A WNBA GAME BROKE OUT LAST NIGHT IN LA

Ok, not really, but jesus. Why doesn't this kind of shit happen at The Ted? This girl-on-girl action happened at the Dodgers-Angels clash in Anaheim in what appears to be the right centerfield stands. Those people out in California are just so damn liberal and free. If this kind of shit happened in the South or the Midwest I'm pretty positive a riot would have broken out. In Southern Cal it's just "ho hum, two chicks playing tonsil hockey, big deal!" Hopefully this becomes a widespread pandemic in the sports world. You feeling me SEC Poon country?

Video HT: Deadspin

THE MARLINS FIRED BOBBY COX'S REPLACEMENT

Florida Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria pulled the plug today on the Fredi Gonzalez managerial stint and this couldn't have worked out any better for the Atlanta Braves. With the Braves looking to replace Cox in his farewell season Gonzalez is one of the 3 most talked about replacements (current assistant coaches Terry Pendleton and Eddie Perez being the others). Gonzalez would be a great fit for the Braves organization having already worked for Cox as a base coach. He also doesn't put up with lazy play as evidenced by his benching of star shortstop Hanley Ramirez earlier in the season.

With that being said what the fuck was Loria thinking? Yes the Marlins are sitting at 34-36 record wise and Gonzalez 3 year record is 276-279 since replacing the fired Joe Girardi (which worked out great for the Yankees) but the Marlins don't spend money on premium talent with the exception of Hanley. Loria expects the Marlins to compete for the World Series every year but doesn't want to spend the money to get there. "The J-Hey Kid" aka SI.com writer Jon Heyman hinted a couple of months ago that Gonzalez would be the ideal candidate to replace Bobby in Atlanta in 2011. Thank you Loria for giving the Braves a chance to bring him in this season for an internship.

Braves.com writer Mark Bowman caught up with Braves GM Frank Wren to get his reaction to the Gonzalez hiring and posted this on his Twitter feed.

Frank Wren says the Braves hold Fredi in high regard. But he added that he won't have any further comment until Bobby manages his final game

Yep. Gonzalez will now be manager for the Braves in 2011. It worked out for the Yankees with Girardi so let's hope history repeats itself.

USA! USA! USA! THANK YOU LANDON DONOVAN!

I'm not a soccernut but I can say without a doubt that was the most exciting, tense game I have ever watched. The U.S Team had tons of chances to score and even got one taken away by a horrific offsides call early in the game. They hit posts and crossbars and never gave up. The score could have easily been a touchdown to nothing but the luck just wasn't on the U.S. side till the 91st minute when Landon Donovan buried a rebound in the back of the net.

With the win the U.S. advances to the round of 16 and wins their first group since 1930. 80 fucking years folks. This is history we are watching. The English also advanced with a close 1-0 win over Slovenia so there is a chance we get to play the Brits again. Right now it's looking like we will probably face Germany in the next round. Bring it on!

Donovan is going to get crazy ass down there in South Africa tonight. I can already see it....

GOLDEN TATE DOES HIS BEST PAYNE STEWART IMPERSONATION

Golden Tate rocked out the paisley argyle sweater vest and the pink loafer pants yesterday for some charity golf event. It takes a brave man and/or a very funny guy to pull off the outfit and apparently Golden is both. You could definitely stick some donuts in those pants.

GOOD NEWS PEOPLE: KENNY POWERS IS BACK THIS SEPTEMBER!

That's right ya fuckfaces! Kenny Mother Fucking Powers is back this September. He's back to play real sports and he doesn't like ya! HBO will be bringing back "Eastbound and Down" in the fall and that thump you just heard was my rock hard hitting the desk in delight. Not only will college football be back in full swing but now you are going to tell me Kenny Powers aka my hero is back. God I can't wait to see the beautiful motion of one Kenny Powers back throwing heaters...

THE ART OF THE SOCCER DIVE

Anytime you can combine my favorite part of Saving Private Ryan (Barry Pepper's character was a complete pimp with the sniper) and those fancy soccer players taking dives you have a winner. The World Cup has been entertaining for the most part but like the Duke flop I can't stand it when the game gets taken over by bullshit acting. The ironic part is North Korea will probably use a firing squad on their team and their families after getting demolished 7-0 by Portugal. Kim Jong Il does not put up with Alex Baldwin, Hans Blix, or incompetent soccer players....






Video HT: HotClicks

PHILLIES FANS ARE GRACEFUL

I mean seriously, what is wrong with people who root for the Phillies? They obviously can't read signs or follow directions. This guy either had a little too much Yuengling or he is fucking retarded. Let's just go with him being a Phillies fan. There is no need to explain when it comes to Satan's offspring.

Video HT: Deadspin

KARMA POLICE

I hope everybody has a glorious weekend. I hope it's safe and fun and you can do what you enjoy most. Which is probably a lot of drinking and relaxing in the sun.

This week has been frustrating due to some issues I'm not at liberty to discuss. Once I get things settled then I'm looking forward to a little karma. Here are some lyrics from Radiohead that will be resonating in my brain this weekend...

Karma police, arrest this man
He talks in maths, buzzes like a fridge
He's like a detuned radio

Karma police, arrest this girl
She stares at me as if she owns the world
And we have crashed her party

This is what you'll get
This is what you'll get
This is what you'll get
When you mess with me

Karma police, I've given all I can
It's not enough; I've given all I can
But we're still on the payroll

This is what you'll get
This is what you'll get
This is what you'll get
When you mess with me

Phew, for a minute there
I lost myself
I lost myself

THANK YOU SAMMY WATKINS

For completely knocking the shit out of this kid. Wait for the end. Trust me it's worth the torture of listening to this jackass teenager trying to be cool.

Sammy Watkins is a future College Football free safety out of South Fort Myers High School in Florida. He is being recruited by every big time program in the South and after watching this video you can tell he has a real good nose for the football. He absolutely ruined that kid's life by laying him out. Every time that mop head turns direction he is going to have Watkin's elbow in the back of his mind. I'm actually shocked the kid got up. I probably would have sucked my thumb while pissing on myself.

Video HT: BarStoolSports via SportsByBrooks

THIS WEEK IN UNNECESSARY CENSORSHIP

I forgot to mention the Los Angeles Lakers won the NBA Title last night. If you were wondering why I forgot to mention such a huge accomplishment for the Lakers organization it was because the game was so completely boring and both teams absolutely stunk it up. Kobe Bryant was god awful but still won the MVP because everybody else besides Ron Artest had shit performances shooting the ball. I know there are a lot of Kobe fans out there and they want to put him on a pedestal now with MJ but please stop. Kobe is a great player but he still isn't close to what Jordan was and he never will be. No means no Kobe fans.

Congrats on winning your 16th Championship. It must be tough to root for a team who wins all the time. I completely know how you feel.

Fuckers.

ANOTHER STUPID TIE

Let me start off by first saying that was the most exciting soccer game I have watched in a while. Slovenia is a country I had never even hear of before the World Cup started and today it looked like they were going to kick our ass by taking an early 2-0 lead. For some reason our lazy ass defenders decided they would rather be spectators after a 6 day layoff which was completely inexcusable. But the good ole U S of A fought back to tie thanks to a take your head off shot by Landon Donovan near the right post and then Michael Bradley with the beautiful follow in the 82nd minute. But then of course the refs had to ruin a great soccer game by calling one of the all-time bullshit calls by taking away a goal by Maurice Edu in the 86th minute by calling a US foul on the play. Nevermind that 3 of our players were literally being bear hugged during the play.

So instead of getting the win the refs took it away and gave us another fucking tie. These refs were absolutely horrible. They missed calls going both ways the whole game. Now the US will have another 5 days off before they play their next game against Algeria, one in which they will need to win if they want to advance. With the big break in between games why don't they play overtime or at least have penalty kicks? Enough with the stupid fucking ties. Nobody should ever play a sport to tie. As Herm Edwards said "YOU PLAY TO WIN THE GAME!" If they could cut out the tie garbage and also change the offsides crap (seriously there should be no offsides especially from a corner kick) then I think the game would be a lot more exciting and you know have an actual winner at the end.

But what do I know? I'm just another stupid American who doesn't get the "world" sport. Well you know what? America....America....America....FUCK YEAH!



Image courtesy of Getty Images

SCRATCH THE MOUNTAIN WEST TO BECOME A BCS CONFERENCE; UTAH BOLTING FOR THE PAC-10

Last week Boise State joined the Mountain West Conference and in my head I thought with the ten teams now in the conference they should get an automatic BCS bowl bid. Scratch that thought. The Utah Utes are expected to accept an invitation to become the 12th team in the new PAC-10 in what we now be a two division split.

With Utah expected to become the Pac-10's 12th team Thursday, the question arises: How will the conference split up its divisions?
Most likely, new additions Colorado and Utah will play in a southern division with Arizona, Arizona State, USC and UCLA.

This is of course is great news for the Utes. They have won two BCS bowl games to finish off two undefeated seasons and they could have a chance to compete right away for a PAC-10 title. With the USC sanctions look out for the Utes in 2012. They will earn a shitload more money and get a ton of exposure in a BCS Conference. Maybe even compete for a National Title.

This royally sucks for the Mountain West Conference. They will look to add another program but replacing Utah will be tough. They were well on their way to being a legit football conference but now you have to wonder if the Big 12 will now try to pry away TCU from them. Losing TCU and Utah would make the conference bad. I'm talking Big East bad.



Tune in tomorrow for the latest domino effect.


Photo courtesy of AP/Dave Martin

CLAY TRAVIS HAD ME AT TEXAS=COWARDS

Picture courtesy of Frumpzilla.com

As you probably know I wasn't too happy earlier this week when I found out the Texas Longhorns pulled the asshole card out and decided to stick with the Big 12 Conference. I say "asshole" because they managed to convince Nebraska to leave for the Big Ten and Colorado to leave for the Pac-10 and they were playing with Oklahoma, Texas Tech, and Texas A&M who were ready to bounce where ever the Longhorns landed. Instead they stayed in a shitty conference that plays no defense and now as long as they win their annual Red River Shootout game they have a good chance of going undefeated during their powder puff regular season. This gives them an excellent chance of making the BCS Title game almost annually. It sort of like USC in the Pac-10. The competition blows in those conferences unlike the SEC and without a playoff we get stuck watching two soft teams automatically play for a championship.

Anyways with that being said AOL's FanHouse Clay Travis (a Vandy alum) decided to lay the lumber on Texas by calling them "The Biggest Coward Program in College Football." I could sum it up in a few sentences but it won't do it justice. Travis hits the nail on the head...

Conference realignment died because the Texas football program is made up of cowards who are aware that the Longhorns program can't compete at the top levels of the SEC or the Pac-10. That's what your takeaway from the past two weeks of conference realignment really needs to be. Yep, the state that values masculine swagger more than any other in the nation features a top football program that is yella.

All hat, no cattle.

The Longhorns had offers to move on to compete with top echelon talent in the SEC and the Pac-10. Instead, like recalcitrant female cattle, they balked, choosing to remain in a weakened Big 12 that is minus two of the traditional powers in the league.

How bad is Texas' schedule now even with a round-robin nine-game slate to come in 2012? It's likely the Longhorns will have one top 25 conference game a season, the annual Texas-Oklahoma tussle in October. Meaning Texas will try and back door its way into the BCS title game each season by avoiding challenges rather than competing with the best in college football.

If Sam Houston had known the cowardice of the Longhorns in 2010, he would have forgotten the Alamo.

What's more, while Texas is a coward in the larger universe of college football, the Longhorns are a bully in their own conference, the equivalent of a mob boss extracting loyalty payments from the five weakest members. Why did Texas (along with Oklahoma and Texas A&M) take a larger share of contractual payouts owed by Colorado and Nebraska for leaving the conference?

Because it could.

But that's how bullies always behave, right?



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They beat up on the weak and then get their asses kicked or turn tail when someone steps to them. Ask Colt McCoy and Texas about that. The Longhorns quarterback threw for 4 billion yards in his career against the sisters of the poor defenses in the Big 12. He lasted for less than a full quarter against an SEC defense. Yep, the SEC and the Pac-10 would have been the barbed wire to Texas' BCS title dreams.

And that's what the Longhorns feared more than anything. Once it joined the SEC or the Pac 10, Texas is just another program, packing a six-shooter with no bullets. Waving that gun around in the air and yelling ain't scaring away Marcell Dareus on the blitz. He's calling your bluff and slapping you with your own empty gun. People might start to realize that for all the swagger, the Longhorns have just one national title in the past 39 years, nearly two generations of failing to capture the ultimate prize. They might also realize that most years, Texas can't even get past Oklahoma, the overrated team you've last seen being stomped by whatever opponent the Sooners draw in the BCS games, title or otherwise.

That's because when it comes to Texas football, the perception of success is much greater than the reality of success. Hell, give Texas credit though, at least it's the best of a bad lot. What can you say for Oklahoma or Texas A&M? Two ostensible rival schools that had the opportunity to prove they could stand on their own in the new world order of college athletics and instead hid behind Texas' skirt. In Romeo and Juliet, Shakespeare wrote during his famous balcony scene, "It is the East and Juliet is the sun!" If the bard dove into the mess that is the Big 12, he could adopt the same phraseology, "It is the Big 12 and Texas is the sun!"

Because never in the history of college athletics has one program so dominated the puny conference sisters it surrounds itself with. Texas is not just the sun, but the moon and the stars, while the rest of the teams in the conference are its piddling orbiting satellites. It's only a matter of time, one would think, before the Longhorns demand the gate for games they play on the other school's campus.

That's what mob bosses do, they take and take and take until someone kills them.

You think anyone in the Big 12 has the stones to step to Texas?

Hell no.

And if you've cast your conference lot with a program that doubles as the sun, moon and stars, it might be worth asking how you ever compete with that school. Do you think Texas is ever losing a recruit to a program that voluntarily turned over its millions so you could continue to be extorted in the future? Does the mob boss have a smaller house than the poor schmuck he takes down for more money? Those are rhetorical questions. And there's your answer right there, every other school in the conference has no desire to be number one. They're just comfortable basking in the penumbra of Texas' exaggerated greatness.

Of course, the ultimate irony of this entire mess is that the joke is on all college football fans. All of us, the poor sots who tramp to our respective campuses each week in an effort to determine the best team in the nation. Because we've actually created a BCS system that encourages bullying cowardice like Texas'. Instead of forcing the best to compete and crowning a champion on the field by rewarding the two best teams, we've created a system where avoiding challenges and beating up on weaker programs gives you an automatic invite to the BCS title game.

How else to explain Texas and Oklahoma appearing in six BCS title games between them and racking up a bully-like 2-4 record with an average margin of defeat of more than 18 points in those games? Texas isn't just a coward, it is gaming the system, rigging the results to allow them a position it can't earn on the field.

In the end we're left with only one conclusion: Deep in the heart of Texas lives a football program of cowards.

Time for a new burnt orange slogan:

Hook 'em ... unless you can run and hide from 'em.

I've always had a respect for the Texas Longhorns program so don't think I'm picking on them. I also think Notre Dame has played the coward card by not joining a conference and scheduling games with Tulsa, Western Michigan, and the usual run with the Military schools. They schedule these games because they know if they can just manage to win 9-10 games that their name is so big that they will almost automatically get into a BCS bowl game whether it is deserved or not. And I will go on record to say the only BCS game Notre Dame ever deserved to make was the 2006 Fiesta Bowl. The others were complete bullshit.

For the overall good of college football we need programs to challenge themselves and forget about the "tradition" of the bowl system and work together to form mega conferences that going forward can get us a playoff system. I know a lot of people who love the system the way it is now and don't want to change a thing. Honestly I don't understand these people. I understand that programs like Texas and Notre Dame are more concerned about getting their money for their programs and not sharing it but they have to realize that for the greater good of the sport itself they could make seismic changes by pushing forward a playoff system instead of only worrying about the number of zeros in their television and licensing contracts.

AN OLDIE BUT A GOODIE

This video still cracks me up. This guy honestly might be my hero. "It's time" should go down in YouTube history. If I were Derek Dooley at Tennessee I would make BigVolDaddy the official mascot. Screw Smokey. BigVolDaddy would piss all over the competition.

CHIPPER JONES NEARING RETIREMENT?

AJC.COM's Carroll Rogers has the breaking news of a possible Chipper Jones retirement announcement effective at the end of the 2010 season. Say it ain't so Chip!

First I was told Chipper was going to meet with Frank Wren and Bobby Cox today to discuss his future and then talk to the media afterward, in all likelihood to say he’s leaning toward retiring at the end of the season.

Just a few minutes ago, after all this kicked up today, I was told Chipper thinks the retirement speculation is premature and doesn’t plan to talk to the media about it today.

Obviously Chipper has been struggling this year and has seen his power numbers (3 Home runs) dip while his age has soared (38 years old). Chipper is an iconic figure in Atlanta Braves history and as far as I can remember is the only Brave to spend his whole career putting on the spikes solely in Atlanta. It would suck to see Chipper go out this way since in my mind he is a first ballot Hall of Famer (his numbers at 3B put him up there with Mike Schmidt, Brooks Robinson, and George Brett for all-time greats) and he deserves the proper send off much like Bobby Cox is getting this season and the way Cal Ripken Jr. got during his final season.

Larry will be hard to replace. Braves fan and the local media are quick to point out that they can simply resign Troy Glaus (who should be starting in the All-Star Game) and shift him to third and then bring up young Freddie Freeman from Gwinnett. That would be smart if Troy wasn't coming off his age 33 season in which a typical baseball player (minus the performance enhancers) starts to decline dramatically in terms of production and health. Also Freeman has been struggling mightily at AAA with an OPS of .746, an on base percentage that is Frenchy-like and only 5 home runs in 200 plate appearances. He isn't viewed as the can't miss prospect anymore but then again he is only 20 years old and could right the ship with a couple of hot weeks in Gwinnett.

Omar Infante has done an admirable job this season filling in for both Yunel Escobar (maybe he should think about retiring considering his struggles) and Chipper but isn't seen as long term solution as a starter. Infante is great as a sub but I have my doubts he could start every day and thrive like Martin Prado. So in conclusion Braves fans should be worried about Chipper retiring not only because he will be missed as a teammate but his production will be hard to replace.

GM Frank Wren could look to go the free agent route with Jorge Cantu, Ty Wigginton, and Bradon Inge all unrestricted free agents in 2011 but none of those guys bring back the fond memories of Chipper in a Braves uniform. Hopefully Chipper will feel a rejuvenation as the season progresses and his bat comes around much like Glaus did in May. I don't want to see Chipper go out this way. He deserves the proper send off but I'm also sure Chipper's pride won't let him be a distraction and it wouldn't shock me to see him hang up the cleats abruptly like Ken Griffey Jr.

Either way Chipper will be missed in Atlanta. You can't replace a legend.

DAMN YOU TEXAS

It looked like Texas was all ready to jump ship to either the SEC, PAC-10, or Big Ten and help form some super conferences and then they had to get all uppity and wanted to get some ass and start driving a Range Rover.


Orangebloods.com is reporting that Texas will now stay put in the Big 12 which will now become a ten team conference. Boring. Big 12 commissioner Dan Beebe has come up with some lucrative television deal with the conference that would pay Texas $20-25 million per season in revenue. Of course now it looks like the other teams (Oklahoma, Okie State, Texas Tech, and Texas A&M) who were all willing to jump ship on this shit hole of a conference are now going to stay put all because Texas is getting paid big time.

Damn you Texass. Now the Longhorns won't have to worry about playing Nebraska or Colorado and losing to them and instead will be playing in a conference with only one heavyweight (Oklahoma) who have too much vaginal secretion to go join another conference without Texas permission.

It was all working out so well. A&M was going to go to the SEC and the other 4 schools were going to go to the PAC-10 to join Colorado in a super conference. And then Notre Dame was going to the Big Ten and the SEC was going to steal a few ACC schools and then we would be on our way to an eventual playoff system. But no. Same old crappy bowl system and "BC$" to look forward to for the next 10 years. It's all about the money and not crowning a true national champion as always.

College football is the definition of insanity. Look it up. Here ya go.


Texas=cocktease

VINCE YOUNG SEEMS LIKE A NICE GUY...

but don't go flashing any upside down "Hook Em Horns" signs while he is at the strip club.



Titans look like they have made a wise investment with Vince Young. The guy has clearly matured since he left Austin and his leadership skills are outstanding when it comes to defending the Horns. If you are Jeff Fisher what do you say to Young? Aren't quarterbacks suppose to be the cool ones when under fire? I don't ever remember Joe Montana or John Elway throwing punches when someone made fun of Lou Holtz or the homeless guy dressed as the Stanford mascot.

If Young was not an athlete or famous he would be behind bars right now. Him and Rapelisberger should start hanging out. And by "hanging out" I mean they should spoon with each other.

Video HT: SportsByBrooks

KATY PERRY IS ALL ABOUT THE WORLD CUP

WWTDD.com has the pictures of Katy Perry wearing a rubber dress split into one half American flag and one half Great Britian. What the fuck is she trying to do? Create a war I would guess. Katy darling, you are a stinkin American. I don't give a shit if you are dating some heroin junkie from England. We claimed you as soon as your enormous b...personality hit the airwaves. Don't make us hate you. Don't turn into Madonna with some fake Brit accent. The States claim you as a national treasure. Two enormous treasures.

Anywho the US tied England 1-1 in a thrilling match or so I have heard. I had a baseball game that day and missed it. Supposedly the England goalkeeper fucked up and supposedly the games still sound like they are being played in a Bees nest. I haven't had a chance to watch much of the action but "Captain America" has told me the games will get better the next round. USA doesn't play till Friday against Slovenia and why am I telling you this? No clue.

Doesn't matter because Germany is going to win. Their beer and steaks are clearly better than anything Brazil or Argentina can muster up.

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TIGER WOODS NEW JUPITER ISLAND COMPOUND

Jose Lambiet has the pictures of Tiger Woods new compound that is being finished. Tony Montana would be burying cockaroaches for the rights to live in a place this big. Tiger is going to get so much ass in there. I'm talking crazy boy band ass...

Starting platforms have yet to be installed on the two-lane 100-foot or so lap pool, while the diving platform already towers over the diving pool to the north. As for the compound, the nearly 10,000-square-foot house is on the right (south). Woods’ 9,500-square-foot gym, complete with a brand spanking new oxygen therapy room, is across from what’s expected to be a reflecting pool.

So if you are like me and your neighborhood doesn't have a pool and you most certainly can't afford one yourself so you go sneak into Apartment pools (pool code is usually 243) then you can just think of poor old Tiger slumming it this weekend with about 10 girls begging for his juice. Poor guy. I feel for him.


Orginally found at TheBigLead