It had a label on it: "ND Football 2007." I wouldn't recommend trying it again.
Dan apparently took way too many hits to the head and I'm not sure what he means by going face to face with Frank Stams in the shower. Sounds a little homo erotic there Danny! To fill you in Quinn got suspended from Notre Dame during his days of riding the pine when he was accused of sexual assault and tested positive for steroids. He later went on to sue the University and you can find a ton of his quotes in the book Tarnished Dome which incorrectly details Notre Dame football during the late 80's.
In essence he epitomizes winner in every sarcastic sense of the definition.
No one in the States would let the singer throw out the first pitch in their ballpark unless she performed The National Anthem. Thus we get the great first pitch she delivers in Japan. She has an arm that rivals Juan Pierre.
