Week 12

Week 12 picks are going to be short and sweet. Sorry guys, but haven't had any time at all in the last few weeks to do much. Here it comes...

Nebraska vs Texas AM
Huskers are bigger and badder. Take nothing away from the Aggies, they've had a great run at the end, but they don't have the team to beat the Huskers.

Huskers 38 vs Texas AM 17

Ohio State vs Iowa
I said earlier in the year that this would be the Buckeyes biggest test and I still think Iowa is very good, but I'm not convinced they are ready for a Buckeye team on cruise control right now. Terrell Pryor is playing much better near the end of the season and while I still think the Hawkeyes are very good, not sure they will be good enough today.

Buckeyes 21 vs Iowa 17

Arkansas vs Miss State
I would say this is an important one in the West, but this is more of a battle of the bigger bowl. Arkansas is good and should be at full strength this week. I think it's fair to say Mississippi State has been a huge surprise in the SEC this season. While this may be a great game, Arkansas has more firepower and will win this shoot out.

Hogs 42 vs Dogs 31

Miami vs Va Tech
The Hurricanes have a new starting QB and fourth string Morriss is going to have a huge test today against a strong Hokie team. The Hokies have Ryan Williams back and are looking like the future winners of the ACC. Even though Miami is playing at home, the Hokies are too good for the Hurricanes this year. Look for a tough match and if special teams have anything to say about it, we all know Beamer Ball is the best in the nation.

Hurricanes 10 vs Hokies 28

TOM BRADY TRIED TO DO WHAT?

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KING FELIX WINS CY YOUNG

The greatest thing about King Felix Hernandez winning the Cy Young is the thought of Peter Gammons farting out a mixture of C.C. Sabathia and Jon Lester baby batter right now in shock. Hernandez was the obvious winner yet there are jackasses everywhere on Facebook (staring you down Kige Ramsey) whom bitch and moan about him not deserving it because he played on a losing team. Idiots.

THE INEVITABLE: SON OF A PREACHER MAN (CAM NEWTON EDITION)

Is this guy's name really MoonPie? What was Oatmeal Cream Pie taken or something? Holy fuck I use to love MoonPie back in the day but I think if I had one now I would be shitting for days on end. The song is actually decent. Kind of funny too. As long as Cam Newton keeps playing he will always have the last laugh. Personally I hope he does keep playing. The kid is fun as hell to watch. He's the black version of Tim Tebow except Tebow probably made twice as much as Cam did in college considering he was a three year starter.

127 HOURS LOOKS GREAT BUT WHEN THE FUCK DOES IT COME TO ATLANTA?

I've been frantically looking all over the internet trying to find out when the newest Danny Boyle flick hits Atlanta theaters and I've had no luck. Can somebody please find out for me? The true story about Aron Ralston getting trapped under a boulder and somehow surviving by unimaginable ways is sure to be a great movie with director Boyle putting his touches on it. Some of my favorite movies include 28 Days Later, Trainspotting, and Slumdog Millionaire so you know Boyle will do a kickass job on this one. So somebody help a brother out. I'm not an idiot but for some reason this movie was released back in September or some shit and I can't find it playing anywhere.

MICHAEL FLOYD IS NOT ONE OF THE TEN BEST RECEIVERS IN THE GAME?

Yesterday the Biletnikoff Award announced their 10 semifinalists for the best receiver in the country. And for some bizarre reason they left Notre Dame's Michael Floyd off the list. Yep, somehow Floyd is not considered a top 10 receiver in the college game. Holy shit I hate these fucking awards. Here are your semifinalists and their stats compared to Floyd:

Oklahoma State Justin Blackmon-84 catches 1430 yards 16 TD's
Blackmon should be the run away winner. Despite the one game suspension because of a DUI he has dominated every game. He isn't the best receiver in the college game but he is having the best season and deserves to win it.

Oklahoma’s Ryan Broyles-94 catches 1196 yards 11 TD's
Broyles is a good possession receiver and his stats are unreal this year. He is more a product of the system though.

Texas A&M’s Jeff Fuller-61 catches 923 yards 11 TD's
What a shock, another fucking Big 12 receiver. Fuller has good numbers but nobody in their right mind would take him over Floyd.

Kentucky’s Randall Cobb-66 catches 839 yards 7 TD's
Cobb's stats are about identical to MF. He has a few more catches and a few more yards and MF has more TD's. Ask any NFL GM who would they rather have and 99.9% would say Floyd.

Georgia’s A.J. Green-41 catches 674 yards 9 TD's
Green is the best in the game, no doubt. Even with Blackmon's season I would still say Green is the most dominant receiver. But shouldn't a suspension of 4 games for violating NCAA rules (albeit dumb rules) void you from contention for an award?

South Carolina’s Alshon Jeffrey-65 catches 1087 yards 7 TD's
No argument here. Jeffrey is having a solid season and is one of the nation's best. I would still take Floyd over him though.

Alabama Julio Jones-58 catches 799 yards 4 TD's
Floyd has the same amount of catches and yards receiving but he has 5 more TD's with a freshman QB in a first year system. There is no fucking way Julio should be on this list above Floyd. Julio is a good player but ever since high school he has been a little overhyped.

SMU’s Aldrick Robinson-50 catches 994 yards 10 TD's
SMU still has a football team? Robinson is putting up great stats in June Jones offense. So does every other receiver.

Hawaii’s Greg Salas-83 catches 1246 yards 8 TD's
No one is going to take a pineapple fucker over Floyd. No one. Nice stats though.

Western Michigan’s Jordan White-72 catches 1057 yards 8 TD's
I mean you got to be shitting me right? A Western fucking Michigan receiver! Notre Dame played them this year and Michael Floyd ran circles around White.

Notre Dame's Michael Floyd-59 catches 767 yards 9 TD's
Granted Floyd's stats are not as incredible as last year's winner Golden Tate but then again Golden was catching balls from Jimmy Clausen who was deadly accurate. Dayne Crist when healthy was streaky at best and now Floyd is catching balls from a true freshman in Tommy Rees under a first year spread offense under coach Brian Kelly and still is putting up comparable stats to the ten semifinalists. I'm not saying Floyd is the best receiver in the country (I would rather have Green and Blackmon right now) but he is definitely top 5. There is no reason he should be left off this list. The one game he missed this season was the Navy game. Notre Dame's offense was anemic because of it.

Floyd's combination of size (6'3 235 lbs) and speed (I'm banking he runs a solid 4.4-4.5 even on the shitty field conditions of Notre Dame) plus his hands makes him one of the top 5 receivers in the college game. Some people will want to point out a drop here or there or a fumble but every single player on this list has had those this season. In conclusion Floyd got screwed of the recognition he deserved. Now he needs to take out his frustration on Army and USC the next two weeks and show the country he deserves to be in the same discussion as the other semifinalists.

I'M SHOCKED THESE TWO ASSHOLES ARE GETTING DIVORCED

A professional basketball player cheated on his wife. Holy shit! Why Tony? Why?

Maybe because she made him do this stupid ass Grease musical. Shame on Eva Longoria. Now go wax that mustache short stuff and start sluttin it up again.

ATLANTA FALCONS ARE THE NEW #1 TEAM IN THE NFL

Thank god the NFL doesn't use bullshit ranking systems and computers when it comes to deciding the SuperBowl Champion but it is refreshing to see so many experts pick the Atlanta Falcons as the best team in the "power rankings."

The latest is ESPN. They got the Falcons #1 followed by the Patriots, Jets, Ravens, and Steelers. Right now the Falcons are in the driver's seat for the #1 seed in the NFC at 7-2. Getting homefield advantage throughout would be huge. Matt Ryan is 18-1 in the friendly confines of the Georgia Dome. 4 of the next 5 games are on the road with Green Bay being the lone home game next Sunday. If the Falcons can go 3-2 (beat St. Louis, Tampa, and Carolina) then there chances of locking up the #1 seed is good. If they can go 4-1 (beat all the above mentioned and one of Green Bay or Seattle on the road) then homefield is pretty much guarenteed with the final two games (New Orleans and Carolina) of the season being in the Dome.

13-3 gets it done. 12-4 and you could be looking at a road playoff game in Philly, New York, or Green Bay.

Just win Matty Ice!

BRAVES GET THE RIGHT HANDED POWER BAT THEY WANTED IN DAN UGGLA

Atlanta Braves General Manager Frank Wren knew going into this offseason that his ball club had a major gaping hole in it's lineup: power right handed bat. Yesterday he accomplished one of his goals by acquiring second baseman Dan Uggla from the Florida Marlins for Omar Infante and Mike Dunn. In the last 5 seasons only one right handed National League player has more home runs than Uggla. His name is Albert Pujols.

Uggla will more than likely start at second base with fellow All-Star Martin Prado moving to third base. With the infield complete (Freddie Freeman at 1B, Alex Gonzalez at SS and Brian McCann at C) the Braves will now look to make a drastic improvement to the outfield. The only player penciled into new coach Fredi Gonzalez lineup is Jason Heyward in RF. Nate McLouth could be the starting CF which would be absolutely horrible in my opinion. There is no left fielder unless they resign Matt Diaz. The Diamondbacks have made it known that 23 year old budding superstar Justin Upton is on the market. He would be the perfect left fielder for the Braves. He's young, steals bases, has power, and is signed through 2015. It would take a lot to get Upton and the DBacks are looking for arms. If I'm the Braves there is no way in hell I trade Tommy Hanson, Johnny Venters, or Craig Kimbrel. Everyone else is available for Upton. I would think Julio Teheran and Jair Jurrjens gets the deal done easily. If I'm the Braves I would try to trade Mike Minor, Brandon Beachy, and one of Teheran/Jurrjens for Upton and see if they would put Stephen Drew in with the deal.

If this deal could go through you are looking at this potential lineup:
LF-Justin Upton
3B-Martin Prado
RF-Jason Heyward
2B-Dan Uggla
C-Brian McCann
1B-Freddie Freeman
SS-Alex Gonzalez
CF-Nate McLouth/anybody else

This is a lineup that would score a shitload of runs. The pitching would still be excellent with Huddy, Hanson, and Lowe anchoring the staff and one of the best bullpens in the league.

What do you think the Braves and Frank Wren should do to improve the ballclub?

WHO IS CARMELO ANTHONY?

I can excuse the girl for not knowing the answer but the guy from Georgia Southern is just flat out embarrassing. "Who is Carmelo Anthony?"...are you fucking kidding me kid? Everyone knows it's Lebron James. Idiot.

A BLOODY WHITE VERSION OF LAWRENCE TAYLOR

Once the lights came back on at Giants Stadium all hell broke loose. I would be fired up too if I paid good money to see my team get their asses kicked by the 1-7 Cowgirls.

With the Giants losing here are my top 5 NFC Teams in terms of Power Rankings:
1) Atlanta Falcons
2) Green Bay Packers
3) Philadelphia Eagles
4) New York Giants
5) New Orleans Saints

A NEW PRODUCT FOR UGA NATION

Come on Georgia fans. You are better than this. Please stop complaining about Auburn playing dirty. It's football. You lost. Deal with it. Now go stomp on those Nerds and make a bowl game.

CLEVER COLLEGE GAMEDAY SIGN FROM COLUMBUS

And here I was thinking the Buckeyes Nation in general had very little reading and writing comprehension. Tressel and crew did a good tease job with "Weekend at Bernies" and myself in the first half before slaughtering them and covering the 19 points.

BUSTER POSEY WINS ROOKIE OF THE YEAR...HEYWARD PONDERS LAWSUIT

In what appears as a clear cut trademark infringement case today SportsCrack.com has learned exclusively* that Buster Posey has stolen the rights to the Rookie of the Year Award from Jason "The J-K's Kid" Heyward. Heyward and the media on his behalf claimed rights at the start of the season to the "National League Rookie of the Year" saying and that Heyward had exclusive rights to the award. Despite Posey's better stats and actual production in the playoffs while playing a tougher position and leading the Giants to their first World Series title in San Francisco Heyward felt he deserved the award because his batting coach back in middle school claimed he would win the Award and thus he had exclusive rights.

When asked for comment about the possible lawsuit and legal ramifications for Posey if he does not return the Rookie of the Year Award to Heyward Buster simply replied: "Try not striking out so fucking much J-Kward!"

Spoken like a true gentleman.

* exclusively=complete and utter bullshit, please don't sue us. It's a joke.

Disclaimer: none of these quotes or any part of this story is factual other than the fact that Posey deserved the Rookie of the Year and Heyward does in fact strike out way too much.

ARGENTINA'S DANCING WITH THE STARS IS MORE FAMILY FRIENDLY

And by "family friendly" if you count motorboating and finger blasting as normal viewing pleasures. I mean WOW! I literally thought they were going to fuck right there. It was as clear as day. If the host didn't stop it there would have been body fluids all over the cameras. I need to go take a cold shower immediately.

Video via BarStoolSports

SHOULD AUBURN SUSPEND NICK FAIRLEY?

If you were watching the Auburn-Georgia game on Saturday you saw at least one of two things: Cam Newton running wild and/or DT Nick Fairley destroying Georgia QB Aaron Murray. Georgia fans have been up in arms the past two days saying Fairley (a literal one man wrecking crew on the Auburn D Line) should be suspended and should have at the very least been thrown out of the game on Saturday for the "cheap" hits on Murray. I have no dog in this fight but from what I have seen I don't think it would warrant a suspension. Yes Fairley did lead with his helmet into the middle of Murray's back. There is no disputing that. But when it comes to football a lot of plays are split second decisions. The video above shows the play in super slow mo. In real time this is about half a second to a second. We don't know for sure if Fairley even knew Murray had thrown the ball. To me it looks like he has already committed to nailing the shit out of him which is fine in my books because this is FOOTBALL. And please people don't start with the leading with the helmet argument. How is he suppose to tackle? With his feet? If Georgia fans want to be pissed off at something it should have been about why their offensive line couldn't stop one guy. Fairley is a beast and even with their double teams he still managed to get to Murray.

With the win on Saturday Auburn clinched the SEC West and will now take a week off before playing Alabama in the Iron Bowl next Friday. If they win in Tuscaloosa then all they have between them and the BCS Title game is South Carolina in the Georgia Dome. South Carolina won't stop Cam Newton or Nick Fairley.

For Georgia they now fall to 5-6 but get a week off to prepare for in-state rival Georgia Tech. It's the biggest must win situation in Mark Richt's tenure in Athens. Win and they go to a bowl. Lose and all hell will break loose. Georgia fans are already restless over the last two seasons and a loss against the North Avenue Trade School would send them over the top.

Do you think Fairley should be suspended for the Alabama game because of the hits on Murray?

You ever wonder what Three Bald Guys think of Fairley and his vicious hits? I knew you did. Well here ya go...

GUS JOHNSON CALLING THE GAME WINNING DAVID GARRARD HAIL MARY

Gus Johnson is without a doubt the best play-by-play announcer in sports. His March Madness calls are legendary and now his NFL calls are quickly catching up.

I don't know what NBC has to do but get rid of Tom Hammond and hire Gus away from CBS. I'm telling you this guy would bring in way more viewers than fucking Frankenstein Hammond. I want to hear Gus having a heart attack every time the Fighting Irish put the ball in the endzone. Make it happen NBC.

COLLEGE FOOTBALL PREDICTIONS

UTAH (-6) AT NOTRE DAME
The Utes make their first ever trip to Notre Dame for Senior Day. The Utes are fresh off a shelacking at the hands of TCU and are looking to rebound against a depleted Irish team. Notre Dame has lost their starting QB, RB, TE, WR, and DT all to season ending injuries. The current senior class has the most losses in Notre Dame history. I haven't seen anything on the field to make me think Notre Dame wins this game. Brian Kelly will get them turned around as soon as he weeds out this senior class.

Prediction: Utah 27 Notre Dame 20

GEORGIA (+7) AT AUBURN
Even with Cam Newton playing I think this will be a close game. A.J. Green should have a big day against a very average Auburn secondary. Georgia has won 4 straight in this rivalry and even though they will have the lead in the 2nd half the Tigers survive.

Prediction: Auburn 42 Georgia 38


Penn State at Ohio State (-19.5)
I have no idea why College Gameday is in Columbus this weekend. They must have been scared to go down to Auburn after the whole Newton fiasco. Terrelle Pryor will have a great game and get a lot of undue Heisman hype after this one. Buckeyes roll.

Prediction: Buckeyes 42 Penn State 13

Mississippi State at Alabama (-13.5)
The Tide have their backs to the wall. If they lose then they are out of BCS bowl contention. Win and they still have a chance. Call it a gut feeling but I think we see Alabama's best game today.

Prediction: Bama 31 Whiny Snitching Bitches 10

South Carolina (+6.5) at Florida
The Ole Ball Coach will have a great gameplan for the Cocks in Gainesville. They will screen the shit out of them and even with a banged up Marcus Lattimore he should carry the team. I'm calling the upset here.

Prediction: South Carolina 17 Gators 16

Oregon at Cal (over 62)
It's not too often you see a team who is undefeated at home in November as a 3 touchdown underdog on their home field. Oregon is going to pile on the points and they might put 62 by themselves. Go with the over here.

Prediction: Oregon 70 Cal 35

VICTORIA'S SECRET FASHION SHOW SENDS YOU INTO THE WEEKEND

My invitation must have got lost in the mail...