American League Preview and Predictions

Detroit Tigers (95-67) vs. New York Yankees (97-65)

Regular season: Tigers won 4-3

PITCHING

The Yankees are all about C.C. Sabathia and for good reason. The big guy is a proven winner in big games and this season he again was dominant despite fading down the stretch. After C.C. the Yanks are relying on rookie of the year candidate Ivan Nova who hasn't lost a start since June 3rd. There is no fucking way they start A.J. Burnett or Bartolo Colon because not only do they look like gremlins but they both sucked donkey dick this year. So I guess Freddy Garcia will be the 3rd starter and...holy shit...I just looked at Garcia's stats (12-8 3.62 ERA) and he wasn't bad. Shows you how much I paid attention. Yanks have a good bullpen and have an up and comer named Mariano Rivera closing games. You may have heard of him.

Detroit has Justin Verlander who despite his good stats is NOT A FUCKING MVP CANDIDATE! Verlander will go in games 1 and 4 while Doug Fister (best midseason acquisition this year) pitches games 2 and 5. Fister was lights out down the stretch and actually outpitched Verlander. Maybe we should give him the MVP? Enough of the rambling rants, the Tigers have the best closer in the game in Jose Valverde but it will be interesting to see how he pitches in the playoffs. PRESSURE!!!!

ADVANTAGE: Tigers by a slight margin

HITTING

The Yankees hit most homeruns in the majors with 222. Their lineup is sick with Curtis Granderson, Mark Teabag, Robinson Cano, and Alex Rodriguez (if the swelling in his labia goes down) all capable of hitting a shitload of homeruns in that little bandbox stadium they play in. You know Jeter will come through because he is the greatest player to ever wear the #2 jersey for the New York Yankees and both be black and white at the same time. Intangibles and leadership right there.

Detroit has a pretty formidable lineup also with Miggy Cabrera and Victor Martinez capable of driving in a ton of runs. My fantasy team relied on SS Peralta and C Alex Avila this season and they put up All-Star numbers but couldn't quite get me to the finals. Kind of disappointed guys. Next year clean that shit up and perform for me. Enough of my fantasy team, the Tigers have a good lineup but not as good as the Bronx Bombers.

ADVANTAGE: Yankees

COACHING

Dude it's baseball. Just don't fuck up the lineups and make sure you know when your pitchers are done or not. It isn't rocket science.

ADVANTAGE: Jim Leyland's Marlboro

PREDICTION: Tigers in 5



Tampa Bay Rays (91-71) vs. Texas Rangers (96-66)

Regular season: Texas won 5-4


PITCHING

The defending AL Champs have some of the best starting pitching in the majors this season. Lefty CJ Wilson won 16 games and had an ERA under 3. Lefty Derek Holland won 16 games and had a great second half. They have playoff experience (honestly doesn't mean shit) as does Colby Lewis and Matt Harrison. 3 lefties and a righty should present matchup problems for Cano and Granderson. The Rangers also have a strong bullpen with closer Neftali Feliz at the backend.

Tampa Bay is starting Matt Moore in game 1. No I'm serious. The kid who hasn't only started one game in the majors. Whom am I to argue though? Maddon knows his baseball shit. They also have Shields, Hellickson, and Price in the rotation. While their starters matchup pretty well with the Rangers their bullpen doesn't. Kyle Farnsworth is closing games. Enough said.

ADVANTAGE: Rangers

HITTING

The Rangers have the second best lineup in the playoffs behind the Yankees. Josh Hamilton, Nelson Cruz, Ian Kinsler, Adrian Beltre, Mike Napoli, and Michael Young are all crushing the ball. They got shut down last year in the World Series but I think they will be hot versus the Rays.

Tampa on the other hand doesn't have a formidable lineup. Sure they have Evan Longoria but his bat struggled for a large part of the season. Zobrist and Joyce were pleasant surprises and BJ Upton could get hot and steal some bases but I just don't like their lineup. Not even close to the Rangers.

ADVANTAGE: Rangers

COACHING

Hey fuckface did you not hear me the first time? Coaching in baseball is all about not fucking up. With that being said Joe Maddon is a fucking genius who somehow got the Rays into the playoffs with his glasses and his beautiful hair.

ADVANTAGE: Rays

PREDICTION: Rangers in 4

Friday Funbags

Until next week fellas...

Philanthropy with Vinnie Verno: Week 5 Picks

New Mexico +2
Georgia Tech -11.5
Arkansas State -13
Alabama -4
Stanford -20

Vinnie finally got on the winning side last week so I think I might ride along with some of these picks. I got Tech, Bama, and Stanford all covering. The only one I'm kind of worried about is Stanford. Yes I know Rick Neuheisel still coaches at UCLA and that in itself is a fucking joke but it's still hard to believe Stanford...fucking Stanford...keeps beating the shit out of their opponents and cover every single game. I mean they have to be due for at least one minor hiccup right? Granted I think they win easily I'm just kind of afraid of a 3 touchdown spread. With that being said I'm going to stay on the Trees bandwagon and ride it till they lose.

Georgia Tech Football Be "TRIPPY"

Apparently this is the rap song they play at Bobby Dodd Stadium during the games. It sounds really shitty but if "TRIPPY" gets you Ws and over 700 yards of offense who am I to argue? Hell they can be smoking crack and killing prostitutes but as long as they beat Georgia and win the ACC those hell of an engineers aren't going to judge. I'm pretty positive it's in the bible.

"The Gundy" Remix Version

I think I like this one best.

Adrian Gonzalez Blames God For The Red Sox Epic Failure

Well there you go. It wasn't the awful pitching from the Red Sox in the last month. It wasn't a complete collapse from the whole roster with the exception of Jacoby Ellsbury. It wasn't high priced free agents Carl Crawford or Adrian Gonzalez not doing shit the second half of the season to help the Red Sox clinch the Wild Card. Nope. It was God's plan all the time. He didn't want the Red Sox to make the playoffs. When you can't blame it on yourself or look yourself in the mirror why not blame God. Shit he had a plan. It makes perfect sense now. This should make Boston rest easy.

Via BarStoolSports

Greatest MLB Night Ever

If you are a baseball fan or sports fan in general last night was one of the greatest nights ever. You had 4 teams battling for the final Wild Card spot in their respective leagues with two of the teams (Atlanta Braves and Boston Red Sox) trying to avoid a historical collapse. Both the Braves and the Red Sox needed just one more out in the ninth with their closers on the mound to live another day and delay the epic collapse of each. Both miserably failed.

In Atlanta Tim Hudson pitched a stellar game and Dan Uggla hit a huge 2-run HR to give the Braves a lead in a game for the first time in about a week. The Braves entered September with a 8 1/2 game lead in the Wild Card but found themselves locked into a tie with the St. Louis Cardinals after going a miserable 7-20 in the last month. All seemed to be finally right at The Ted when leading 3-2 in the ninth when rookie Craig Kimbrel entered to close it out. Kimbrel who entered with a MLB rookie record for saves was clearly overthrowing from the first pitch. It had been 5 days since he last threw in a game and his adrenaline seemed to get the better of him. He walked 3 Phillies, gave up one hit, blew the save, and got taken out in the ninth for a guy in Kris Medlen who had pitched only once all season after coming off elbow surgery. The game would extend into extra innings but it didn't matter. You knew the Braves were going to lose. The Braves always choke when it comes to do or die games in late September/October. Trust me. I've been there. Seen that. Many of times. The Cardinals on the other hand behind the twice surgically repaired right elbow of Chris Carpenter did their job and shut out the Astros to complete an improbable Wild Card run.

It wasn't as much as the Cardinals getting hot but the Braves just completely shitting the bed in the last month. Trust me the Cardinals and their players deserve credit. They won when they had to in big situations. But the Braves finished off the season losing their last 5 games and their hitters all slumped down the stretch. New addition Bourn was terrible. Prado couldn't hit .200 in the last month or get the ball out of the infield. McCann was pressing and looked completely lost. Heyward was benched and quickly has become one of the biggest busts in baseball. Uggla was again swinging at anything within 3 feet of the plate. Yes the Braves lost starters Jair Jurrjens and Tommy Hanson to injuries and Derek Lowe was the worst fucking pitcher you've ever seen take the mound in his last 5 starts but it was the hitting that let them down. If the Braves scored 3 runs in a game it seemed like they had erupted for 20. And as much as it pains me to say it if the Braves had Tony LaRussa as their skipper they would still be playing with a solid shot at a World Series. New manager Fredi Gonzalez didn't want to play small ball or try to squeeze out a few runs with steals, hit and runs, bunts, and sacrifice flies. Nope he wanted to go all Earl Weaver and hope for the 3-run homer would save the day. It never happened and his gross mismanagement of the pitching staff throughout the season killed the bullpen and the Braves chances of bringing home a 2nd World Series title to Atlanta. The Braves have a 25 man roster built to win 100 games. Gonzalez led them to 89.

In Baltimore the Red Sox needed just one more out from closer/douchebag Jonathan Papelbon to insure they could play the Rays in a one game playoff who had comeback to tie the Yankees 7-7 after being down 7-0 in the eighth. A long rain delay in Baltimore kept the Red Sox in the clubhouse where they could watch the Rays make the improbable comeback against their hated rival the New York Yankees. You may have heard the Yankees and Red Sox don't like each other. Papelbon got the first two batters with easy K's against sluggers Adam Jones and Mark Reynolds. He then had Chris Davis at the plate with Nolan Reimold to follow. Both roped doubles off 98 MPH fastballs to tie the game. Then light hitting utility man Robert Andino stepped to the plate. The winning run at 2nd base in Reimold. The crowd at Camden Yards rocking for what seemed like the first time in over a decade. The Orioles are dead last in the AL East but the fans and players were treating this game like it was game 7 of the World Series. Andino ropes a 1-1 pitch to left fielder Carl Crawford who can't make the catch. The throw home is too late. The Orioles walk off with the win and the Red Sox look dead. Awesome.

Three minutes later in the Tropicana the Rays crowd goes nuts as they flash the Red Sox score on the scoreboard. The cowbells are clanging. Evan Longoria is at the plate. Tied game in the 12th. And like the superstar he is Longo who hit a huge 3 run blast in the 8th came through with the walk off homerun. Pandemonium in Tampa. The Rays had come back from 9 games in early September, down by 7 runs in the 8th and won the AL Wild Card.

This was the greatest regular season day of baseball in Major League history. Two epic collapses by two storied franchises that will be passed on from generation to generation. It was great theater. Personally I went from the low of lows when the Braves lost and knowing the season was over to the mountaintops when my other favorite team in the Orioles came back to beat the Red Sox and then flipped to the Rays game to see Longoria clinch the Wild Card with a laser beam down the left field line to beat the Yankees. This was one of those moments that not even Bud Selig could fuck up. Now I can't wait to watch the playoffs. Game on!

Kate Upton Says Happy Hump Day

Poor girl is cold. Somebody get her my mouth...I mean clothing.




These pictures were shown to the Notre Dame football team a couple of days ago. To say they were happy about seeing Kate Upton would be an understatement. Take a look...


More glorious pics at Egotastic

A Brand New Dance Out Of Stillwater, OK: "The Gundy!"

Oklahoma State head coach Mike Gundy shows you who the "MAN" is with his freak dance called "The Gundy!" Hell dude I would have pulled this shit out of my drunk archives if I came back from 17 points in the second half to knock off Texas A&M. I actually saw Justin Blackmon throwing crisp Franklins at Gundy. College football at it's finest.

Utah Kid Freaks Out When His Parents Tell Him They Bought Him A BYU Shirt

I can't wait till my kid gets a little older so I can play mind games like this on her. Guess what sweetie? We aren't going to the football game. Nope. We are going to church. Yeah, we are going to pray and be bored and give money to a priest who will blow it on hookers and blow. It will be great.

In all seriousness this Utes fan is going to go Menendez brothers on his parents when he gets older. You don't forget shit like this. It scars you. If I'm the mom I make sure I put the knives out of reach.

Via HotClicks

Today's College Football Picks

Notre Dame (-7.5) at Pitt
Notre Dame finds their offensive identity today and scores at will once they reach the red zone. Expect Michael Floyd and Cierre Wood to have multiple touchdown games.
Prediction: Notre Dame 42 Pitt 17

San Diego State (+10.5) at Michigan
I like the Aztecs in the Brady Hoke Bowl. SDST can run the ball against a weak Michigan defense. In what should be a thriller the Aztecs won't have an answer for Denard Robinson.
Prediction: Michigan 35 SDST 32

North Carolina at Georgia Tech (-7)
Tech leads the nation in rushing and scoring. North Carolina has a new coach and an overrated defense. Georgia Tech rolls in this one.
Prediction: GT 38 North Carolina 21

Georgia (-10) at Ole Miss
Ole Miss won't be able to stop Isaiah Crowell or Aaron Murray. The Rebels looked awful last week vs Vandy in a blowout loss. I don't think playing at home will matter. Georgia is the much better team here and will play better on the road.
Prediction: UGA 42 Ole Miss 20

Oklahoma State at Texas A&M (-4.5)
Both of these Big 12 teams are top 10 and both have high powered offenses. What I like about the Aggies is RB Cyrus Gray. He's the X factor in this game. Plus the Cowboys defense is average at best.
Prediction: A&M 45 Okie St 35

Arkansas (+11) at Alabama
Despite Arkansas starting a true freshman at left tackle I just feel like this game will be close even though on paper Bama should roll. I don't feel comfortable at all on this bet so be cautious.
Prediction: Bama 27 Arkansas 20

Rice at Baylor (-21.5)
Robert Griffin will run and pass all over the Rice Owls.
Prediction: Baylor 58 Rice 21

LSU (-5.5) at West Virginia
LSU is the best team in the country and their defense is fucking sick. The Mountaineers have a good team and were one of my sleeper picks for the BCS Title with Geno Smith at QB. But right now I've made a shitload of money with the Bayou Bengals and I see no reason to get off the train.
Prediction: LSU 24 West Virginia 14

This Week in Unnecessary Censorship has a Trojan Rubdown

I always knew that Barbara Walters was a freak.

Friday Funbags

ESPN Sideline Reporter Jenn Brown Caught Up With "Bitch" Jones

Oh Jenn Brown. Cat caught your tongue? All is forgiven. What isn't forgiven is myself completely bitching out on my prediction and bet on last night's game. I fucking knew Cincy would crush NC State and yet I didn't get my preview up or my bet in before the game started. Right now I'm looking at this weekend's slate of games and really liking Baylor -21.5, Notre Dame -7, Georgia Tech -6.5, LSU -5.5, San Diego State +10.5, and Oregon -14. It's time to make some money this weekend.

Video HT: Dave

Johnny Cash - God's Gonna Cut You Down

For some reason I can't get this song out of my head. I felt like I owed it to the SportsCrack heads out there to give it a listen on this beautiful Friday. Funbags coming later but in the mean time give Johnny Cash some respect and lend an ear to this classic "God's Gonna Cut You Down."

The Detroit Version of House Of Spears Shirt

He is a bad man. He will rip your head off. And if you are a quarterback you should be shittin' in your pants because more than likely he will hurt you. He has already made Detroit a playoff contender. Now show your support for the big man with the official House of Spears shirt. Blood and tears not included.

McDonald's Monopoly Commercial Making Fun Of Lebron James And His Ability To Not Win Championships

They should have had Dirk in there rejecting his scratch off or a velvet rope into the booth with Dirk and Lebron's mom making out inside it. That would have been perfect.

CONFERENCE REALIGNMENT IN A NUTSHELL

Just one huge clusterfuck of a situation and if you don't look both ways you are going to get killed. This is what needs to happen:

-PAC 12 needs to take their thumbs out of their asses brah and add Texas, Oklahoma, Oklahoma State and Texas Tech. Make it a 16 team superconference and be done with it.

-The SEC needs to add Missouri and West Virginia. Supposedly the SEC conference is mad at Missouri because they leaked to the Kansas City Star that they would be added to the most POWERFUL conference in the entire universe. Listen SEC Conference. Shut the fuck up and stop acting all high and mighty and let Missouri in. They are the Show Me State after all. Home of meth addicts and sewage rivers. They fit in perfectly. The SEC also doesn't think West Virginia is a prestigious enough academic school to be added to their Ivy League conference. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Half of the football players in the SEC can't fucking spell their names correctly or tell you who their father is. But yeah, West Virginia would totally demean the conference.

-Notre Dame needs to decide if they are going to go to the Big Ten or the ACC. They are in Big Ten territory but everybody associated with Notre Dame hates that fucking conference. So stop with the independence and go to the ACC. ND can dominate recruiting in Florida all the way up to Boston if they want. They can keep the NBC contract. They will get more money. And the team will be playing for something (a conference championship) after they once again blow a last second game to Michigan for the billionth year in a row.

-The Big East and Big 12 can combine with what remains of their shit. Syracuse and Pitt already got the fuck out of the Big East.

Let Kansas, K State, Baylor, Iowa State, South Florida, Cincy, Louisville, Rutgers, and Connecticut stay while adding TCU, Boise State, Navy, Army, East Carolina, and whoever else gets kicked out of another conference and form Conference Big North America. They can play their championship game on PBS. Perfect.

-Then you let whoever wins the conference championships of the SEC, PAC 16, ACC, and Conference Big North America play a Final Four. Keep all of the pointless bowl games and have all the teams who finished with 6 wins or more play in those games. You got your playoff scenario and you keep the bowls so all the dirty politicians, sponsors, and bowl representatives can get their money too.

-By the way I would just like to point out the Final Four of Football would have better ratings and make more money than the Super Bowl and March Madness. And you can still fuck over the slaves...I mean student-athletes.

-You are welcome. Problem solved. You are now free to look at internet porn. Again.

TOUCHDOWN TOMMY SHIRTS NOW AVAILABLE

This has been one of our most requested shirts since we started SportsCrack tees over 5 years ago. Without further ado here is the brand new Touchdown Tommy shirt. Available for only $17. Order today. Shipping starts this week.

The Braves Are Choking

The Atlanta Braves have seen a 10.5 game lead in the NL Wild Card race now slip to 2.5 after another meltdown in Florida last night. All they needed was another out and they appeared to have it when Emilio Bonifacio hit an easy big hop grounder right to future Hall of Famer Chipper Jones. The game was over if Chipper makes the play and the Braves maintain a 3.5 game lead over the St. Louis Cardinals. But somehow, someway Chipper lost the ball in the lights (how in the fuck do you lose a groundball?) and the ball went trickling past him. Chipper fucking Bucknered the game last night! Then former Brave Omar Infante stepped to the plate and launched a Craig Kimbrel fastball into the leftfield stands. Game over. The Braves season is now in serious jeopardy after the Cardinals beat Roy Halladay last night. The Cards have won 15 of their last 20 including 3 in the past 4 days vs Philly. The Bravos on the other hand have lost 12 of 18.

This would be one of the biggest choke jobs in Major League baseball history. Granted the Red Sox are attempting the same in the AL but I don't give a shit about the Red Sox other than I laid some money on them before the season to win the whole thing. The Braves seem to always pull this shit once September/October rolls around. They lose all their momentum and if they make the playoffs it's one and done. It's like they are the perennial All-Star break darlings only to have the makeup wear thin and reveal their ugly selves come October. It's just so fucking frustrating to watch.

Now they still have a lead in the Wild Card and they still control their destiny. It's time for some of their key players to step up. I'm looking at Brian McCann, Martin Prado, and Jason Heyward in particular. They have to start producing or the Braves are fucked. Will they? They better.