SPORTSCRACK

THE WEEKLY LOU HOLTZ PEP TALK

I can hardly understand a quarter of the words he spits out these days but I think Holtz is one hell of a motivator. If only I had a coach of his high energy then maybe I would have done something other with my life than stare at people in malls while thinking about what I was going to do next after finishing this delicious Orange Julius.

Imagine if The Lisp was a sex counselor. "Men you need to get yourself hard in order to penetrate and satisfy that lovely thing you call your wife. Now go out there and get it done."

Or maybe Holtz could have been a general in the Army. Now that I think of it I do believe Holtzie was a general. You want proof, well then you go over there and...

P.S-The clip is from Kids in the Hall: Brain Candy, one of the all-time great comedies that nobody saw because Americans hate Canadians not named Pamela Anderson, Jim Carrey, or Celine Dion. Allthough I do think a lot of Americans hate Celine Dion but maybe not as much as I do.