SCOTT VAN PELT IN THE NEW TIGER WOODS EA GAME

WithLeather has the preview for the new EA Tiger Woods 2010 game. Actually there is no preview. It's ESPN's Scott Van Pelt talking as a cardboard cutout to Tiger Woods. It's actually quite funny. I was waiting for a "I banged my European nanny too!" joke but it never made it into the commercial. Maybe the game. We shall see.

CONGRATULATIONS GO OUT TO THE LAKERS AND PHIL JACKSON

If you hadn't noticed the Los Angeles Lakers won the NBA Championship last night. In doing so they captured their 15th NBA Title and Phil Jackson won his 10th as a coach. He now has the most championships as a head coach in any professional sport passing Red Auerbach who captured 9 with the Boston Celtics. He also has a fancy hat displaying the Roman Numeral "X" and the years of the titles he won in Chicago and LA. Before you get all huffy puffy about the hat let it be known his kids made it for him. 10 championships is ridiculous no matter how you cut it. And to think he would have 12 if MJ didn't decide to start playing baseball after his father got killed. I'm not a Lakers fan by any means but I've always respected the way they play the game. Not sure what it is but they just a flair about them. I don't even care about Kobe anymore, he is just so likable...

BOBBY COX BENCHES YUNEL ESCOBAR

The Atlanta Braves are playing embarrassing baseball right now and after losing 2 of 3 to the Baltimore Orioles this past weekend Bobby Cox needed to send a message to the team. Shortstop Yunel Escobar, aka Frosty tip douchebag, received it in the bottom of the third inning when he was benched for Diory Hernandez.

“I thought we should have turned a double play in the first inning,” Cox said. “They get no runs. And [it] wasn’t heads up on the rundown either. We pride ourselves on doing things right and being in the game [mentally] and don’t do things lackadaisically. I just felt we should have turned a double play easy. I’m not saying it cost us the game, but it cost us three runs in the first and you don’t know what’s going to happen in the second.”

I would show you replays of the two botched mental mistakes by Escobar if the MLB Gestapo would let me. But apparently showing MLB highlights without their consent is so Anne Frank. Listen, enough of the Nazi talk, Escobar needed to be benched yesterday. Actually he needed to be benched a long time ago. Escobar was begging for a wake up call and hopefully Cox delivered it loud and clear. Pay attention and hustle. Escobar has a ton of talent but the guy has the brain the size of an ant's penis.

And what does Escobar have to say about his benching? No habla English! Escobar is pulling the Sammy Sosa treatment and acting like he doesn't understand English. Relief pitcher Mike Gonzalez is his "translator" for any questions directed towards him. Have I told you how much I hate Escobar lately? The guy is such a piece of shit. He has been a distraction and he can't even own up to his own mistakes and instead has to hide behind one of his teammates. Fuck him. The Braves need to trade his ass immediately. He has value. The guy can play a mean short when he wants to but apparently he is still bothered by a lack of maturity.

This isn't the first time Cox has tried to get through to Escobar:

When asked if he was trying to get Escobar’s attention, Cox sighed and said, “I’ve talked to him an awful lot since he’s been here.”

Hopefully Gonzalez can translate it to him. You are gone amigo. When one of the greatest and most respected managers in MLB history has had enough then it is time to cut ties. The same with Jeff Francoeur. Both could use a change of scenery and both should have trade value. Personally I would want neither but I could see the Baltimore Orioles or Boston Red Sox expressing interest mainly because Escobar can swing a mean bat.

What do you guys think? Is Escobar and Frenchy the main problems on this team or does it run deeper? Why is hitting coach Terry Pendleton not a candidate to be replaced?

YOUR MONDAY MORNING WAKE UP SONG

Can't Tell Me Nothin' from Zach Galifianakis

PITTSBURGH PENGUINS WIN LORD STANLEY CUP

Penguins goalie Marc-Andre Fleury with the save of the year to preserve the victory for Pittsburgh in game 7. I thought you guys would enjoy the French Canadian broadcast more than the NBC feed. Those poor Canadians, we have to give them some recognition. After all it's only been about 2 decades since one of their own teams won the Cup. Evgeni Malkin was named MVP proving he is the best player on the Penguins. Sorry Sid but if it's any consolation you get your name on the Cup and the NHL will continue to kiss your ass for years to come. Congrats go out to the city of Pittsburgh. They have suffered for over 4 months till yesterday without a major sports championship. You really have to feel for them. So now it's up to the Pirates to keep the streak going. Ruh roh.

Sorry Boston, you have now lost your Titletown claim. Pittsburgh owns it for now.

USAIN BOLT CHINESE CHARACTER SHIRT

Now we know what he thinks about China and their government. He needs to wear this shirt the next time he races. The design should be on the back of the shirt so his competitors can see it.

IMAGE HT: DEADSPIN

BARBARO RETURNS TO BALTIMORE

The Atlanta Braves offense has been so pathetic this season that yesterday they called up a Barbaro Canizares
to hit cleanup and man first base. Yes, fresh from the glue factory is Barbaro. He replaced the hot hitting Greg Norton (.098 batting average) who went on the disabled list because of a sore bat. Here is an endorsement from one Braves player in regards to Barbaro:

”I heard he can’t run, can’t throw and can’t field, but the sumbitch can hit,” is what one Braves player told me this morning.

Barbaro struck out twice yesterday but did get his first hit in a 3-1 loss to the Pittsburgh Pirates.

Sweet! I'm looking forward to watching the Braves travel to Baltimore this weekend. Nothing like exciting 2-1 ballgames to keep you on the edge of your seat. Watching the Orioles and Braves the past couple of months has been like watching a soccer game. Eventually somebody might score.

Oh yeah, and the last time Barbaro visited Baltimore he broke his leg and eventually had to be put down. Canizares might want to skip this road trip.

A-ROIDS CHANT "YOU DO STEROIDS"

BRAVO RED SOX FANS, BRAVO! I want to see all my Atlanta Braves buddies loading up on the A-Roids shirt when the Yankees come to town on June 23rd. In fact, I would love to see the Ted filled with this shirt or the Yankees Suck shirt. Southerners are known for their politeness, let's debunk that myth with a little humor...


Video HT: Peter

MANNY DIDN'T RAPE OR KILL ANYBODY

According to Manny Ramirez as quoted in the LA Times, MLB officials should just get off his puss filled back about his steroid suspension and let him show up and practice with the rest of the team...

"I didn't kill nobody, I didn't rape nobody, so that's it," Ramirez said. "I'm just going to come and play the game."

Wait a second, Manny has double negatives which turns into a positive right? Sorry, it's been a while since I took grammar. So is he saying he did kill somebody and did rape somebody? I'm confused. He does swing a mean stick.

SCOUT'S HONOR

The MLB Draft is wrapping up today and after 50 rounds we pretty much will know nothing about how good a team drafted till at least 5 years down the road. But of course that doesn't stop ESPN's Keith Law in claiming the Red Sox were the big winners in the draft. Seriously, how do you keep up with all 50 of their picks and decide they were the big winner against 30 other teams picking 50 or more players? The MLB Draft is a lot about luck as much as it is about scouting. Guys who could pitch or hit in high school and college might not be able to adjust to playing baseball every day for a living.

As a fan of baseball I for the most part have to go by what scouts say in terms of talent evaluation because a lot of the players I haven't seen in person. There are way too many players out there to keep up with 10% of them so I always find it funny that experts like Keith Law can tell you who the winners and losers of the MLB Draft are before the thing is even over. What makes me laugh even more is Law is basing a lot of his judgements on what scouts tell him. Which makes me wonder if the scouts are being honest or just blowing smoke up his ass about certain prospects because they "discovered" them. Who knows but I did find this quote from an anonymous scout regarding the Nate McLouth trade to Atlanta very interesting if not borderline hysterical in Jayson Stark's latest Rumblings and Grumblings:

• Pitt Stop: We've heard mixed reviews around baseball on the package the Pirates got back for Nate McLouth. But one scout who has seen a lot of all three players thinks all three could be stars.

"I really like [left-hander Jeff] Locke," he said. "To me, he has a chance to be Jon Lester. And if [right-hander Charlie] Morton just throws strike one, he'll win 15-16 games a year, if not more. And one thing no one can dispute is that [outfielder] Gorkys Hernandez has five tools. Those tools still need a lot of work. But he can be a top-of-the-order guy who can give you power and produce runs. And he can run and throw and play some kind of center field. So to me, that was a deal where both teams got what they wanted and needed."

I've seen all three of those kids play and had a chance to look at their stats in the minor leagues. Locke "has a chance to be Jon Lester" is one of the funniest things I have read in a while. Sure he could be Lester. If only he had his stuff and his arm. Other than both throw lefty they don't have a lot in common. Locke had a ERA north of 5 in A ball as a 22 year old but yeah, he has a chance to be just like Lester. Lester by the way as a 21 year old was posting ERA's in the 2's at AA and AAA. But yeah, Locke could be just like Lester if he gets cancer perhaps.

I'm not even going to argue the Charlie Morton winning 15-16 games in the majors. Morton blows. He walked as many guys as he struck out last year in Atlanta. It's not like he is 21 years old and just had a bad run. The guy is 25 years old. He should be able to show something in the majors but he hasn't. But yeah, if he throws strike one he will magically start winning 15-16 games in the majors if the Pirates magically score 8-10 runs in every one of his starts.

And Gorkys Hernandez has "5 tools." One of them must be a vibrator for this scout because I don't see any power in Gorkys' game. In over 250 plate appearances this year Gorkys has yet to hit a home run in AA ball. Throughout his minor league career he has nearly 1500 plate appearances and has a total of 14 home runs. Yeah, the guy is bristling with power. And with drug testing as prevalent as it is now it's not like Gorkys is just going to suddenly develop power once he reaches the majors.

So this is just one instance where scout's honor is full of shit. Sure, one of those players the Braves traded to the Pirates could become a star. Not likely but they could. Looking at their minor league numbers doesn't suggest stars in the making but what do I know, I'm not a scout.

ROLLER GIRL STILL HAS IT

Okay, her name is Heather Graham, but if you ever saw Boogie Nights she will always be known to penises around the world as "Roller Girl." Here are some pictures of the actress at the England premiere of The Hangover...

JOE MONTANA'S SON SPURNS NOTRE DAME

Nick Montana, a four star high school quarterback who just happens to be Joe Montana's youngest son, has turned down offers from Notre Dame, Georgia, and Ohio State to go play for...get this...hold laughter till I complete the sentence...the University of Washington. Yes, the same Huskies school that went 0-12 last season. Okay, now you can release the shits and giggles.

Nick apparently fell in love with new head coach Steve Sarkisian. Take a look at this zinger:

"He's an awesome coach," Montana said, according to the report. "You just have to look at all the guys he's put into the pros."

I guess Charlie Weis, Mark Richt, and Jim Tressel are shit stains compared to the holy throne of Sarkisian. Sarkisian was instrumental in the development of Matt Leinart and Mark Sanchez while an assistant at USC but I would hardly point him out for the one pro who has actually accomplished anything in the NFL in Carson Palmer. I think Norm Chow was more of an influence on Palmer's career. But let's be honest here, the young Montana picked Washington because of playing time. The Oaks Christian HS rising senior (same school as Jimmy Clausen) wasn't going to steal time from Clausen and Dayne Crist at ND, Aaron Murray and Joe Cox at UGA, and most certainly not Terrelle Pryor at Ohio State. So he picked Washington so he could do his own thing in beautiful Seattle and not be under the shadow of his father at Notre Dame, not face the rigorous SEC competition in Athens, and not be Tressel's clipboard assistant in Columbus.

It's understandable. Some fans of Notre Dame are freaking out. A few of them. Actually not many. Nick is a good prospect but not a 5 star standout like Clausen and Crist. I'm not saying he couldn't eventually develop into a star like his father did at Notre Dame. He has the genes and the skills to be a really good college player. But could you imagine going to a school where everybody will be comparing your every step to what your father did? It's unnecessary pressure and I can see why this Montana decided to skip out on Notre Dame (his brother Nate is a walk-on at ND). Notre Dame fans need not worry about losing this Montana. Sure it would have been a great story but the coaches need to focus on getting at least one quarterback in this class since they didn't sign anybody last year.

The kid they need to sign is Ohio product Andrew Hendrix. And no, he isn't Jimi's son. Hendrix is 6'3 and built like a college quarterback. He has a ton of upside and has offers as impressive as Montana. Weis needs to get him to verbal sooner than later. Hendrix visited Notre Dame last week and almost verbally committed on the spot. A lot of the top recruits are waiting to see what Notre Dame brings to the table in 2009 before committing to a school with only 10 combined wins in the last two years. They should. But landing Hendrix would enhance their recruiting ten fold. They would start picking up receivers and Hendrix could actively recruit other guys much like the #1 prospect Chris Martin has been doing ever since he verballed.

DANNY DEVITO IS MY NEW HERO

It's 9 AM on a weekday in Philadelphia and the Penguin Danny Devito is slamming beers, making midget jokes, and trying to score some strange. I have a new found respect for the little guy. You can't blame him for trying. I can only imagine the stories that Devito has working in Hollywood for over 30 years. If he can become a movie "star" and score tons of ass then you...yes...you the reader...put that away, it's inappropriate, have no excuse not to get off your ass and become something. Devito was the Terminator's twin at one point! Dreams can come true. Now quit your 9-to-5 job and go make me proud!

HT: WWTDD

CRAIGSLIST

I've been thinking about putting some stuff on Craigslist lately. No, not selling my body or anything like that. I'm not that desperate...yet. I've been doing some brainstorming, thinking of clever ways to pitch my junk so it sounds like gold on Craigslist. As you probably know it's all about how you sell it or market it. But I think when all else fails and you don't feel like dealing with people you should put out a classified like this guy did in Richmond...(click on the image to enlarge it)...



I think you get the idea of what he is selling and how he wants to go about the transaction. No bullshitting, just fork over the money and take the cement blocks. With that being said I'm going to copy this guy's approach. Anybody know what I can fetch for Pete Carroll's dead hookers?

Craigslist HT: Joe

NL ALL STAR BALLOT

Yesterday I gave you my American League All-Star ballot. No complaints with my picks so far. Either nobody reads this blog or people actually agree. Any who here are my National League picks, feel free to blast away!

NATIONAL LEAGUE
Firstbasemen-Albert Pujols, St. Louis Cardinals-Adrian Gonzalez for the San Diego Padres and Prince Fielder of the Milwaukee Brewers are having terrific seasons but still, we are talking about Albert freaking Pujols. He is the best player in the game. MVPujols is top 5 in almost every significant batting stat in the majors. The guy is like fine wine. He's only getting better. Pujols was drafted in the 13th round(402nd overall) by the Cardinals in the 1999 draft. What a steal of a pick!

Secondbasemen-Chase Utley, Philadelphia Phillies-Uts is a machine. This season is perhaps his best right now as he has a career high on base percentage of .435 and again is leading the majors in hit by pitches with 11. The guy does it all and is a gritty player that every team would love to have. Utley was drafted in the 1st round(15th overall) by the Phillies in the 2000 draft out of UCLA. The Orioles had the 14th pick that year. They took Beau Hale. I would say the Phillies franchise won that pick.

Shortstop-Hanley Ramirez, Florida Marlins-If you had a pick to start at shortstop who would you take? I'm thinking 80% or more would pick Ramirez. Hanley is again having a terrific season and should only heat up more as the weather becomes unbearable in South Florida. Last season Ramirez had a 30/30 season at the age of 24 while winning the Silver Slugger award. This season he has become more of a team leader and is the franchise player in the Marlins organization. Ramirez was signed as an amateur free agent by the Red Sox as a 16 year old out of the Dominican Republic.

Thirdbasemen-Chipper Jones, Atlanta Braves-The future Hall of Famer deserves to be starting in the All Star game in St. Louis this year. Larry again leads the majors in on base percentage and has a good shot at repeating his batting title. It's almost a crime that he has only played in 6 All Star games in his 16 years of MLB ball. I hope the voters do the right thing and put Chipper in the starting lineup. David Wright is having a fine season for the New York Mets but he still isn't close to Chipper's league. Chipper was drafted in the 1st round(1st overall) by the Braves in the 1990 draft out of high school. The Braves organization wanted to draft Todd Van Poppel but backed away because of signing issues. Thank god.

Catcher-Brian McCann, Atlanta Braves-McCann has bounced back from some eye issues this season and posted All-Star numbers batting in the 4 and 5 hole for the Bravos. In just his 4th season the 3 time All-Star is again leading all NL catchers in on base percentage and slugging percentage. McCann was drafted in the 2nd round(64th overall) in the 2002 draft by the Braves out of high school.

Rightfield-Justin Upton, Arizona Diamondbacks-As a 21 year old Upton is just beginning to come into his own. A freak of an athlete, the younger Upton is top 10 in slugging percentage, on base percentage, total bases, triples, extra base hits and runs created. He also plays an excellent right field and has a cannon for an arm. Upton was the first pick overall in the 2005 Draft which could go down as one of the best drafts ever.

Centerfield-Carlos Beltran, New York Mets-The 4 time All-Star is having one of his best statistical seasons in 2009. He is top 5 in on base percentage (as you can see this is a very important stat to me) and batting average. He also plays gold glove defense in center. Beltran was a 2nd round draft (49th overall) pick by the Royals in the 1995 draft out of high school.

Leftfield-Ryan Braun, Milwaukee Brewers-The Hebrew Hammer is again on pace to hit at least 30 home runs while driving in over 100. He may not be excellent in the field but his OBP is above 40% this year and he is drawing a ton of walks. Braun was drafted in the 1st round (5th overall) in the 2005 draft by the Brewers out of Miami.

Starting pitcher-Dan Haren, Arizona Diamondbacks-Haren only has 4 wins but that isn't his fault. His stuff has been nasty again this season and his strikeout to walk ratio is nearly 8-to-1. In my opinion he is the Roy Halladay of the National League. Haren was drafted in the 2nd round(72nd overall) in the 2001 draft by the Cardinals out of Pepperdine University. For some bizarre reason Haren has already been traded twice in his young career.

TAYLOR MAYS AND THE USC SONG GIRLS

The #1 free safety in college football for 2009, USC Senior Taylor Mays, does a little interview(i.e. picks his next notch on his belt) with the USC Song Girls. You may have heard of them. Mays is a future top 10 pick in the NFL and many people wonder including myself why he would come back to USC when he was guaranteed a fat paycheck if he left after his junior campaign. Well, now I think we know why. Let's just say the Song Girls can be very persuasive. You can't find top notch talent like that in Green Bay.

I know some of you are wondering how I came upon this video being a Notre Dame supporter. Pete Carroll posted it on Facebook. Yes, I am one of the Poodle's "friends." Why you ask? Because to beat the enemy sometimes you have to sleep with the enemy. Oh and I am also looking forward to giving him some grief come October 17th after the Irish beat them.

MY AMERICAN LEAGUE ALL STAR BALLOT

With the MLB Draft just hours away, otherwise known as the Stephen Strasburg overkill draft, I decided to get my mind off of it a little bit by filling out my All-Star ballot. You can go to www.vote.mlb.com. No longer do you have to bother punching out little circles on a ballot and turning them in at the ballpark. The powers of technology. I'm pretty sure the internet was invented for this alone. Here is my ballot, broken down by position and also a recap of where the player was originally drafted.

AMERICAN LEAGUE
Firstbasemen-Justin Morneau, Minnesota Twins-This was one of the hardest picks for me. Morneau is currently having a great season, batting .329 with the most RBIs at first with 52. The former MVP wins a close race with Mark Teixeira, Miguel Cabrera, Kevin Youkilis, and Russell Branyan all having outstanding years. You could make a case for all of those guys deserving a shot to start but when it came down to picking the one who I would want to be up at bat with the game on the line it was Morneau. Morneau was drafted in the 3rd round(89th overall) by the Twins in the 1999 draft as a catcher.

Secondbasemen-Aaron Hill, Toronto Blue Jays-Hill has been outstanding for the Jays all season. Hitting .310 with 13 HRs and 41 RBIs, Hill has rebounded from an injury shortened 2008 season to establish himself as one of the best 2B in the game. His defense has been solid too. Hill is a big reason why the Blue Jays are still contending in the AL East despite the rest of the offense struggling. Hill was drafted in the 1st round(13th overall) by the Jays in the 2003 draft out of LSU.

Shortstop-Jason Bartlett, Tampa Bay Rays-Bartlett was one of the easiest vote on my ballot. He currently leads the majors in hitting at .373 and has played stellar defense as usual at a premium defensive position. One of the most underrated players in the game, Bartlett should at the very least be named a reserve because there is no way he will overtake Derek Jeter in voting. Bartlett was drafted in the 13th round(390th overall) by the Padres in the 2001 draft out of Oklahoma.

Thirdbasemen-Evan Longoria, Tampa Bay Rays-Evan Almighty is having a MVP season in just his 2nd year in the bigs. Hitting at a .316 clip while leading the majors in RBIs with 55, Longoria is one of the games top 10 players already. His defense is also great and he reminds me a lot of Chipper Jones in terms of his approach to each at-bat. He doesn't get cheated. It should be mentioned that Chone Figgins, Michael Young, and Brandon Inge are also having All-Star seasons and this wasn't a sure fire pick with Longoria. Longoria was drafted in the 1st round(3rd overall) by the Rays in the 2006 draft out of Long Beach State.

Catcher-Joe Mauer, Minnesota Twins-Mauer is just in a different league right now. By far the best catcher in the game, Mauer has been on a tear since he came off the disabled list. He is hitting .413 with 12 HR(13 is his career high) and the 2 time All-Star could garner his first MVP trophy if he continues his torrid start. Mauer was the 1st overall pick in the 2001 draft by the Twins out of high school.

Rightfield-Ichiro Suzuki, Seattle Mariners-Ichiro is just a phenomenal player. The guy does it all. I can only imagine how big of a star he would be if he played on the east coast. I have a serious man crush on Ichiro because the guy plays baseball the way it should be played. Hustler is a good way. Ichiro was not drafted. He was signed as a free agent by the Mariners in 2001 after playing in Japan where he was an established superstar.

Centerfield-Adam Jones, Baltimore Orioles-Bazooka Jones has come into his own in 2009 batting in the 2 hole for the Baltimore Orioles. Top 10 in the AL in a ton of offensive categories, Jones has shown a set of skills that will make him a superstar for years to come. Jones was a 1st round supplemental (37th overall) pick by the Mariners in the 2003 draft out of high school.

Leftfield-Carl Crawford, Tampa Bay Rays-The 4 time AL stolen base champ has rebounded from some injuries in 2008 to again lead the majors in stolen bases with 34. Crawford was drafted in the 2nd round (52nd overall) in the 1999 draft by the Rays out of high school.

Starting pitcher-Zack Greinke, Kansas City Royals-Zack Attack leads the majors in ERA at 1.55 and has a nearly 9-to-1 K to BB ratio. His last start wasn't Greinke like but other than that he has shut the door down on offenses. An argument could be made for Roy Halladay right here and honestly you couldn't go wrong with either. But Greinke gets my pick because overall he has been more dominating than Halladay. Greinke was drafted in the 1st round(6th overall) in the 2002 draft by the Royals out of high school.

LEROY SMITH GET YOUR BASKETBALL ON

Oh how I miss the Charlie Murphy skits on the Chappelle Show. This infomercial made my sides hurt. I'm buying it and you should too.

BUD LIGHT COMMERCIALS ARE GETTING A LITTLE RAUNCHY

Best Bud Light Commercial Yet - watch more funny videos

YOUR MONDAY MORNING WAKE UP SONG