BASEBALL FREE AGENTS PSA

12 Angry Mascots has this stirring and very emotionally charged PSA on neglected baseball free agents still looking for a paycheck near you. With spring training underway (Orioles Josh Bell and Nick Markakis have both hit bombs today...hell yeah!) we can often forget about the older players whom are no longer wanted or neglected by GMs all over this great nation. It's up to you and I to make sure these players can survive without making millions of dollars for the first time in years, sometimes decades, to play a game we love so much. I beg of you to think of all the Nomars out there who can no longer do steroids freely without prejudice and now must live a life full of joints, tendons, and hamstrings crumbling as their baseball skills deteriorate with age. It's a shame. Give today.

TAYLOR MAYS IS VERY FAST...BUT HE STILL SUCKS

USC Safety Taylor Mays ran an official 4.43 forty today at the NFL combine which as you may know is extremely fast. In fact it's the 10th fastest time this year at the NFL combine and it's only a tenth of a second behind Golden Tate. And yet some cheesedick GM will draft Mays ahead of Golden in the first round come April despite the fact that Tate has completely owned him. Well at least we know Mays will be taking a pay cut in the NFL now that his USC days are over. Poor kid.

BRAZIL BANS PARIS HILTON BEER COMMERCIAL

According to the Associated Press this Devassa Beer commercial has been pulled from Brazil...

A sultry beer ad featuring the socialite has been pulled after consumer complaints and a watchdog agency's investigation.
An ad watchdog group, Conar, asked last week that the ad be removed, noting that regulations don't permit a beer commercial to treat women as overtly sensual objects. Brazil's Secretariat for Women's Affairs also said it had received complaints about the ad.

Holy shit! I thought America was a bunch of bitches when it came to risque advertisements getting banned but we can't even compete with Brazil in terms of all out vaginitis. Correct me if I'm wrong but this Paris Hilton commercial seems pretty tame right? I mean it's not like we can see her roast beef hanging out or anything. It's got to be something else. Maybe the Brazilians who are known for their curvy women just hate Paris because she is a disgusting whore tooth pick with blonde hair. Because if this is too sensual for Brazil then I don't ever want to visit their shithole destination filled with tropical beaches full of Reef Girls frolicking around looking for American dick to latch on. No sir. You lost a customer today Brazil.

CANADA HOCKEY WINS GOLD

Great game yesterday as Team Canada survived in OT to beat Team USA 3-2 in what was the pinnacle of a great Winter Olympics. Sure Canada won the last gold medal but overall we had the most medals with 37...a whooping 11 more than America's Hat. It feels good to beat down them down in their own country. I'm about 100% positive Obama made an executive decision to let Canada win in their most cherished sport in hockey. It's all those people got up there besides igloos, polar bears, Celine Dion, and socialized health care.

JASON KIDD MAKES MIKE WOODSON LOOK LIKE THE IDIOT WE ALL KNOW HE CAN BE

If you want to talk about how to play smart basketball then go no further than this Jason "Smack my bitch up" Kidd highlight from Friday night. Kidd not only had a remarkable triple-double with 19 points, 16 boards and 17 assists against the Hawks but he also made a heads up play late in the fourth quarter by taking advantage of the Atlanta Hawks main weakness: head coach Mike Woodson. Woodson must have thought he was Pete Carroll roaming the sidelines with the amount of slack the refs were giving him in terms of calls and on-field interference. Instead of ignoring Woodson's dumbass Kidd merely stuck out an arm while running into Woodson while he was out on the court. As you may know the coaches aren't allowed to be on the court while the game is being played thus Woodson drew the technical foul. In the fourth period. Cost them a point and possession late. Brilliant.

The Mavs eventually won in overtime 111-103 and proved to the rest of the world that Woodson may be the one person who can beat the Hawks come playoff time. Woodson of course looked like a complete jackass by arguing the call and yelling at Kidd. Players need to do this more often. Last year I couldn't help but notice how often Pete Carroll was literally 5-15 yards on the field during plays while yelling at the players and refs. My hope was Charlie Weis would notice this and call a play in his direction in order to take him out. Never happened but then again we know why Charlie didn't last past year 5 in his head coaching experience. I would have loved to see Pete The Cheat taken out by Golden on an out pattern.

ADAM BAZOOKA JONES SHIRT

Adam Jones is one of the upcoming young superstars in the game and deserves his own shirt. Coming off his first Gold Glove and All-Star appearance, the speedy Jones is known for blowing bubbles with his gum while snagging a fly or hitting a bomb into the bleachers. This is how he got his nickname of Bazooka Jones. Now you can wear the one and only Bazooka Jones 10 shirt for the low price of $17 from SportsCrack Tees.

CHUCK LIDDELL WORKS OUT IN THE NUDE

I agree it seems extremely gay to post a video here of MMA fighter Chuck Liddell butt naked working out but what saves this video is his girlfriend Heidi Northcott doing the same exact thing. So yeah, it's not all too bad to stare at right fellas?

Man card is safe for now.

Video HT: The Big Lead

MIKE MILBURY CALLS THE RUSSIANS "EUROTRASH"

NBC Announcer Mike Milbury better hope the Russian Mafia is heavily medicated with GLeeMONEX or they are going to have a personal vendetta against the a-hole. My jaw literally dropped when I heard this live yesterday. Did he really call the Russians "Eurotrash" as I shook my head? I thought I must have heard wrong but then to see Jeremy Roenick's broken jaw drop too and Mike Patrick ask him if he really said Eurotrash...I mean wow. I guess in America it's ok to show a luger die and call Russians Eurotrash but if you show one pierced nipple the whole country explodes.

Oh, and by the way the Americans better get their shit together. The Germans are gaining fast. Stop your crying Mancuso and your excuses Vonn. Buck up and win some more medals.

Video HT: Deadspin

MICHIGAN AND USC IN DEEP SHIT WITH NCAA?

If you have been following college football lately you know the NCAA is investigating both USC and Michigan for breaking the rules that every other major program tends to break....except for the shitty ones. Both of their fates belong in the NCAA hands now as we will learn within the next 2-3 months whether or not Michigan will get punished for making their players stop acting like pussies and practice or if USC will get slapped with a white glove across Tommy Trojan face for paying their "student-athletes" to lose to Stanford once again. I get this gut feeling nothing is going to come of it. I would love to see the NCAA come down and lay down the SMU on USC because those cocksuckers have been breaking compliance rules more often AD Mike Garrett cleaning up yet another dead hooker in Pete Carroll's office but they won't. USC is their golden ticket out west and Michigan honestly shouldn't be punished because I want to see DickRod in Ann Arbor as long as possible. I love seeing the Michigan faithful squirm in disgust as soon as Fraud-riguez appears on the tube.

This is how I see a potential meeting going down between the NCAA and SCUM...

ADMIRAL ACKBAR FOR OLE MISS MASCOT?

According to the AJC.com Ole Miss students are jumping on a Star Wars character as their next mascot....

The campaign for Admiral Ackbar is gaining Internet, if not intergalactic, steam.

Tuesday, Ole Miss students voted to find a new mascot to replace the abandoned Colonel Reb. A student committee to develop and propose a new mascot will be formed soon.

Ackbar, a member of the Mon Calamari species who led the Rebel Alliance ships into the Battle of Endor, appears to be the early favorite. He has more than 14,000 Facebook fans. Websites like notatrap.org -- "It's a trap!" was his famous line -- are promoting Ackbar's candidacy.

"Who wants a Colonel when you could have an Admiral?" the Web site asks, before launching into "The Story of Ole Miss Ackbar."

"A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away ... Admiral Ackbar received a deep space transmission of SEC coverage. He found that he couldn't stop watching everything from football to volleyball. One team stood out to him, the Ole Miss Rebels. He led the Galactic Rebellion, and he knew he needed to be with the Ole Miss Rebels. And so, he started the long trek to Oxford, Miss."

Personally I don't think Admiral Ackbar would be a good representation of Ole Miss. First off his skin isn't white pigmented and his racism meter would seriously fail since his tends to point towards intergalactic peace. He does look similar in appearance to former coach Ed Orgeron but I think they should just bring back Colonel Reb...

How many mascots besides UGA would get as much ass as Colonel Reb would if he came back to life? Yeah I know it's not PC to have some old racist bastard as your mascot but you don't see Notre Dame dropping the Fighting Irish because they hate the English.

SCOTT VAN PELT GETS PRANKED BY THE HOWARD STERN SHOW

It actually amazes me that Captain Janks from the Howard Stern Show could pull this shit on live air. Not only was he able to convince the ESPN producers he was recently released Eagles runningback Brian Westbrook but he got them to batch him in live on SportsCenter. Great job Captain Janks! The look on Van Pelt's face is gold. Just wondering out loud but does anybody actually watch SportsCenter anymore? With the internet and all the streaming videos of highlights plus all the blogs devoted to one's favorite teams it would seem that SportsCenter would be facing extinction. I guess it's a good thing they still have Tiger Woods to cover.

JULIA MANCUSO WINS ANOTHER SILVER

USA skier Julia Mancuso finished 2nd to a German this time and not Lindsay Vonn in the super-combined but the only reason why I ackowledge her silver medal is it gives me a reason to post pictures of the little Vixen. Here you go SportsCrack heads...

Lingerie shot...


Mancuso getting felt up in the hot tub...


She also likes to belly up to the bar with an ice cold Carlsberg...


Mancuso only turns her back to the smelly French...


She can kiss our Silver medals any day of the week...


She clearly loves to party and bring home the medals for the US of A. Give her a helping hand America...



And here is an interview she did with Digg in Whistler...

GREAT JOB FRENCHY

If you watched the Olympics yesterday you might have noticed all of the gnarly crashes by the women in the downhill skiing events. Nobody was seriously injured except the ego of this French fry...



Video HT: WWTDD

Yesterday was a great day in USA Winter Olympic history. Lindsay Vonn won the gold despite her injury while Shaun White and Shani Davis brought home the gold while dominating their respective sports. So far I have been glued to my recliner watching the Olympics nonstop...one of the main reasons why the blog posts have been scarce lately. They only come around once every 4 years fucktards so you might as well watch them and enjoy it. Right? Exactly.

USA! USA! USA!

I told you it wouldn't fit Lindsay!

THE FAT LADY DON'T FIT

I could literally watch this all day. Just seeing her chubby face stare at the wall like it's a 600 pound donut coming to eat her is simply priceless. They need to start doing this show for sports figures. First one up can be Lane Kiffin. The NCAA sends a wall in the shape of a snake. Make a network out of it.

PITCHERS AND CATCHERS REPORT TODAY

We can't have an initial report of pitchers and catchers reporting to Spring Training today with the absence of the George Brett shitting on himself video. It's as American as apple pies. Across camps in sunny Arizona and Florida the spectacle of mostly out of shape baseball players will stretch, shoot the shit, and warm up their bodies to get ready for Opening Day which is about 6 weeks from now.

Braves fans received some good news today when a MRI on Jair Jurrjens pitching shoulder revealed no structural damage and just minor inflammation. Braves Nation including myself were lighting the torches for GM Frank Wren for trading away Javier Vasquez to the Yankees for Tony Tarasco 2.0 because of the supposed surplus in quality starting pitchers the Braves had. You dodged this bullet Wren.

Orioles fans should be ready for an interesting season in which the once proud franchise will look to snap a 12 season losing record streak. The additions of Kevin Millwood and Mike Gonzalez should solidify a very young and talented pitching core while the signings of Miguel Tejada and Garrett Atkins could provide some more explosive offensive weapons to an offense that boosts All Stars Brian Roberts, Nick Markakis, Adam Jones and up and coming talents such as Matt Wieters and Nolan Reimold. In the toughest division when you face the Yankees, Red Sox and Rays (all top 5 teams overall in the Majors) 19 games each a winning record would be a major accomplishment considering the Orioles are still extremely young in starting pitchers. Brian Matusz, Brad Bergesen, and Chris Tillman all flashed looks of future greatness last year as rookies but will have bumps in the road much like the Atlanta Braves did in the late 80's with Tom Glavine, John Smoltz, and Steve Avery coming up.

Either way it's a time to get excited about baseball. The winter is almost gone and spring will blossom soon. And Hall of Famer George Brett will be taking a dump in his pants near you.

Play Ball!


The above picture is of a Florida Marlins Mermaid. This picture alone should make all those Cuban refuges down there want to go and see a game.

BARRY MELROSE USES AN INTERESTING FACIAL CREAM

I always thought Canadians were a little off with their beady little eyes and their hockey sticks so it should come as no surprise with their preferred choice of facial cream: "Chicken shit!" Gotta love the honesty from Barry Melrose. I wonder if he uses Canadian geese shit for his hair? One can only hope. By the way the USA hockey team is up 1-0 on Switzerland after the first period. We are coming for you Canada! Your socialized health care stands no chance against our corrupt Insurance companies....EH!!

SOFTBALL GUYS ADMITS TO PERFORMANCE ENHANCING DRUG USE

An Exclusive, Emotional Interview with Softball Guy from JoeSportsFan.com on Vimeo.

LOVE ME SOME WINTER OLYMPICS

Winter Olympics AD courtesy of MacGsWorld


As you may know the Winter Olympics have officially started up in the great province of British Columbia and just taking a quick look around the sports blogosphere it sounds like most bloggers hate it. While it may be true these Winter Olympics don't involve their precious football, basketball, baseball, or soccer it would be wise to get your head out of your ass and watch it before shitting all over it.

Personally I love the Winter Olympics because we get to see athletes not named Lebron or Tiger grab all the headlines. If you can't enjoy watching the freestyle moguls where skiiers go speeding down a hilly slope that would shred Tiger Wood's labia into quarters then you are a fucking communist and you should be deported to Cuba quicker than you can say Fidel Castro. No but seriously the Winter Olympics are fun to watch. These athletes with the lone exception of curlers who are really just like Nascar Drivers (they couldn't cut it in real sports so they decided normal everyday activities like sweeping and driving a car was something which only a small portion of the population otherwise known as rednecks and ratards would appreciate) spend 4 years if not more in their lives preparing for one moment of glory. Some fail. Some triumph. Either way the competition drives them to unbelievable heights and with country pride at stake I don't see how you could not enjoy watching the Olympics.

Even sports that some may call stupid like figure skating are completely mesmerizing to watch. You try skating on a thin piece of ice in a leotard while be thrown up into the air in order to land a triple lutz-triple loop. It isn't that easy stud. I can't imagine the hours of training and dedication that went into it so I merely watch and root for the Americans to kick some ass. Oh yeah, there is also nothing wrong with being patriotic during the Olympics. It's one of the few times you can shout "USA USA USA" into someone's face without fear of being persecuted for being a douche.

So if you are bored of watching meaningless NBA games and waiting for March Madness to kick in please tune in to NBC and watch some Winter Olympics. Don't be a communist prick or a terrorist. Be American. Watch the Olympics. On NBC.

/blogpost sponsored by NBC.

DRINK LIKE A CHAMPION TODAY HOODS NOW ONLY $15

For a limited time only you can warm yourself up with a DRINK LIKE A CHAMPION TODAY hoodie for only $15. We only have a limited amount of them left so go ahead and buy one today before they are gone at this great price (regular price is $35).

THE WHO DAT REDNECKS ARE BACK DESTROYING TVS

Umm, I really don't have much to say. I always knew Saints fans had a screw loose. Must be all the bourbon down there and swamp land. If you ever thought the movie "WaterBoy" was full of stereotypes and racist innuendo well then obviously you haven't been to Louisiana. Wow.

Video HT: WithLeather