40 Years Ago Today: "There's a new home run champion of all time...and it's Henry Aaron"

I don't give a shit how many Barry Bonds hit.  Hank Aaron is still the all-time home run champion.

Good to see Derek Jeter Still Has His Fielding Range

Yeah Jeeeeets!

Oh shit.  He's old.  And slow.  And has the flexibility of a guy who just went through a colonoscopy.  Other than that Derek Jeter looks great.

Go Get Em Kid!

FSU and Notre Dame Joust In Rain Delay Baseball Game

I've always said you can really get to know your fellow teammates during a rain delay.  Last week Notre Dame and FSU had an extended one in Tallahassee and squared off in hijinks to one up one another.  Gotta love the old Catholics vs Criminoles battles.  The only thing it was missing was Jameis sacrificing a young lady in distress.

Riots at UCONN

I don't think I will ever understand the mentality behind rioting after your school or team wins a championship.  Breaking shit to celebrate seems counterproductive but hey that's just me.  Can we get confirmation that Storrs, Connecticut is still a city and not a raging fireball of chaos?

PS - Is the guy shooting this VINE the owner of the car?  Why else would you be like NO NO NO then YES YES YES?  Rioters gonna riot.  The voice sounds identical to a South Park character.

Shabazzketball Destroyed My Bracket, Can Now Eat

"The Hungry Huskies...this is what happens when you ban us!"

Truer words have never been spoken.  Final Four Most Outstanding Player Shabazz Napier is not only a two-time champion for the UCONN Huskies but is now a mouthpiece for the plighted and malnourished student-athlete that the NCAA preys upon.  Poor guy goes to "bed starving" while the rest of college students eat $50 filet mignons and their fancy sides that they find in between their microbrew soaked suede couches.  I feel bad for guys like Napier.  Not only does he get his tuition paid for but he also has to put up with all of his free room and board and books and free tutoring and free five course meals and women and free travel and clothes and future NBA millions while "starving."  It's a hard knock life for Napier and he shows he is true warrior in every fashion.



In conclusion fuck guys like Shabazz Napier.  Not because he is bitching about "starving" but because he completely ruined my bracket.  I had UCONN losing in the first round.  Napier put them on his back and said F that guy and his stupid office bracket.  I gotta eat!

Congrats to UCONN for winning the title.  It was much deserved.  I enjoyed all 45 minutes of the tournament I actually watched. Now we can focus on more important things like baseball and hockey before football finally comes back.

Gene Chizik Not Thrilled With Daughter's Prom Date Picture Goes Viral

My daughter is only 3 years old but already I can identify with former Auburn head coach Gene Chizik in this awesome prom date photo bomb.  The classic "look at this fucking guy" who's about to violate my little angel pose.  It's always a good time to clean the gun right before her date comes over in my opinion.  You answer the door all nonchalantly.  Gun in one hand.  Fist in the other.  Let's all make smart decisions here and get this every father's dreaded nightmare over with as cleanly as possible.

For Some Reason These Paulina Gretzky Photos Have Pissed Off The LPGA

Lighten up ladies.  It's not too often we guys have some eye candy to look at on the Women's Tour.

Oh wait she doesn't play on the LPGA?

Doesn't matter.  Now get back in the kitchen and make me some pancakes.

David Ross Recreates "Major League" on 25th Anniversary

Damn now I feel old.  Real old.  Major League was my go-to movie for 3 summers.  Back in the days of Blockbuster and Turtles you had to get these things called VHS tapes kids.  Major League was the best.  It was right up there with Revenge of the Nerds.  I can recite every line.  Back then we didn't even have internet, DVRs, or cell phones or any of that shit you take for granted these days so when you got a movie as gold as Major League you held on to it and watched it endlessly because what the fuck else were going to do?

Kudos to David Ross doing a spot on Lou Brown.  The Pedro Cerrano impression though was minor league at best and how do you not have an impression of Eddie Harris "Are you trying to say Jesus Christ can't hit a curveball?"  It's the best line of the movie...

Artie Lange Kidnaps Pete Rose

The Tony Perez shit story is laugh out funny.  Priceless.

The Masters Thoughts With Will Ferrell

The keychains out of the Eisenhower Tree is marketing genius.  Will Ferrell just gets it.  He understands the Masters unlike any of us.  Corndogs, fast food, and Ryan Seacrest would make the Masters a perfect golf tournament.  Hopefully Billy Payne is listening.

Florida State New Logo is Climax Worthy

This new FSU logo has been confirmed by TomahawkNation and it's not bad at all.  Seminoles fans are of course in full meltdown mode after seeing it but it looks like the Chief is enjoying some satisfaction. 

I dig it.  The Chief looks younger, faster, has teeth, and more climax-worthy.

Here is the old logo which looked like some blind grandpa looking for his dentures in between the couch cushions:

Duke Recruit Grayson Allen Dunks Over a Player, I Already Hate the Kid

Sorry but it's in my DNA to never ever like a Duke player.  Was this dunk impressive?  Yes.  Do white guys with hops like Brent Barry make my marbles tingle?  Of course.  But Grayson Allen will play his college hoops in Durham for Coach K and for that reason alone I already can't stand the kid.  My Maryland blood boils with the thought of Grayson learning the patented Duke flop.

PS - I was kinda hoping he did the Don Baylor stanky leg when he landed.  I never wish injury on any player besides Duke Basketball guy, Michigan and USC football guy, Yankees guy, and Saints guy.

Don Baylor Breaks His Femur Catching Ceremonial First Pitch from Vlad

Mike Trout's face says it all.  Holy shit!  I was watching this live last night and tweeted about it.  I've never seen an injury like this.  Angels' hitting coach Don Baylor broke his fucking femur catching a 1st pitch from another baseball great in Vlad Guerrero.  His leg literally snaps like a twig and forms a pretzel.  At first I thought Baylor was doing his Stanky Leg Dance or maybe he had dead leg like I get when I take a really long shit.  Nope.  Broken femur.  The biggest damn bone in the leg.  Get well Baylor.  We salute you here at SportsCRACK!

PS - Baylor is a boss.  You tell me another person who would just try to walk off a broken femur.  That is Superman shit strength.

2014 MLB Season Predictions

Ahhh Opening Day is finally here.  It's about fucking time.  No offense to basketball fan but since football ended in early February I've been counting down the days till America's past time.  Baseball makes the nuts tingle.  The crack of the bat.  The smell of tobacco spit.  The A-Rod suspension.  Nuts tingle just thinking of it.

Here are my division predictions.  If you got a problem with it you can reach me by email at matt@idontgiveafuck.com.

AL EAST

1.  Orioles - From top to bottom they have the best lineup in all of baseball once Manny Machado comes back in April.  The additions of Nelson Cruz and David Lough add power and speed.  They have the best defense and the pitching depth is finally there for them to contend for a World Series.

2.  Rays - Tampa might not have a huge payroll like the Yankees and Red Sox but they got a ton of pitching and it should help them win a Wild Card.  Joe Maddon will get this team to 92 wins.

3.  Red Sox - The defending World Series Champs are coming off an improbable magical season but have huge question marks at SS and CF.  Their starting rotation should once again be very good but I think their bullpen will falter a good bit.  One can't expect Koji Uehera to again put up a once in a century stat line.

4.  Yankees - The Yankees dished out a billion dollars or so it seems in the offseason to free agents Tanaka, Ellsbury, Beltran and McCann and on paper it looks like it should make a major improvement to the roster.  The problem is the youngest regular starter is McCann and he isn't a spring chicken.  Jeter is in his final season.  Mo is gone.  CC has cancer.  In another division I could see taking the Yankees to make the playoffs but the AL East is too tough.

5.  Blue Jays - Their rotation is borderline horrid.  Unless some young guys step up I don't see them winning 80 plus games.  Stick with the hockey.

AL CENTRAL

1.  Royals - Don't laugh.  The Royals are the real deal.  They got a bunch of young players hitting their prime years and they play great defense.  With the Tigers faltering a little bit I like Kansas City to make the playoffs for the first time since the 1980's.

2.  Indians - The Tribe are coming off one of their best seasons in nearly a decade and appear to be getting better.  If they had a couple of more arms I would take them over the Royals.  Would not surprise me at all to see the Indians win the division.

3.  Tigers - I know I'm going to get some shit with this prediction but the Tigers could be in serious trouble.  No Fister or Fielder plus they have had some devastating injuries in Spring Training.  Verlander is questionable and their bullpen looks like a train wreck waiting to happen just on paper.

4.  White Sox - Avisail Garcia and Jose Abreu have future super star potential written all over their bodies but the rest of the Sox roster looks questionable at best.  In a couple of years the SouthSide team could be a serious contender.  Not this year though.  They will be shitty.

5.  Twins - How's that Joe Mauer contract treating you?  The Twinkies are a mess.  Good luck not losing 90.

AL WEST

1.  Angels - They got the best player in the game in Mike Trout and I expect big bounce back seasons from Pujols and Hamilton.  The key is their rotation and I think it will be one of the best in the West.

2.  A's - Oakland is a lot like the Rays.  They have great clubhouse chemistry and seem to try harder than other teams by hustling and playing great defense.  I see them stealing a Wild Card from the Indians and Red Sox in the last weekend of the season.

3.  Rangers - Texas reminds me a lot of Detroit.  Too many injuries and question marks at certain positions make them vulnerable.  With that being said it wouldn't surprise me at all to see them win the division if their rotation gets healthy.

4.  Astros - There really is no good reason why I have them not picked for last in this division other than I think they play the underdog role to their advantage all season.

5.  Mariners - One month into the season they will be regretting the Robinson Cano signing.

NL EAST

1.  Nationals - I'm taking the Nats over the Braves because of their rotation.  Plus their bullpen should be strong.  Bryce Harper will put up MVP numbers.

2.  Braves - Ton of question marks with the rotation losing Medlen, Beachy, and Huddy.  Minor is injured and Ervin Santana should be ready soon but I see them struggling out of the gate.  Braves have the best bullpen in the majors and their lineup is the best in the division which will help secure a Wild Card spot

3.  Marlins - No offense other than Stanton but their pitching has the potential to be the best in the division.

4.  Mets - No Miracle in these guys as they are headed for a sixth straight losing season.  The good news is they don't finish in the cellar...

5.  Phillies -  I see the potential for a 100 loss season.  They are old.  New manager.  They are already bickering.  Let's see how many sellouts they have with shitty baseball in Philly.

NL CENTRAL

1.  Cardinals - From top to bottom in their roster they have the 2nd best team in the NL behind the Dodgers.  I think they win the Central easily by 8 plus games.

2.  Reds - Losing Choo hurts but I think Billy Hamilton will be one of the better stories to follow all season as he goes for over 100 stolen bases for the first time in decades.

3.  Pirates - McClutch is coming off a MVP season and the Pirates broke their consecutive losing season streak by making the playoffs.  Unfortunately I'm not ecstatic about their starting rotation.  Too young.

4.  Brewers - I expect Ryan Braun to be booed excessively on the road.  Other than that I have no expectations for the Brew Crew.

5.  Cubs - Sorry Lovable Losers you still have a couple of more seasons before I can even consider you guys close to being good.

NL WEST

1.  Dodgers - The team with the highest payroll is also the best team in baseball.  Anything less than a World Series Title is a disappointment.  The pressure could crush them.

2.  Giants - They will win the Wild Card because they got a tremendous amount of pitching.  Other than Posey and Sandoval their lineup looks questionable.

3.  DBacks -  Any team with Martin Prado on the roster is a team I can pull for.

4.  Padres - They got a lot of young potential stars in their lineup.  Chase Headley is in his contract year which means he will put up huge numbers because money is very important.  Makes sense right?

5.  Rockies - Don't worry Colorado fans.  Your baseball team may suck but at least your microbrews are plentiful and the Broncos seasons will be kicking off in only 5 months.

AL AWARDS
AL MVP - Mike Trout
AL CY YOUNG - Yu Darvish
AL ROOKIE OF THE YEAR - Masahiro Tanaka
COMEBACK PLAYER - Josh Hamilton
MANAGER OF THE YEAR - Buck Showalter

NL AWARDS

NL MVP - Freddie Freeman

NL CY YOUNG - Jose Hernandez

NL ROOKIE OF THE YEAR - Billy Hamilton

COMEBACK PLAYER - Ryan Braun

MANAGER OF THE YEAR - Don Mattingly

WORLD SERIES PREDICTION

In a rematch of the 1966 Classic the Baltimore Orioles beat the Los Angeles Dodgers  in 6 games to win their first title since 1983.

Kentucky Fan in Recliner Reacts to Game Winning Aaron Harrison Shot

Is it just me or does it feel like every Kentucky basketball fan is somehow related to one another?  I'm not saying they are inbred but yeah they are.  Kentucky basketball fan is almost as funny as their #8 seed in the tournament.

Hockey Fight Between Kevan Miller and Travis Moen With Jerry Lawler Doing the Blow-By-Blow

I know it will piss off all the basketball nut jobs who come on here but it needs to be said: hockey is a million times more entertaining than hoops.  WWE's Jerry Lawler doing the ringside treatment is fucking hilarious.  I watched this Bruins vs Canadiens game from start-to-finish which ended the Bruins' 12-game winning streak in a sudden death shootout.  It was electric in Boston.  God I miss hockey.

Glass-Pounding Hockey Fan Takes a Canadian Facial

The hockey Gods were kind in Montreal.  Women you see need to know their place and those are clearly the kitchen and the bedroom, not front row in a NHL game in Montreal.  This female Canuck took a hard heater right off the boards that would make Pamela Anderson flashback to her Tommy Lee boat cruising days.  Honk!

Johnny Manziel Can Do 360-Degree Dunks

Johnny Football is less than 6 feet tall.  Come to think of it he's actually about the same height as I am.  But that is where the similarities end.  Manziel has hops.  I can barely touch the fucking net on a good day.  Manziel can do 360-degree dunks with his size 15 clown shoes.  I can drink beer 360 days of the year in my size 10.5 shoes.  Johnny is about to be a multi millionaire in the NFL.  I'm about to take a shit in my pants because I ate too much pizza last night.  Two peas in a pod.

Beware of The Thong Hunter Patrick Willis

Watch out ladies in thongs.  San Francisco All-Pro linebacker Patrick Willis is going Down Under in Australia's Bondi Beach according to TMZ searching for some thongs to destroy.  By the picture you can tell Willis approaches the ladies with the same grit and determination he does with a running back coming over the middle.  Seek and destroy for the Thong Hunter.

Aroldis Chapman Takes a Terrifying Line Drive off His Face, Breaks Multiple Bones

Ouch.  The Cuban Missile took a brutal line drive straight to his kisser last night from the bat of Royals catcher Salvador Perez in the 6th inning.  The terrifying baseball liner caused multiple fractured bones around Aroldis Chapman's left eye and nose.  Fingers are crossed for Chapman to make a speedy recovery.  I got to be honest I don't think I could recover mentally from the trauma of taking one to the face like this.  The spring training game was immediately cancelled and now the Reds are forced to look at their closer situation while scrambling to find a solution less than two weeks till Opening Day.