Boston Fans are very hospitable to the Canadians

Why no free health care jokes? What about their beady eyes? Come on Bahston. You can do better.

Inspirational words from Kenny Powers

“Some people say Kenny Powers is a woman-hater. That's not true; I love women - every f**kin' one of 'em. Even the ugly-as-sh*t ones. But don't ask me to trust 'em, even nuns, because every pair of tits comes with a gaping hole of need that even Kenny Powers can't fill.” – Kenny Powers

Gary Neal doesn't need no stinkin' replay

San Antonio Spurs reserve Gary Neal came up huge last night with the game and the series on the line with this huge 3 pointer to tie the game and send it to overtime. The Spurs went on to win the game and extend the series to a Game 6. I missed this game because I was too busy taking a shit. Seriously. Tornados are scary and the safest place is your bathroom from what I have heard.

Tuscaloosa Tornado barely avoids Bryant-Denny Stadium

Tuscaloosa Tornado (4/26/2011)

While we were bunkered out in our neighbor's basement yesterday the University of Alabama in Tuscaloosa, AL took a direct hit from a major tornado. Luckily the ghost of Bear Bryant wouldn't let mother nature destroy Alabama's football stadium. Bryant-Denny Stadium was spared but a ton of others weren't so lucky. If you would like to help the Red Cross in response to the devastating tornados that swept through the Southeast yesterday by donations go to this link.

Atlanta IHOP's are good for fisticuffs

I think it's pretty obvious what happened here. The girl in handcuffs wanted her Rooty Tooty Fresh N' Fruity with scrambled eggs and instead was given over easy. I've been there. It's infuriating. The cop then came over and said IHOP was all out of scrambled and all hell broke loose. The point is you don't ever mess with a drunk girl and her scrambled eggs. The officer had every right to punch her out once she threw the first punch. Live by the fist die by the fist is what I say. I'm sure they had plenty of scrambled eggs in the big house. Also kudos goes out to the cop for the arrest. He could have easily ripped her clothes off just to make sure she wasn't armed and dangerous. It's better not to do it in public and instead wait to get her in the cop car. It's Officer 101.

Say it isn't so: Zibby fails drug test at boxing match

Just off a bone crushing knockout to improve his record to 4-0 in the professional ranks of boxing the last thing I expected to hear with former Notre Dame All-American safety Tommy Zbikowski is "failed drug test." Apparently the Chickasaw Nation Boxing Commission found enough evidence after his fight on Saturday night to suspend him for 45 days.

But did Zibby really do anything wrong?

His boxing coach, Mike Joyce, told the Chicago Sun-Times they planned to appeal the test result, which they believed was in error.

"After the fight, all the fighters tested were positive," Joyce told the paper. "They had you pee in a cup and put a strip of something in there. I've never seen results where you get them the day of the fight. It was like a home pregnancy test or something."

With the NFL lockout still in full force and a scheduled June 4th fight at the Staples Center in Los Angeles on the horizon a 45 day suspension could hurt Zibby's pockets big time. It sounds pretty fishy if all the boxers tested positive. On a positive note if Janoris Jenkins is looking for a new dealer he knows where to go.

Gators dismiss Janoris Jenkins from program

First year head coach Will Muschamp made his first extremely difficult decision today when he announced star cornerback Janoris Jenkins will no longer be a part of the Gators program following his third arrest for marijuana possession. Gatorzone.com has the details...

Jenkins was dismissed from the team during a meeting Tuesday morning with first-year Gators head coach Will Muschamp. Jenkins could face more legal issues following his latest arrest early Saturday morning in Gainesville.


“After meeting with Janoris Jenkins today, we both felt it was in his best interest to move ahead to the next stage of his career,'' Muschamp said.

Losing Jenkins is a pretty big blow for the Gators defense. Projected by many draft experts to be a 1st round talent this past season, Jenkins surprised a lot of people when he decided to return to Gainesville for his senior season. With his dismissal from the program the first-team All-SEC pick from last season will look to enter the supplemental draft. It's almost impossible to replace lockdown corners and Jenkins shoes will have to be filled with either senior Moses Jenkins or sophomores Jeremy Brown and Cody Riggs.

We reached out to Janoris Jenkins to get his response. He was a little preoccupied.

Michael Irvin is still on the coke, delivering rah rah speeches to Miami football players

Cocaine is a hell of a drug. It can cause the stimulation of the central nervous system to which affects the brain's processing of dopamine, a brain chemical associated with pleasure and movement. There has been nothing pleasurable in regards to Da U the past decade. Even with Michael Irvin delivering coke-raged speeches to scared shitless teenagers whom have little idea how to win. It isn't going to change the fact that Miami football sucks right now. New head coach Al Golden could get the team turned around. But it's going to take a lot of booger sugar.

"THE BEAST" SHIRTS ARE NOW FOR SALE

If you watched the Spring Game you saw the unveiling of "The Beast" as he completely dominated the line of scrimmage. The true freshman is looking to make an early impact this fall and will no doubt go "Beast." In honor of college football's best incoming freshman we decided to make a shirt and get this...call it "The Beast."

We are taking preorders now with shirts shipping on April 27th 2011. Order yours today! We got a limited number of shirts and once they are sold out they are gone for good. As always a portion of all SportsCrack.com t-shirts sales goes to the American Cancer Society.

Life as a Cub's Fan

Even the fans can't win in Wrigleyville. You might as well just stamp 1908 on that girl's head.

Video via TheBigLead

I COULD WATCH THIS SHIT ALL DAY: JON GRUDEN'S QB CAMP WITH JAKE LOCKER

ESPN'S Jon Gruden has a feeling about Washington's Jake Locker. He never tells you what the feeling is because he is trying to be nice to the kid. Let's be honest here. Locker was an average college quarterback. He never took that step forward that so many experts projected after his freshman season. But the crazy thing is despite his shaky at best accuracy and his questionable decision making at a position where one play can lose you a game the fact that Locker has good measurables in arm strength, speed, and size he could be a 1st round draft pick.

I don't claim to be an expert when it comes to scouting quarterbacks. But I know when I see a special player. And Locker isn't that guy. BOOM!

Get it away from me: Tony La Russa's Face

The red hot Cardinals have a new good luck charm and it's not Albert Pujols' bat. Manager Tony La Russa has got one of the worst cases of pink eye I have ever seen. It's like he got shitfaced and decided to fall down the stairs...again. He says pinkeye but I say one too many glasses of Merlot.

"I'm not in a lot of pain," said La Russa yesterday. "It just scares kids. Like bad makeup in a horror movie."

Get your shit together Tony!


Image via RiverFrontTimes

Auburn has a new sponsorship with Geico

You may have seen Cam Newton in New York City recently with the NFL Draft just a week away. Apparently Cam was lucky enough to catch CashCab. Some guys just have all the luck.

Buck Showalter says WTF during Glee inspired National Anthem

Thank you Buck Showalter. Thank you. The Baltimore Orioles manager mouthed "what the fuck" last night when some Glee club completely butchered the National Anthem in Camden Yards. Words can not describe how much I hate it when singers try to mess with the song and make it their "own."

Baseball Slide of the Year

This happened in a Tupelo, MS high school baseball game a couple of days ago and I know I'm a little late to the punch here but fucking shit I want this kid on my baseball team. I don't even think the great Ichiro could pull something like that off.

Great illustration and case closed

Now that is some hands on reporting. You gotta get dirty sometimes and make the news especially in Kansas City.

HT to Dave.

HAPPY 420 DAY EVERYBODY!

Be safe out there and please, for the love of God, don't take what this poor schmuck took. Those were the good old days when your dogs would turn into panthers and goats would talk to you. You don't need it anymore. You got debt and a mortgage to pay. Joy.

Mike Leake's American Rag Shoplifting Ad

Tauntr.com has the most excellent American Rag ad endorsed by Cincinnati Red's pitcher Mike Leake. As you may have heard Leake got caught shoplifting 6 American Rag shirts worth a total of $60 yesterday. Yep. A guy who makes $450k a year is stealing fucking $10 shirts. What an asshole!

Aroldis Chapman hit 106 last night

I know the Reds probably know what they are doing but how in the holy fuck is Aroldis Chapman a middle reliever when he hits 106 on the gun? And people wonder why Dusty Baker doesn't have a World Series ring yet. Yeah, you heard right. 1...0...6!!!! He threw it to Andrew McCutchen last night and I don't even think God saw it. I would post a video of it but since MLB doesn't want to promote their sport I will just direct you to their site.

In the meantime go ahead and buy one of our Cuban Missile shirts.

Monopoly -Official Trailer

I smell summer blockbuster. Fuck Captain America and The Hangover 2. Monopoly will send those bitches straight to jail. Monopoly is going to straight up crush the box office this summer. I'm pretty much positive Christopher Nolan stole the musical score from Monopoly and somehow put it in Inception. I'm also sure that Tequila tastes best before noon Monday through Friday. These are things you learn when you type in your PJs at 3 in the afternoon.