Randy "Macho Man" Savage as a baseball player

Many people didn't realize WWF legend Randy "Macho Man" Savage was a minor leaguer before getting into the ring. Like myself growing up Randy dreamed of one day playing Major League Baseball. SI.com's Jeff Pearlman has a great article on the Macho Man and his baseball playing career. He never quite made it to the Show but it's funny to see him in the above picture as a member of the St. Louis Cardinals organization as a catcher. Later on he would be a little more clean cut with the Reds organization. I think he made the right career choice in wrestling after baseball fizzled out. OH YEAH!



Via BigLeadSports

Dan Adler pulls a Rudy reference

Dan Adler is a sneaky son of a bitch. He knows how the movie score of Rudy pulls the heart strings alone but no, he has to go out and get Sean Astin himself to play the Rock role. Game. Set. Match. Adler has already won a seat in Congress. Book that shit. Californians voted The Sperminator in office for God's sake.

Plus Dan Adler gets shit done!

Bikini Contest Fail

Graceful like a swan covered in oil.

Pinata Fail

See what happens when you make racial jokes in grammar school? Oh yeah I'm sure it was just an "accident." He just happened to let the stick slip out of his hand. I'm sure this kid will stop calling him "Toby" from now on.

What the fuck is that? Oh...just another Man-Child

Seriously what the fuck is that? It's like a giant baby freak. I'm almost positive Dick Vitale is a Tampa Bay Rays fan so there is no way it's him. Some people are scared of the dark and some are scared of death but holy shit I've got a brand new fear: Man Child.

Oh and if that's a mask it's the best one ever. It's too life-like. It's a good thing I'm writing this blog on the can because this guy literally just scared the shit out of me.

Kyle Singler Trick Shot Video

Now I am just getting sick of these trick shot videos. Maybe it's just because it's a Duke player and it's the one guy who looks like he could be a James Bond villian. I will give Kyle Singler some credit though. The jumping off the Olympic diving board and sinking one was pretty cool but the one off the top of the church is pretty incredible. I'm sure it took a shitload of misses before sinking one. Probably not nearly as many flops as he took in college. Anyways, fuck Duke!

Joakim Noah loses it, screams F*ck you F*ggot to Miami Heat fan

Talk about losing a series in three words. The Bulls are crumpling faster than origami and Joakim Noah is leading the charge. Well actually Derrick Rose has been anything but a MVP in this series so far. But it still doesn't excuse Noah from shouting out "Fuck you Faggot!" to a Miami Heat fan. Kobe Bryant had to pay a hefty fine for shouting it at an official. One can only imagine the fine will be much steeper for Noah considering he is yelling at a fan and it's in the Eastern Conference Finals.

Tom Brady loves his water slides

Come on Tom Brady. You are 3-time Super Bowl Champion QB and married to a fucking supermodel. Will you please act like one? I don't even need audio here to imagine what you sound like going down this water slide in Mexico. You remember Chris Tucker's character in The Fifth Element? If not then here is a refreshment for your bong and hops filled head.



Via ONTD

Three Way The Golden Rule by Justin Timberlake and Andy Samberg

God I love these Color Me Badd-like sketches from SNL's Andy Samberg and Justin Timberlake. "Dick in the Box" was a classic. It still makes me laugh out loud. Now they got a "Three Way" going with Lady Gaga. Fucking brilliant. I still won't watch SNL since it's oh about 15 years past it's prime but if they keep producing these Digital Shorts with Timberlake I might have to change my mind.

Your Mom says hi! Jinx!

Cam Newton is a Justin Bieber fan

This is the moment where I changed my mind about Cam Newton. I've gone on record saying big Cam will be a collassal bust in the NFL. It's not necessarily his fault. The team that drafted him is in shambles and he doesn't have much for weapons. Take a look at what happened to Jimmy Clausen last season and Cam doesn't have Jimmy's accuracy. But now after seeing Cam sing Bieber's Baby Baby song I'm all in. Anybody that has the cojones to sing that shit out loud isn't afraid of anything.

Via It's Always Sunny in Detroit

R.I.P. RANDY MACHO MAN SAVAGE

The World lost a brilliant entertainer today with the news that WWF legend Randy "Macho Man" Savage died in a car accident. Macho Man was right up there with Hulk Hogan, Sergeant Slaughter, Sting, Andre The Giant, Ultimate Warrior, and Rowdy Roddy Piper as my favorite wrestler back in the 80's. He became a brand with the Snap into a Slim Jim commercials and his "OOOOOOHHHHHH YYYEEEEAAAAHHHH!!!!"

I will have to pour one out tonight for the Macho Man. And yes I will be betting and rooting for Mucho Macho Man at tomorrow's Preakness Stakes. It got to be that horses destiny to win before the Rapture.

THE MCCLUTCH SHIRT

This new shirt may look a little familiar. In honor of the past time's current best clutch hitter we decided to make a shirt and call it "McClutch." This is the kind of shirt that will no doubt get you laid at The Ted. I'm serious. Not even the best roofies will be any match for the McClutch shirt. Girls will literally drop their panties in the the presence of McClutch. If you don't believe me then you have to see it for yourself and order one. For the low price of $17 you can be McClutch.

The McClutch Shirt order here!

Andre Ethier with the ole double bird salute

You gotta just love baseball players. You would think they would learn something from the recent Roger McDowell gay slur and bat gesture in San Francisco but apparently Los Angeles Dodger outfielder Andre Ethier didn't get the memo. Here you can see him giving the old #1 salute to a group of photographers at Chavez Ravine. Apparently MLB will investigate the matter. When asked for comment Bud Selig mumbled "Who's Andre Ethier?"

Dick Joke

A dick has a sad life: His hair is a mess, his neighbor's an asshole, his family is nuts, his bestfriend's a pussy, and his owner beats him.

Vancouver hockey fan flashes Ben Eager

Now that is what you call some good ole' Canadian fun...bags. San Jose Shark's left winger Ben Eager was just minding his own business in the penalty box at Rogers Arena when some young blonde in her Henrik Sedin Canucks jersey decided to flash him. Not only did she win for showing off her Canadian sweater puppets but the Sedin twins combined for two goals in an easy 7-3 victory to give themselves a 2-0 series lead. Winning.

Video via BigLeadSports

7th Grade QB Trick Shot Video

Paging Brian Kelly. Paging Brian Kelly. 5 years from now after you have won your third National Championship at Notre Dame you might want to pay this kid; Gunnar Legas of Provo, Utah; a visit. This kid is already making throws I can only dream of when I'm passed out drunk. It's all about dreams kids till you get older and wake up with piss all over yourself. Again. But seriously Kelly you need to give Gunnar a call before he ends up with those degenerate Mormons.

Evan Longoria has good hands

Yeah I know it's fake but it's still cool. It's like those old Gatorade commercials with Michael Vick throwing the football out of the stadium. The only difference between the two commercials is Longoria kills road beef while Vick kills puppies.

BRIAN MCCLUTCH!!!!

Just your typical pinch hit, game tying solo shot with two outs in the 9th to send it to extras. But Brian McCann wasn't done. If you know anything about McCann's game it's the clutch factor in him. He's done it his whole career. The 5-time All-Star then comes up in the 11th inning and hits a walk-off 2 run blast that could be felt all the way to Stone Mountain.

Brian McFuckingClutch!

Braves win!

2011 Heisman Trophy Odds are Interesting

We are still over a 100 days left till the college football season kicks off but what better way to do argue about the mundaneness of the offseason then to look at the current odds for the Heisman Trophy.

To win the Heisman Trophy doesn't require you to be the most outstanding player in the nation anymore. In fact it hasn't been that way for over 20 years now. It requires you to be a quarterback and in some cases a running back for one of the top 3 teams in the nation at the end of the season. 9 of the last 11 winners have been QBs with the exceptions of Reggie Bush (vacated in 2005) and Mark Ingram (2009) who both played in BCS National Championship games. So with Vegas odds out now at such sites as SportsInteraction.com be sure to calculate the chances of your favorite player actually getting to a National Championship game into consideration before throwing down your second mortgage on a college kid.

Here are the favorites:

Andrew Luck +300 - Luck deserves to be the odds on favorite since he is the best quarterback in the nation and is probably the best player in the country regardless of position. In order for Luck to win it he will need to get Stanford back to a BCS Bowl game and if recent history indicates anything he will need to have them playing for the championship. With their two toughest games at home vs Oregon and Notre Dame there is a decent chance Stanford goes undefeated during the regular season in the new Pac-12. If Luck can stay healthy and the Stanford defense steps up and goes undefeated then it's his to lose.

Denard Robinson +500 - Shoelace is probably the best athlete in the country and last season he became the first ever player in NCAA history to run and pass for over 1500 yards in a season. With that being said he really has no chance of winning the award. Michigan will most certainly not be contending for any kind of championship this season under new head coach Brady Hoke. Shoelace also has to learn a brand new offense which is more West Coast then option run first under coach Rich Rod.

Marcus Lattimore +500 - Since Tim Tebow and Sam Bradford won the Heisman as sophomores it is no longer a taboo to think an underclassman could win the award. Still I don't think arguably the nation's best running back has much of a chance of winning the Heisman playing on South Carolina. The Cocks would have to reach the BCS Championship game and I don't see them as being better than LSU, Alabama, or Arkansas this season in the SEC. Lattimore would need at least 1600 to 2000 yards rushing with 15 TDs minimum and the Cocks in the BCS Title game to win it. Not happening.

LaMichael James +600 - James should probably have the second best odds behind Luck considering he returns as a Heisman finalist and a team that played for the BCS Title last year. Again the Heisman is more political and hype then actual merit and I'm not even sure James is the best running back in his conference (I tend to side with Washington's Chris Polk). But if Oregon is back in a BCS Title game and James puts up the similar rushing stats then he will be a finalist. James is probably the second safest bet and I don't even consider him a top 10 player in the nation.

Landry Jones +600 - The Sooners have two Heisman Trophy winning QBs in recent history with Sam Bradford and Jason White and this year Landry aka Mustache Mafia has a legit chance with a stacked Oklahoma team. With the Sooners legitimate BCS Title contenders in 2011 Landry has a good shot of at least being a finalist for the Heisman if he puts up similar numbers or better as his sophomore season. If the Sooners go undefeated and Landry puts up Sam Bradford-type numbers then he will win it.

Justin Blackmon +1000 - Blackmon finished 5th last season in the Heisman despite putting up insane catches, yards, and TDs for a wide receiver. A wideout hasn't won the Heisman since Desmond Howard did 20 years ago at Michigan. The chances of Blackmon winning it are slim to basically none unless the Cowboys can get to the BCS Title game.

Ryan Broyles +1200 - The only way Broyles can win is if his teammate Landry Jones get injured midseason and the Sooners still make it to the BCS Title game. Broyles put up astonishing numbers last season in Norman but he isn't the big play receiver that Blackmon and Notre Dame's Michael Floyd are. Broyles is a great college player but he really has no chance of winning the Heisman.

Trent Richardson +1200 - A lot of the pundits believed the best RB in the Alabama backfield the past couple of seasons wasn't Heisman Trophy winner Mark Ingram. Richardson will get his chance to be the feature back this season in Tuscaloosa. I can see ESPN really pushing him for the HypesMan if he has a huge season and if Bama wins the SEC. It would be their feel good story with the recent tornado destruction of Tuscaloosa.

Knile Davis +1500 - Davis is one of the more underrated backs in the nation and this is a pleasant surprise to see him this high. Last season for Arkansas he ran for over 1300 yards and 13 TDs. With an early season schedule with the likes of Missouri State, New Mexico and Troy he should pad his stats before a huge game in Tuscaloosa on September 24th. It would take tremendous games versus Bama, Auburn, South Carolina, and LSU plus a SEC Championship appearance for Davis to get serious consideration. It's possible but not likely.

Robert Griffin III +1500 - Great player but does anybody realistically expect Baylor to contend for a National Title? Not happening and it's too bad because Griffin might be the best talent in the nation. The only way he becomes a finalist for the Heisman is if he can lead Baylor to wins over TCU, Okie State, Oklahoma, and Texas.

Chris Polk +1800 - Polk ran for 461 yards combined in season ending wins over Washington State and Nebraska and will probably rush for over 1500 yards this season. Watching Polk runs you will notice very rarely does he go down on first contact. In order for him to be standing on the podium in New York City in December he will have to care the Huskies on his back and lead them to a Pac-12 championship over either Stanford or Oregon.

Brandon Weeden +2000 - The 27 year old senior would have to pull a Chris Weinke and lead the Cowboys to a BCS Title game to get serious consideration over his teammate in Justin Blackmon. He has a shot but just out of principle alone and the Weinke rule he isn't eligible at his age.

Case Keenum +2000 - Keenum has already played four years of college football but got granted a 5th year due to medical hardship. He's thrown for over 13000 yards and 107 TDs in his career. He's basically the Colt Brennan of 2011. He will get a shot to break Hawaii's Timmy Chang all-time passing yardage leader if he can throw for over 3500 yards this season. He has a legit shot at the record. The Heisman? Not so much.

Michael Floyd +2500 - It's hard to determine if Floyd has a legit shot at the Heisman considering we still don't know if he will be missing any games from a DUI arrest. Floyd is a beast when healthy and will get a chance to set numerous Notre Dame records with catches, yardage, and TDs during his senior season. The problem with Floyd and the other receivers up for the Heisman is you usually have to be a special teams standout too as a kick returner. The only chance Floyd has of winning the award is if Notre Dame is playing in the BCS Title game and even at that point I would think whomever is QBing or Cierre Wood might get more serious consideration.

Darron Thomas +3000 - I'm probably going to ruffle some Duck feathers with this but I'm not even sure Thomas is a top 3 QB in the Pac-12. I think Andrew Luck is obviously better and I could make a legit argument that USC's Matt Barkley and Arizona's Nick Foles are better passers. But then again the Heisman doesn't always go to the best passer or the best QB for that matter. It goes to the QB who can get his team to a National Championship and Thomas has a much better chance than Barkley or Foles.

Matt Barkley +3000 - Don't laugh but if Andrew Luck would have come out this past season we could be talking about Barkley as the #1 pick for the 2012 NFL Draft. Barkley has no chance of winning the Heisman since USC is on probation and can't even go to a bowl game but it would not surprise me in the least to see him outshine Luck at home on October 29th. It's probably a good thing he doesn't win the Heisman because Lane Kiffin is bound to get all of USC victories vacated within a couple of years.

Nick Foles +3000 - Foles is a good quarterback who needs to get better during crunch time. It wouldn't surprise me to see him really break out this season and lead Arizona to some upsets.

Kirk Cousins +3300 - The rising senior in East Lansing would have to lead Sparty to a Big Ten Championship to be a serious contender and that's not totally out of the realm of possibility with the Buckeyes and Badgers both taking a step back this year. In terms of extreme long shots he might be the safest bet.

Aaron Murray +4000 - For a first year starter Murray had an outstanding season for the Red and Black. He will be missing key targets this year in AJ Green and Kris Durham and the schedule doesn't play the Dawgs any favorites with Boise State and South Carolina opening up. I do believe Murray is the best QB in the nation's toughest conference but I can't see him leading the Bulldogs to a SEC Championship this season.

Danny O'Brien +6000 - What does Vegas know that we don't? I mean they can't seriously have O'Brien as a Heisman contender and not have Boise State's Kellen Moore. Is this some kind of sick joke? Don't get me wrong O'Brien is good but how in the hell do you leave off Moore? O'Brien has no shot at winning the Heisman this season. Zip.

Greg Reid +6000 - Defensive backs even as explosive as Greg Reid have no shot at the Heisman. If Florida State is going to be a top 5 team this season then QB EJ Manuel will be the Heisman favorite.

Obviously I'm surprised Kellen Moore and South Carolina's Alshon Jeffery were left off the list. Both guys are elite talents on teams that could compete for a National Championship which is essential to being a Heisman finalist. If defensive guys were ever seriously considered you could make arguments for Alabama's Dre' Kirkpatrick, UNC's Quinton Coples, Notre Dame's Manti Te'o and a host of other defensive talents. Unfortunately they are not or Ndamukong Suh would have won it in a landslide two seasons ago.

If I were to guess right now what the voting could look like at the end of the 2011 regular season it would be this:
1. Andrew Luck, Stanford
2. Landry Jones, Oklahoma
3. Justin Blackmon, Okie State
4. Kellen Moore, Boise State
5. Marcus Lattimore, USC

Brodie Smith is the Frisbee Trick Shot King

Seeing Brodie Smith make amazing frisbee trick shots at the University of Florida is like looking at myself in the mirror...after about drinking 12 beers. Beer goggles makes everything more tolerable. Including my face.

Video HT via Dave

Taj Gibson with the facial on Dwayne Wade

Before the Bulls-Heat series begun I made a little bet that the Heat would win the series in 6 games. After watching the Chicago Bulls just dismantle the Heat last night I'm not so sure this series even makes it to 6 games. The Bulls looked incredible in the second half. The fire and the emotion in Chicago was something I hadn't personally seen since Jordan was wagging the tongue. As a Hawks fan I find it almost impossible to root for either one of these teams but after seeing Gibson soar over Wade I can't help myself. I'm rooting for the Bulls. Fuck.

Eric Berry and CJ Spiller trying to be funny

I don't even know what to really say about this. Are Eric Berry and CJ Spiller trying to be funny? This has the feel of a Dane Cook "comedy special." It's neither comedic or special unless you enjoy eating paint chips. Seriously the NFL Lockout needs to end. With OchoCinco being thrown off a bull and Tommy Z knocking out tomato cans in boxing and now these horrible Adidas Ads it's time to get the football players back to what they do best: going bankrupt within 3 years.

Houston We Have a Problem: The Great Fan Escape

Last Friday in Houston's Enron Field (see what I did there?) in the bottom of the ninth in a tight game with Carlos Lee (best MLB contract ever) at the plate some fan did the unthinkable. Not only was it caught on tape but the fan actually managed to elude security while jumping over the centerfield wall and then climbing like SuperMan to his escape.

Give that fan a contract!

Tiger Woods Quits after 9 Holes and I mean Golf this time

Poor Tiger. The guy just can't catch a break. Today Tiger had to quit the Player's Championship after finishing the front 9 with a 42. Apparently his knee is really bothering him. That stupid Swedish Cow must have gotten to him last night.

Buckeye Motors

With everything swirling around the Ohio State football program how is Jim Tressel able to weather the storm at this point and coach in 2011? I know this will be his last season in Columbus since the fallout from the lies to the NCAA will be too big to overcome but I just don't see how he has not resigned already. It must be about the money. If he resigns now he doesn't get paid. If he is fired or "let go" then he gets his full contract paid out in severance.

Facial Flex

Kate Upton Braless Video

I think I just blacked out for about 5 minutes. Where am I? What the fuck am I doing? And why are my shorts and boxers down to my god damn ankles?

Oh. Another Kate Upton video. Case solved.

#1 Prep OLB Noor Davis set to announce Friday

Rivals.com #1 outside linebacker Noor Davis has decided to move up his announcement date to this Friday according to Chris Nee of Rivals.com.

Four-star linebacker Noor Davis has moved up his decision date and plans to announce a verbal commitment Friday, per Rivals.com Florida analyst Chris Nee.

Key players here include Notre Dame and Florida, both of which had made a cut into the top five, but Davis is considering offers from across the country and has made many visits.

Previously Davis had been targeting a decision at the Under Armour game in January.

Davis carries a 4.3 GPA and the 6 foot 4, 225 linebacker has indicated he would go to a great business school if he had a choice. The Mendoza school of Business at Notre Dame is ranked #1 in the nation and the Fighting Irish could sell playing time with the likes of Aaron Lynch, Stephon Tuitt, Ishaq Williams, Ben Councell, Ronald Darby, and Tee Shepard on a stellar defense for at least 3 of his 4 years on campus.

On the other hand the University of Florida can sell itself as one of the best public institutions in terms of business schools in the nation and the fact that they produce NFL talent. Also the defending champions Auburn Tigers just got a visit from Davis and with his sudden declaration to move up his announcement to this Friday after it was previously thought to be in January shows good promise for War Eagle.

Make no mistake Davis is the type of athlete and student any school would love to have. At this point he can pretty much go anywhere he chooses. My gut feeling is he picks Notre Dame.

Georgia gains by losing leading rusher Washaun Ealey

Yesterday the University of Georgia announced it had granted the unconditional release of leading rusher Washaun Ealey. This means Ealey is free to transfer where ever he may like including any SEC program. Last season Ealey led the Bulldogs with 811 yards rushing and 11 TDs as a redshirt sophomore. This coming up season there was a pretty good chance he was going to be second fiddle to incoming freshman Isaiah Crowell, the #1 running back prospect in the nation enrolling this summer.

This is great news for UGA. Ealey was a constant headache for the Georgia program and most importantly Coach Mark Richt. If you aren't familiar with the incidents Ealey has been through since his arrival in Athens let the AJC refresh your memory...

Ealey was suspended indefinitely from the team in February for missing an early-morning disciplinary run. He was reinstated in time for spring practice in March but was sidelined with a hamstring injury after only four practices and did not practice again. He was also suspended from last season’s opener because of an arrest for hit-and-run of a parked vehicle and driving with a suspended license. Richt was particularly upset about that incident because Ealey had assured coaches he wouldn’t drive while his license was suspended.

Ealey during his time in Athens displayed for the most part a "me" attitude. What could Georgia give to him was more important than what could he give back to the Georgia football team and his teammates. With a coach on the hot seat like Richt is this season you can't deal with clubhouse cancers who could ruin the whole attitude of the team. It was time to trim the fat and get rid of Ealey.

Ealey will bounce back and learn a valuable lesson. The kid has skills and is a good running back when he wants to put the time in and prove himself. The hot rumor is he winds up transferring to Georgia Southern.

For Georgia this is the dawn of a new running back era. Crowell is looking to make an instant impact this fall much like Marcus Lattimore did in Columbia last season for the SEC East Champ Gamecocks. Georgia is also seen as a front runner for highly touted tailback Keith Marshall out of North Carolina. Marshall has visited Athens several times and is considered an elite tailback.

In the end the best thing that could have happened for both Ealey and Georgia was to go separate ways. It also might have saved Richt's future in Athens.

THIRTY FUCKING FIVE

35. It's a number. A very shitty number for the Baltimore Orioles right now.

It's the combined number of RBIs on the season from their #2-4 hitters in the lineup. Yep. Nick Markakis, Derrek Lee, and Vlad Guerrero have a combined 35 RBI's in the first 33 games of the season. Pathetic. Horrid. Fucking old guy Lance Berkman has almost as many by himself.

I shouldn't just pick on Markakis, Lee and Vlad since pretty much the whole Orioles lineup has sucked balls this season but these guys get paid the big bucks to drive in runs. They are suppose to be the leaders of a resurgent Orioles squad. And so far they haven't done dick. Until these three start to hit their weight the O's are doomed for last place in the AL East. Again.

Time to wake up ya fucking dicks.

NBA PLAYOFFS STONE COLD LOCKS TONIGHT

How many of you assholes out there had the Lakers getting swept? I know I didn't. How many of you dickheads had the Atlanta Hawks tied with the Chicago Bulls 2-2 in round 2? Not I. So the law of averages says I should at least be able to nail 50% of my picks or I'm a complete fucking moron.

Tonight we get the old ass Boston Celtics with a hurt Rajon Rando playing a much better squad in the Miami Heat. Listen I don't even fucking like the Heat. I've lost so much money on them this season because Lebron and Wade decided to take games off and of course Chris Bosh was too busy popping craters on his face to realize I had some serious juice on those fuckers. But now it's the playoffs and they let the Celtics gain some confidence by letting Boston win Game 3. Yeah I said it. They let them win. There is absolutely no way they don't win tonight in Boston and spit all over those banners in the Garden. Lebron is going to fuck shit up and have one of those 30 plus points, 10 plus boards, and 8 plus assists game tonight. On the other hand the Celtics will look slow and old and Ray Allen will be clanking shit left and right.

Miami covers the -1.5 easily.

Prediction: Miami 92 Celtics 83

The Memphis Grizzlies have been playing incredible basketball the past two weeks. They beat the shit out of the #1 seed in the San Antonio Spurs and right now they have a 2-1 series lead on the Oklahoma City Thunder. The playoffs are where your superstars come out to shine and it's time for Kevin Durant to take over this series. The Thunder can't afford to lose another game right now and Durant won't let them. I say he goes for at least 44 tonight. The Thunder are dogs on the road at +2.5. Take the Thunder to win a close one.

Prediction: Oklahoma City 101 Memphis 99


Go ahead and parlay these two picks. It pays out over 3-to-1.

This Week in Unnecessary Censorship

Jimmy Kimmel just needs to come up with a half hour show with these type of clips. I can watch them all day. Actually that is all I ever do.

Happy Birthday Dave: Kate Upton Video

Happy belated birthday goes out to Dave who is a loyal SportsCrack contributor. He's got a serious crush on Kate Upton so I figured why not give him a video of Upton's mammaries looking spanktacular. Remember to breathe slowly and deeply when watching. Objects may be closer than they appear.

The Boston Celtics Elderly Abuse PA

You can help the elderly by watching game 3 tonight. Wait a god damn second! They don't play game 3 in boston till Saturday night? What the fuck? I know the Celtics are old as shit and need all the assistance they can get but a 3 day layoff in between games 2 and 3 is fucking retarded. Come on NBA. Are we now going to have a 3 day layoff for the Lakers-Mavs series since the Mavs are tearing up the defending two-time Champs?

I'm going to go bold here. Not really but what the hell...If the Atlanta Hawks win game 3 which by NBA calculations will be in June they will beat the Bulls in 6 games.

Video via HotClicks

Augie Garrido is my hero

I'm fucking rock hard after watching Texas Longhorns baseball coach Augie Garrido go ape shit on the umpires and his team. I know ESPN just signed Texas to a new contract to form a Longhorn Network. I suggest hours and hours of Augie uncensored programming. It would fucking kill. At the very least the Orioles or the Braves need to hire this guy to come in and do some Matt Foley inspirational ass kickings every once in a while.

Via TheBigLead

Osama Bin Laden is Dead (South Park Style)

I could watch this all day. Fucking South Park just knocking one out of the park again. Tango is down, tango is down.

The Pac-12 just bitch slapped the SEC and Big Ten with a $2.7 Billion contract

With the additions of Utah and Colorado the newly formed Pac-12 Conference just landed the richest contract in television with a 12-year deal worth $2.7 BILLION. Yes. BILLION. CORRECTION: NEW YORK TIMES IS REPORTING DEAL WORTH $3 BILLION.

Three people familiar with the negotiations say the Pac-10 has agreed to a 12-year television contract with Fox and ESPN that is the most valuable in college sports.

The people say the contract will be worth more than $225 million per year. They spoke on condition of anonymity because the deal has not been announced. The contract was first reported by Sports Business Daily.

The previous richest deal for a conference is the $220 million a year that the Big Ten currently earns.

While most of the high-profile football and men's basketball games will be on channels owned by Fox or ESPN, the conference is interested in starting its own network.

Amateur sports eh? At $225 million per year that means each school in the Pac-12 will get roughly $18.75 million. Not too shabby for a conference that besides USC and most recently Oregon hasn't produced near the elite college football talent in the nation as say the SEC, Big Ten, and Big 12 conferences. This is a tremendous deal for the Pac-12 and sports fans around the nation. Hopefully we will no longer be subjected to shitty Big East football games on ESPN and instead will get to see some much more exciting West Coast brand of football.

Oh and before you ask NBC pays Notre Dame $15 million per season for their TV rights. It might be time for Notre Dame to either join a conference in football or renegotiate that contract. There is no reason schools like Vandy, Cal, and Northwestern among others should be getting paid more when they don't carry the brand name recognition that Notre Dame brings to the table.

With the tremendous amount of money being poured into television contracts for the rights to college football games in the major conferences is there any doubt that college football is the most popular sport in America with the NFL's lockout in full force?

President Obama Roasts the shit out of Donald Trump

Kudos to the President. He has a sense of humor. A wicked one. He knows how to talk like an intelligent human being unlike that SportsCrack fella. And by God he absolutely destroyed Donald Trump in this roast at the White House Correspondents' Dinner. I will just be up front. I'm not the biggest Trump fan because the guy was born with a silver spoon in his mouth and a fox on his head. He thinks he knows everything. So fuck him.

The President just tore you to shreds. Now the question is how will Trump respond? By calling Rosie O'donnell fat or bankrupting another casino? That's old hat for the Donald. Maybe he can run for President. He's already great at running up debt on his own businesses before they go under. In fact he would be perfect for America.

I would say it's been a pretty good week for Obama. He destroys the character of Trump and then kills America's #1 enemy in Bin Laden. Not too shabby for a guy born in Kenya.

Jason Heyward and the Stanford Tree SportsCenter Commercial

Listen I'm not the biggest Heyward fan in the world for obvious reasons but this SportsCenter commercial made me laugh out loud. The Stanford Tree has to be the dumbest mascot in the world. To see him crumble and fall as Heyward explains the bat processing of "they keep cutting...cutting..cutting" and "that's all laser....psshhhhh" is pretty spot on. It was kind of like when I was served by Heyward's lackeys. Hilarious yet unnecessary.

Video HT: Eric

Liar, Liar, Vest on Fire! Billboard

Talk about an all-time classic shot to the nuts via billboard. The Michigan/Ohio State rivalry just heated up a little bit more with this "Liar, Liar, Vest on Fire!" billboard off I-94. Now it's time for Ohio State fans to retaliate to protect their white knight in Jim Tressel.

Image HT to Jeff

Bin Laden is Dead

The Navy Seals ended almost 10 years of hide and seek with Osama Bin Laden. Fuck Yeah! It's a great day for freedom. Now let's go get Ayman Al Zawahiri. Fuck Yeah!

Here is a cool scene of Phillies fans reacting to the news of Bin Laden's death during the Met's game last night...

First Round Thoughts

1. Cam Newton (Carolina Panthers)-You gotta hand it to the Panthers. They went against logic and drafted the next Jamarcus Russell. He may not be the smartest cookie or have the best accuracy but he can jump real high and is as big as a defensive lineman. Sounds like the perfect NFL quarterback.

2. Von Miller (Denver Broncos)-Clearly the best linebacker in the draft. I probably would have taken Marcell Dareus here but you really can't argue taking Miller. Some draft experts have compared him to Derrick Thomas. I don't think he will be that good but I could see him turning into a Terrell Suggs-type of pass rusher.

3. Marcell Dareus (Buffalo Bills)-Good solid pick for the Bills. Dareus is a guy who can plug the middle and free up the Buffalo linebackers to make plays.

4. A.J. Green (Cincy Bengals)-Green is one of the few guys in this draft that I think is going to be a perennial All-Pro. Clearly the best receiver to come out since Larry Fitzgerald Green will make an instant impact in Cincy. But who will be throwing him the ball?



5. Patrick Peterson (Arizona Cardinals)-Besides Green I thought Peterson heading into the draft was one of only three sure fire safe bets to be an instant impact type of player in the NFL. I was hoping the Falcons could trade up to get him. Fuck.

6. Julio Jones (Atlanta Falcons)-I absolutely hate this move by the Falcons. They traded 5 draft picks (2 1st Rounders, a 2nd, and 2 4th's) for a receiver who at his very best if he fulfills his potential the Falcons already have in Roddy White. Don't get me wrong I like Julio's athleticism and the fact he plays hard. But I hate his hands. GM Thomas Dimitroff swung for the fences with this risky trade and pick. I'm afraid they got another J.J. Stokes.

7. Aldon Smith (San Fran 49ers)-This draft was loaded with quality defensive ends and somehow, some way the first one to come off the board in Mizzou's Aldon Smith. It's kind of amazing how much talent on the defensive side of the ball Mizzou has supplied to the NFL in the past 3 seasons and yet Mizzou defenses are shit.

8. Jake Locker (Tennessee Titans)-So the Titans get rid of Vince Young and draft a less athletic, less accurate, and less passionate player in Locker. Brilliant. Locker was a 2nd to a 4th round talent taken at #8 overall. The Titans are idiots.

9. Tyron Smith (Dallas Cowboys)-The Cowboys need help on the offensive line and Smith should start right away. Only 20 years old Smith should grow into a solid tackle for Dallas.

10. Blaine Gabbert (Jacksonville Jaguars)-I actually think Gabbert will wind up being the best of the 4 QB's taken in the 1st. But it's really not saying much since I don't think very highly of the other 3. Plus Jacksonville gave up a 2nd rounder to move up to get Gabbert. Pretty risky but what the fuck do I know?

11. J.J. Watt (Houston Texans)-I like Ryan Kerrigan better but I can't argue too much with the Watt pick. He should be a force on the edge with Mario Williams on the other side.

12. Christian Ponder (Minnesota Vikings)-Another first round pick I don't get at all. Ponder has skills but he couldn't even win at FSU with a shitload of talent around him.

13. Nick Fairley (Detroit Lions)-How can you not love this pick? Fairley and the great Suh next to each other causing havoc. The Lions got extremely lucky to get Fairley at this spot and Detroit fans should hope he carries a chip on his shoulder for dropping this low for a talent like himself.

14. Robert Quinn (St. Louis)-He's a big risk for the Rams here but he is also a big reward. Probably could have been a top 5 pick if he played last season at Chapel Hill, Quinn should make an instant impact for the Ram's defense.

15. Mike Pouncey (Miami Dolphins)-I was kind of disappointed we didn't get the classic trailer incest shot from last year when his twin brother Maurkice got picked by the Steelers. I would have taken Mark Ingram here.

16. Ryan Kerrigan (Washington Redskins)-Gotta hand it to the Skins. They traded down, picked up a couple of more picks, and got a great player with a high motor in Kerrigan. I think Kerrigan will be a star in Washington.


17. Nate Solder (New England Patriots)-Kind of a dumb pick for the Patriots. Solder is a project and not the type of guy you pay huge bucks in signing bonus for someone who is going to take some time to learn the tackle position.

18. Corey Liuget (San Diego Chargers)-I was a big fan of Liuget at Illinois and he should fit in perfectly for the Chargers. Liuget has a couple of future Pro Bowl seasons in him.

19. Prince Amukamara (New York Giants)-Not nearly the talent of a Patrick Peterson and it's actually refreshing to see him drop this far. His technique isn't very good and he gets beat tremendously deep in college. In other words I think he will be a prime target for the boo birds in New York.

20. Adrian Clayborn (Tampa Bay Bucs)-Clayborn was a great college player for Iowa but I'm not sure it will translate to the NFL. He's easy to root for though with his high motor but I got to admit I'm shocked they didn't take Da'Quan Bowers here.

21. Phillip Taylor (Cleveland Browns)-Taylor looks like a good nose tackle on film and he definitely has the body to play right away. It's kind of interesting that the Browns traded up after trading down with the Falcons to grab Taylor. There must be something in him that I don't see.

22. Anthony Castonzo (Indy Colts)-Future right tackle for the aging Peyton Manning.

23. Danny Watkins (Philly Eagles)-27 year old rookie. Wow. Huge reach for the Eagles here.

24. Cam Jordan (New Orleans Saints)-The Saints got a very good defensive end in Jordan who should start right away. Sleeper pick for defensive rookie of the year honors.

25. James Carpenter (Seattle Seahawks)-The Seahawks and Pete Carroll needed a run blocking tackle and probably got the best one left on the board in Carpenter.

26. Jonathan Baldwin (Kansas City Chiefs)-Matt Cassel has plenty of weapons. Baldwin should team up with Dwayne Bowe to form a lethal receiving combo.

27. Jimmy Smith (Baltimore Ravens)-Should fit in perfectly in the Raven's locker room. Smith reminds me a lot of former Raven Chris McAllister which is obviously a good thing. I'm looking forward to seeing his future one-on-one duels with A.J. Green.

28. Mark Ingram (New Orleans Saints)-Good bye Reggie Bush. Ingram still has his Heisman and now takes over for Bush in the Big Easy. I can't argue with this pick. Ingram should be a good in between the tackles running back. Better yet the Saints drafted a great person in Ingram.


29. Gabe Carimi (Chicago Bears)-I don't like his name. I like his game though. Good pick by the Bears.

30. Muhammad Wilkerson (New York Jets)-This Muslim will probably turn into an All-Pro for Rex Ryan. Seriously.

31. Cam Heyward (Pittsburgh Steelers)-Interesting pick for the Steelers. Heyward is good but I would have much rather had Da'Quan Bowers or Justin Houston. Heyward should fit in well for Pittsburgh at DE/OLB.

32. Derek Sherrod (Green Bay Packers)-The Super Bowl Champs get their future right tackle to protect Aaron Rodgers. I can't argue with Ted Thompson on this pick since Sherrod is the last quality tackle in this draft who was graded as a first round talent.

Boston Fans are very hospitable to the Canadians

Why no free health care jokes? What about their beady eyes? Come on Bahston. You can do better.

Inspirational words from Kenny Powers

“Some people say Kenny Powers is a woman-hater. That's not true; I love women - every f**kin' one of 'em. Even the ugly-as-sh*t ones. But don't ask me to trust 'em, even nuns, because every pair of tits comes with a gaping hole of need that even Kenny Powers can't fill.” – Kenny Powers

Gary Neal doesn't need no stinkin' replay

San Antonio Spurs reserve Gary Neal came up huge last night with the game and the series on the line with this huge 3 pointer to tie the game and send it to overtime. The Spurs went on to win the game and extend the series to a Game 6. I missed this game because I was too busy taking a shit. Seriously. Tornados are scary and the safest place is your bathroom from what I have heard.

Tuscaloosa Tornado barely avoids Bryant-Denny Stadium

Tuscaloosa Tornado (4/26/2011)

While we were bunkered out in our neighbor's basement yesterday the University of Alabama in Tuscaloosa, AL took a direct hit from a major tornado. Luckily the ghost of Bear Bryant wouldn't let mother nature destroy Alabama's football stadium. Bryant-Denny Stadium was spared but a ton of others weren't so lucky. If you would like to help the Red Cross in response to the devastating tornados that swept through the Southeast yesterday by donations go to this link.

Atlanta IHOP's are good for fisticuffs

I think it's pretty obvious what happened here. The girl in handcuffs wanted her Rooty Tooty Fresh N' Fruity with scrambled eggs and instead was given over easy. I've been there. It's infuriating. The cop then came over and said IHOP was all out of scrambled and all hell broke loose. The point is you don't ever mess with a drunk girl and her scrambled eggs. The officer had every right to punch her out once she threw the first punch. Live by the fist die by the fist is what I say. I'm sure they had plenty of scrambled eggs in the big house. Also kudos goes out to the cop for the arrest. He could have easily ripped her clothes off just to make sure she wasn't armed and dangerous. It's better not to do it in public and instead wait to get her in the cop car. It's Officer 101.

Say it isn't so: Zibby fails drug test at boxing match

Just off a bone crushing knockout to improve his record to 4-0 in the professional ranks of boxing the last thing I expected to hear with former Notre Dame All-American safety Tommy Zbikowski is "failed drug test." Apparently the Chickasaw Nation Boxing Commission found enough evidence after his fight on Saturday night to suspend him for 45 days.

But did Zibby really do anything wrong?

His boxing coach, Mike Joyce, told the Chicago Sun-Times they planned to appeal the test result, which they believed was in error.

"After the fight, all the fighters tested were positive," Joyce told the paper. "They had you pee in a cup and put a strip of something in there. I've never seen results where you get them the day of the fight. It was like a home pregnancy test or something."

With the NFL lockout still in full force and a scheduled June 4th fight at the Staples Center in Los Angeles on the horizon a 45 day suspension could hurt Zibby's pockets big time. It sounds pretty fishy if all the boxers tested positive. On a positive note if Janoris Jenkins is looking for a new dealer he knows where to go.

Gators dismiss Janoris Jenkins from program

First year head coach Will Muschamp made his first extremely difficult decision today when he announced star cornerback Janoris Jenkins will no longer be a part of the Gators program following his third arrest for marijuana possession. Gatorzone.com has the details...

Jenkins was dismissed from the team during a meeting Tuesday morning with first-year Gators head coach Will Muschamp. Jenkins could face more legal issues following his latest arrest early Saturday morning in Gainesville.


“After meeting with Janoris Jenkins today, we both felt it was in his best interest to move ahead to the next stage of his career,'' Muschamp said.

Losing Jenkins is a pretty big blow for the Gators defense. Projected by many draft experts to be a 1st round talent this past season, Jenkins surprised a lot of people when he decided to return to Gainesville for his senior season. With his dismissal from the program the first-team All-SEC pick from last season will look to enter the supplemental draft. It's almost impossible to replace lockdown corners and Jenkins shoes will have to be filled with either senior Moses Jenkins or sophomores Jeremy Brown and Cody Riggs.

We reached out to Janoris Jenkins to get his response. He was a little preoccupied.

Michael Irvin is still on the coke, delivering rah rah speeches to Miami football players

Cocaine is a hell of a drug. It can cause the stimulation of the central nervous system to which affects the brain's processing of dopamine, a brain chemical associated with pleasure and movement. There has been nothing pleasurable in regards to Da U the past decade. Even with Michael Irvin delivering coke-raged speeches to scared shitless teenagers whom have little idea how to win. It isn't going to change the fact that Miami football sucks right now. New head coach Al Golden could get the team turned around. But it's going to take a lot of booger sugar.

"THE BEAST" SHIRTS ARE NOW FOR SALE

If you watched the Spring Game you saw the unveiling of "The Beast" as he completely dominated the line of scrimmage. The true freshman is looking to make an early impact this fall and will no doubt go "Beast." In honor of college football's best incoming freshman we decided to make a shirt and get this...call it "The Beast."

We are taking preorders now with shirts shipping on April 27th 2011. Order yours today! We got a limited number of shirts and once they are sold out they are gone for good. As always a portion of all SportsCrack.com t-shirts sales goes to the American Cancer Society.

Life as a Cub's Fan

Even the fans can't win in Wrigleyville. You might as well just stamp 1908 on that girl's head.

Video via TheBigLead

I COULD WATCH THIS SHIT ALL DAY: JON GRUDEN'S QB CAMP WITH JAKE LOCKER

ESPN'S Jon Gruden has a feeling about Washington's Jake Locker. He never tells you what the feeling is because he is trying to be nice to the kid. Let's be honest here. Locker was an average college quarterback. He never took that step forward that so many experts projected after his freshman season. But the crazy thing is despite his shaky at best accuracy and his questionable decision making at a position where one play can lose you a game the fact that Locker has good measurables in arm strength, speed, and size he could be a 1st round draft pick.

I don't claim to be an expert when it comes to scouting quarterbacks. But I know when I see a special player. And Locker isn't that guy. BOOM!

Get it away from me: Tony La Russa's Face

The red hot Cardinals have a new good luck charm and it's not Albert Pujols' bat. Manager Tony La Russa has got one of the worst cases of pink eye I have ever seen. It's like he got shitfaced and decided to fall down the stairs...again. He says pinkeye but I say one too many glasses of Merlot.

"I'm not in a lot of pain," said La Russa yesterday. "It just scares kids. Like bad makeup in a horror movie."

Get your shit together Tony!


Image via RiverFrontTimes

Auburn has a new sponsorship with Geico

You may have seen Cam Newton in New York City recently with the NFL Draft just a week away. Apparently Cam was lucky enough to catch CashCab. Some guys just have all the luck.

Buck Showalter says WTF during Glee inspired National Anthem

Thank you Buck Showalter. Thank you. The Baltimore Orioles manager mouthed "what the fuck" last night when some Glee club completely butchered the National Anthem in Camden Yards. Words can not describe how much I hate it when singers try to mess with the song and make it their "own."

Baseball Slide of the Year

This happened in a Tupelo, MS high school baseball game a couple of days ago and I know I'm a little late to the punch here but fucking shit I want this kid on my baseball team. I don't even think the great Ichiro could pull something like that off.

Great illustration and case closed

Now that is some hands on reporting. You gotta get dirty sometimes and make the news especially in Kansas City.

HT to Dave.

HAPPY 420 DAY EVERYBODY!

Be safe out there and please, for the love of God, don't take what this poor schmuck took. Those were the good old days when your dogs would turn into panthers and goats would talk to you. You don't need it anymore. You got debt and a mortgage to pay. Joy.

Mike Leake's American Rag Shoplifting Ad

Tauntr.com has the most excellent American Rag ad endorsed by Cincinnati Red's pitcher Mike Leake. As you may have heard Leake got caught shoplifting 6 American Rag shirts worth a total of $60 yesterday. Yep. A guy who makes $450k a year is stealing fucking $10 shirts. What an asshole!

Aroldis Chapman hit 106 last night

I know the Reds probably know what they are doing but how in the holy fuck is Aroldis Chapman a middle reliever when he hits 106 on the gun? And people wonder why Dusty Baker doesn't have a World Series ring yet. Yeah, you heard right. 1...0...6!!!! He threw it to Andrew McCutchen last night and I don't even think God saw it. I would post a video of it but since MLB doesn't want to promote their sport I will just direct you to their site.

In the meantime go ahead and buy one of our Cuban Missile shirts.

Monopoly -Official Trailer

I smell summer blockbuster. Fuck Captain America and The Hangover 2. Monopoly will send those bitches straight to jail. Monopoly is going to straight up crush the box office this summer. I'm pretty much positive Christopher Nolan stole the musical score from Monopoly and somehow put it in Inception. I'm also sure that Tequila tastes best before noon Monday through Friday. These are things you learn when you type in your PJs at 3 in the afternoon.

Brian Wilson and Cody Ross rocking it out with a mini me Matt Cain with claw hands

Giants closer Brian Wilson is quickly becoming one of my favorite players in the league. I mean shit the guy rocks a terrorist beard and still gets mad pussy. How is that even possible? If I have two day stubble I'm basically shut off like it's Fort Knox down there. If I wasn't a die hard Braves or Orioles fan I could definitely see myself rooting for the Giants. I mean shit they wear the same colors as the Orioles. They play in one of my favorite cities to visit and their ballpark rivals Camden Yards. And they also got Lincecum who the Orioles somehow dumbfucked their way into not drafting him and instead took fucking Billy Rowell. I don't know what the purpose of this video is but it's crazy how the pitchers mound can make Matt Cain look so much bigger. It's little wonder (pun intended) he can mow down hitters with those fucking claws for hands. By the way where the hell is Lincecum? He probably was too busy chowing down some In-N Out after smoking some medicinal.

Video via BarStoolSports

Mets Commercial - Tickets Still Available!!!

Thanks to George Lee for posting this vintage New York Mets commercial. I'm probably the last person who should make fun of the Metropolitans since my Orioles and Braves have contracted bat aids. Yeah it's horrible. Nobody can hit worth a shit and like Magic Johnson only money, a whole lot it, can make it bat aids go away.

Does Serena have college eligibility?

Because I know of a few programs that could use the help at the fullback position. If she packs on about another 20 then we are looking at a future noseguard.

Picture via TheBigLead

Notre Dame picked up a 5 star commitment in Ronald Darby

Notre Dame picked up some huge commitments this past weekend led by athlete Ronald Darby out of Maryland.

Darby will be a cornerback for the Fighting Irish and return kicks. He was electronically timed at the Under Armour All-American Combine in Orlando, FL in the 40-yard dash and ran an astonishing 4.31. He is one of if not the fastest sprinter in the country. He has multiple time trials on the track that timed out the fastest in the nation. He will be the fastest recruit at Notre Dame since Allen Rossum was playing corner in the mid 90's.

I know a lot of fans want to see him at tailback and for good reason with his ridiculous speed. But Darby likes to play defense and with Notre Dame losing Gary Gray, Robert Blanton, and Harrison Smith out of the secondary in 2012 Darby will get immediate playing time. He told IrishIllustrated.com he loves to play defense.

"I really like defense best and special teams," Darby previously told IrishIllustrated.com. "I like to be the one to deliver the hit."

With Tee Shepard and Darby in the fold Notre Dame has two of the elite cornerbacks in the nation. Geno Smith out of Atlanta is another elite corner that Notre Dame hopes to get on campus in the summer or fall. With the Irish losing most of their secondary to the NFL in 2012 all of these kids will have a chance to contribute immediately and Notre Dame can obviously sell playing time to them.

The Irish also picked up Michael Cera's doppelganger in Nicky Baratti out of Texas. Baratti will play safety in college and his high school film brings back memories of another former Irish safety in Tommy Zbikowski. Like Zibby Baratti plays quarterback in high school and is extremely fast and physical.

WTF was Verlander doing here?

I've seen a lot of things in baseball but this is a first. Detroit Tigers starter Justin Verlander steps off the rubber and then fires it home. Just a complete brain fart with Verlander.

UGA Football Recruits Arrested for Locker Room Thefts

Well it looks like Georgia is off to a great start in recruiting with the news of recruits being arrested for stealing shit from some of the current player's lockers this past week.

Deion Bonner, Marquise Hawkins and an unidentified juvenile from Columbus were arrested by UGA police and charged with theft by taking over the weekend. They’re accused of stealing iPods and iPhones from the unsecured lockers of seven football players on April 7 during an open-house event at Butts-Mehre Heritage Hall. The estimated value of the stolen items was $1,330.

Bonner was charged with one count of theft by taking, Hawkins was charged with two counts of theft by taking and the unidentified juvenile with three counts of theft by taking, according to Williamson. Bonner and Hawkins were booked at Athens-Clarke County jail a little after 9 a.m. Monday morning and have $1,500 bonds posted on each count. The crimes are considered misdemeanors.

Bonner, a 5-11, 185-pound defensive back from Carver-Columbus, is considered one of the top prospects in the state for the Class of 2012 and was included among the AJC’s “Tentative Top 10″ prospects for next season. The AJC has learned that Hawkins is not a college football prospect. Marquise Hawkins is the twin brother of Carver-Columbus quarterback Marqui Hawkins, who is a 2013 recruiting prospect, according to Carver coach Dell McGee.

Carver High School is where top incoming recruit Isaiah Crowell, a tailback, is from and I'm sure you can only imagine the collective shit in their pants UGA Nation had when they first heard some high school recruits from that particular school were involved. PLEASE DON'T BE CROWELL PLEASE HOLY FUCK DON'T BE CROWELL FOR FUCK'S SAKE DON'T BE CROWELL!!!!!!!!!

So it's safe to say with the thefts that Mark Richt and his staff will no longer be recruiting Bonner or Hawkins. If anything they would fit in perfectly at Tennessee. Get on it Derek Dooley

Kevin Na with a 16 on a Par 4

Kevin Na posted an ungodly 16 on a par 4 hole yesterday at the Valero Texas Open. Holy shit I didn't even think that was possible. I'm not the best golfer by any means but I don't think I've ever scribbled a 16 on my scorecard. In fact I'm positive. I mean what do you do if you are Na at this point? You are now famous for being shitty. Do you go all Tiger and get hookers and blow and call it a bad day? I have no idea. I don't shoot 16's on par 4's. Now par 5's are a completely different story.

Video via BigLeadSports

Coco Crisp bringing back the retro afro

100% natural people. Oakland A's center fielder Coco Crisp unveiled his mighty afro last night against Detroit. It looked great with the old school uniforms that the A's wore back in the 70's. Unfortunately for Crisp the power of the fro didn't work last night as the A's lost in a shutout and Crisp went 0 for 4. But I like the Oscar Gamble look. It's like two black cotton balls sprouting out of his ears.

You know what I hope is next for Crisp in the hairstyle department? The George Bell soul glo. Bring that shit back!

Atlanta Falcons select Kyle Rudolph with 1st pick?

We are 13 days away from the start of the NFL Draft and the AJC's D. Orlando Ledbetter has the Atlanta Falcons doing the unthinkable: drafting a Notre Dame player. The Falcons have a need at tight end with the once great Tony Gonzalez closing in on retirement but would they really draft Kyle Rudolph with the #27 overall pick? Ledbetter thinks so...

Tony Gonzalez is not going to play forever.

This offseason he let the team know that he plans to return for the final year of his contract.

Later, he stated that if there is a long lockout that he’ll probably hang up his cleats.

Either way, the Falcons have to do something. They have to plan for the future. They have to get a tight end on board and they’ve been heavily scouting the position this offseason.

With the 27th pick, the Falcons will have a chance to address their needs at defensive end, tight end, cornerback and wide receiver.

But when Miami cornerback Brandon Harris is selected 26th by Baltimore, the Falcons will shift over to offense.

They could go with Ohio State defensive end Cameron Heyward or Georgia defensive end Justin Houston. But they know Miami defensive end Allen Bailey will still be available when they pick in the second around.

However, it’s highly unlikely that they’ll pick a wide receiver in the first round because there will be talented receivers in the second, third and fourth rounds. East Carolina wide receiver Dwayne Harris could be the team’s third round target.

Under this scenario, the Falcons will pull Notre Dame tight end Kyle Rudolph’s name off their draft board in the first round.

Rudolph, who’s 6-foot-6 1/8 and 259 pounds, is widely considered the top tight end in the draft.

It's a good argument and trust me I would love to have Rudolph on the Falcons. The guy has crazy measurables and would be a red zone nightmare for opponents. But I also think the Falcons have bigger needs with the #1 pick.

Defense.

The Falcons need playmakers on the defensive side of the ball and most importantly guys who can get to the quarterback. If I were the Falcons I would be looking to draft either Martrez Wilson from Illinois or Georgia's Justin Houston. Both are fast and extremely athletic who are also a little too big to stay at linebacker. Either one I think could be an outstanding OLB/DE in the 3-4 defense for the Falcons.

Rudolph is clearly the #1 tight end in this weak draft. His height and hands are excellent for a tight end and he would definitely be a favorite target of Matt Ryan. But I don't see him as a first round talent after his slow times at his Pro Day in South Bend (4.78 and 4.82). Plus he has injury issues and missed time in all 3 seasons at Notre Dame with the most significant one coming this past with a torn hamstring. I would much rather see the Falcons take the "safe pick" of Houston or Wilson and then hope Rudolph can be had in the 2nd round. Rudolph could be the next Greg Olsen/Rob Gronkowski but the injury history would scare me away from taking him in the 1st.

Who would you take if you were the Falcons?

Baltimore Orioles "Black and Orange" Video

No Buck references is kind of disappointing. The Orioles are still tied for the AL East lead with the New York Yankees but they are going to need some help with the starting pitching. You pretty much know what you are going to get out of Jeremy Guthrie and Brian Matusz. They are going to shell out a solid 6-7 innings a piece when Matusz comes back from the DL. What you don't know is just how well rookie phenom Zach Britton is going to pitch once teams have scouting reports on him. He could pitch like Jaime Garcia did last season or he could struggle. It's too early to tell. What we do know is that Jake Arrieta and Chris Tillman are barely holding on to starter spots if they continue to struggle with location and velocity. Both got rocked in their last starts (albeit against good hitting teams in the Rangers and Yankees) but if they can't keep the ball down and be more consistent from start-to-start there is little reason for me to believe they last in the rotation. The Orioles will only go as far as their starting rotation takes them. All the guys are young and still have a ton of potential. But do you really want to rely on young, unproven starters who are inconsistent in the rough and tough AL East? I didn't think so. President of baseball operations Andy MacPhail needs to be looking for at least one starter who some team is looking to dump for salary purposes. Or he could just sign C.C. Sabathia this offseason when he opts out of his contract. Both scenarios are not likely.

Arizona State's Sparky giving the old shocker salute

Sparky, the Arizona State mascot, giving the old shocker salute on a basketball ticket. Wow. Apparently it's some kind of tradition to give the shocker sign at Arizona State. With the coeds I've seen there I can understand the need for the shocker.

Image via SportsByBrooks

Kobe Bryant calls a referee a "Fuk-in F@g"

Well at least he didn't rape him. Right guys?

Don't Drink and Dive

I had no idea you could be knocked out by water. I guess you learn something new every day.

Drunk girl + water= knock out

Tom Brady cried when he found out Pia was eliminated from American Idol

It's okay Tom Brady. Pia Toscano will land back on her feet. She's too talented and good looking to let one little elimination on national television bring her down. We will get through this Brady. Now hold me. No. Down there.

Brilliant video via Tauntr.com

Charlie Weis is looking good in Gator colors

The tucked in polo with the jorts is making a comeback. Well actually it never left Gainesville. I got to hand it to new offensive coordinator Charlie Weis. He can pull it off. Unfortunately for the Florida football program Weis appearance isn't the only embarrassing sight on campus. The Florida offense with senior QB/huge disappointment John Brantley looked absolutely horrendous during their spring game. It took Brantley a while just to complete a pass. Like over a quarter. Brantley's performance during the Orange and Blue scrimmage didn't exactly bring confidence to an offense that struggled all season in 2010 to find an identity and the endzone. It could be a long season for Gator Nation.

Corndog Commercial

Actually it's a commercial for TUMS and now I have lost all desire to eat a corndog. I'm surprised they didn't put mayo on the tip to give it that authentic look. I know I would have been much more aroused.

Video via HotClicks