SPORTSCRACK

IF ONLY...
...I actually took golf lessons.

...I was half black and half Asian, otherwise called a Blasian.

...I had some incredible talent besides the ability to jerk off in less than ten seconds. (true)

...I went to Stanford and worked at my craft instead of tapping kegs and legs at the local State college.

...I had a father who groomed me to be the best in the world in something dominated by unathletic rich pricks who are more fake than a Phil Mickelson smile.

...I could be a nerd who is adored by women despite never having sex with one till meeting a gorgeous European nanny wife.

...I could get paid to drive around in a car that only mental patients and old senile people whom eat oatmeal three times a day drive.

...I could plan my finances around actual income and not expenses on booze, gambling, and strip clubs.

...I made a billion fucking dollars to play a game of getting a little white ball into a stupid hole other than my hot wife then I could have been...




Damn you Tiger!