The season hasn't even had it's first tailgate let alone kickoff but we are too excited to wait on the end of the year bowl predictions. Plus it's always fun to go back and check to see how wrong we were. If I hit 20% of these predictions it's just pure luck. Thank God this is the final year of the BCS. BCS bowls | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
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5 more days till the road to Pasadena starts. Can. Not. Wait.
It's going to be frantic. It's going to be edge of your seat action. Goose bumps ready.
Make sure you turn on the volume for this one. It's in the upper left corner. I'm crying from laughing. Tears flowing. The internet wins. This is all-time classic material right here. Right up there with the George Brett shit story.
"HE DONE DROP THE HOE! HE DONE DROP THE HOE!" - If that isn't a shirt then I don't know what is.
They call her Butterfingers.
Via BarStoolSports
At this point I'm starting to feel bad for South Carolina defensive end Jadeveon Clowney. Any player that ESPN props up on a pedestal, especially a college football one, eventually gets torn apart. It's going to happen.
Is Clowney great? Yes of course. But he's not nearly the flawless prospect that a lot of people are making him out to be. He's not perfect on or off the field. And unfortunately ESPN and the media will find these things once the season starts. And despite what the media says he is not a lock for #1 pick. He's not a once-in-a-generation type player. Sure he has some great hits and plays but watch the whole game while focusing on him and determine how much of a "can't miss prospect" he really is.
It's only 6 days away. We get to see "The Freak" on ESPN vs North Carolina. The proverbial rise and eventual fall of Clowney will be yet another ESPN production that will be can't miss television. Awesome.
Interesting the coaches picked Aaron Murray over Johnny Manziel and A.J. McCarron. Seems logical. This is what I think of it...
But other than the QB pick and maybe some of those offensive line picks it looks about right.
Don't worry looking into your Phil Steele magazine or Sporting News or Playboy or whatever magazine you get your preseason preview from. This is the ultimate list. The SportsCrack All-American list is 99.9% accurate. We know our shit. We live college football. We are out doing the tailgates in the spring when those other shit stains are focused on trivial things like family. So without further ado here is the All-American Preseason 2013 team.
QB Johnny Manziel, Texas A&M - He's got a Heisman in his backpocket. He also has some Benjamins. On the field he is the best QB in the nation and the most important player for his team. Off it he is Johnny Fucking Football. The most entertaining college football player since Reggie Bush IMO.
RB Todd Gurley, Georgia - The first half of Gurshall exploded on the scene during his freshman season in Athens. Plus he's a Baltimore Orioles fan so he has impeccable taste. And herpes. A lot of that goes around the Classic City. Or so I've heard.
RB Lache Seastrunk, Baylor - Winner of the dumbest name award this kid can flat out fly. Doesn't get a lot of pub since he plays for Baylor but that will all change this season.
WR Marqise Lee, USC - Just another great USC wide receiver who won't live up to his hype in the NFL. I mean he is really good. He won some awards last year for an awful Trojans team so I'm sure 2013 will be another Groundhog Day for him.
WR Amari Cooper, Alabama - One of the most fluid receivers I can remember, Cooper brings back memories of Jerry Rice. Only a sophomore he should be AJ McCarron's favorite target.
TE Austin Seferian-Jenkins, Washington - The most talented tight end in the nation just needs to stay healthy and keep his nose clean. He has done neither this year. Still the best tight end in the nation.
T Cyrus Kouandjio, Alabama - Alabama grows dominate offensive tackles like they grow meth.
T Taylor Lewan, Michigan - I know this may be flabbergasting to ESPN and all those SEC cuckholders but Lewan pretty much dominated Clowney in the bowl game.
C Gabe Ikard, Oklahoma - A loyal SportsCrack customer since high school Gabe will now be blocking for the Belldozer.
G David Yankey, Stanford - Yankey proves Nerds can play football and dominate at the same time.
G Cyril Richardson, Baylor - Will be opening up gapping holes for Seastrunk all year.
All Purpose De'Anthony Thomas, Oregon - The Black Mamba could win the Heisman if he gets enough touches.
Kick Returner Stefon Diggs, Maryland - Only a sophomore this kid's play is electric.
DE Jadeveon Clowney, South Carolina - Listen Clowney is obviously a very good player. But he's not nearly as great of an all-around player as ESPN and the rest of college football media has made him out to be since the hit he put on Michigan. Still he's better than any other defensive end.
DT Louis Nix, Notre Dame - Irish Chocolate is an immovable object that destroys everything in sight. Go back and watch the BCS Championship and specifically watch his play. Nix more than held his own and often dominated against what is probably college footballs greatest offensive line collectively in Alabama.
DT Will Sutton, Arizona State - Dominating force inside who had double digit sacks last year.
DE Stephon Tuitt, Notre Dame - Up to 325 lbs Tuitt was dominating last year until a hernia curtailed his production. Still had double digit sacks and once again will be a force for an impressive Notre Dame defense.
OLB Anthony Barr, UCLA - Just ask Matt Barkley how good Barr is at linebacker.
ILB C.J. Mosley, Alabama - Actually kinda shocking he came back for his senior season in Tuscaloosa. Must have not wanted to take a pay cut for the NFL. Who can blame him? He's the MVP of a stifling Bama defense.
OLB Kyle Van Noy, BYU - This Stormin'Mormon is a heat-seeking missile who's about as sounds of a tackler as you will find in the college game.
CB Bradley Roby, Ohio State - This Buckeye was one of the few bright spots on a suspect D last season. He also returns punts at an All-American rate.
CB Ifo Ekpre-Olomu, Oregon - My apologies go to Lache Seastrunk. The Oregon Duck who forced 6 fumbles last season clearly has the most fucked up name.
S Ha Ha Clinton-Dix, Alabama - His parents were clearly high when he was delivered. Who the fuck names their kid Ha Ha? I guess LOL seemed inappropriate.
S Ed Reynolds, Stanford - Another Stanford nerd makes the team. If you haven't noticed they have been playing pretty good football the past 4 seasons.
K Cairo Santos, Tulane - He was perfect (21 of 21) in field goals with a long of 57 yards. Plus he doesn't rape chicks like the Michigan kicker. Two pluses in my book and in life.
P Kyle Christy, Florida - A punter with the last name of Christy huh? I guess Fairy would have looked too gay for the Gaytors.
I'm ready to run through a fucking wall right now. Georgia Tech student Nick Selby has my marbles all tingling with straight fire after this epic freshmen welcome speech.
THIS IS GEORGIA TECH!!!
PS - They will still get worked by Georgia. But at least their players can spell their own names.
Gotta keep your head on a swivel at all times. A veteran cougar like Pam Oliver should know that.
Via BarStoolSports
This will be the first and probably only time you ever hear these words come out of my mouth when it comes to a Tennessee Volunteers football uniform: I like them. In fact I think these should become their permanent uniforms. The black/charcoal color looks really good. I know the Volunteers faithful are religious demigods about their helmet but if they could have made those matte black with the orange T popping on them then it would have been absolute perfection.
Poor Cam McDaniel. The third string tailback had to be the first to run into the backwards gauntlet sled after head coach Brian Kelly yelled "NO, IT'S NOT BACKWARDS!"
You can see Kelly trying to withhold his laughter after he realizes he fucked up. Luckily McDaniel wasn't hurt. His ego on the other hand?
A live bat landed in the infield last night during yet another Phillies ass whooping by the hands of the Atlanta Braves at the Ted. Infielder Paul Janish scooped up Bruce Wayne fearlessly and delivered him to the bat boy. The bat boy then proceeds to take the bat into the Braves dugout and like a breaking curveball Dan Uggla totally flinches as usual.
I guess the Spartans forgot that whole "coach Mark Dantonio had a heart attack" issue from a couple of seasons ago because holy shit they pulled a fast one on him. Luckily for Michigan State he took it like a good sport and didn't drop dead on the spot. That would have been awkward.
Buh-bye sweet prince. I guess we can go ahead and scratch out the New England Patriots as Super Bowl contenders. Oh wait never mind. They got Tebow. Hallelujah. The Messiah is back!
The SEC fan bases can be a little "eccentric" at times. In other words they are so obsessed with their teams they have to find a way to express their love and devotion through musical lyrics. Unfortunately for new head coach Butch Jones some dipshit...I mean "fanatic"...created a song in honor of the first year coach. It's about as pretty as the checkered end zones in Neyland.
And not to be outdone are the Arkansas faithful with "I'm a Bielemer" tribute song.
So which one is more embarrassing?
I got to go with Arkansas. Only because two assholes decided to participate in it.
We are still 17 long days till college football kicks off but that is nothing in compared to the last time Michigan scored a touchdown against Notre Dame. It's been 700 days. I wouldn't worry about Michigan though. They are a really close knit team.
Those two were made for each other.
Unfortunately this play didn't make it on SportsCenter last night. If it doesn't involve Johnny Football, Tim Tebow, Aaron Hernandez, A Roid, or some faux racism angle it just doesn't make the cut on ESPN. Sad but true. Anyways it's a hell of an acrobatic play by Detroit Tiger's shortstop Jose Iglesias to get the out at first. Detroit better watch out for the stampeding train gaining traction on them in the Kansas City Royals. KC is only 6.5 games back in the AL Central and with their young talent they should be a fun team to watch down the stretch.
Via BustedCoverage comes this orchestrated boob grab from the PGA Championship. In terms of boob grabs it loses a point because it was so planned out. Boob grabs are always better when they just come out natural. Like oh hey there's a boob. Grab it! In terms of overall boob they look like a handful. In terms of funny it's about a 5. Not bad but not that great either. But then again there are no bad boob grabs. None. Especially on live tv.
"I can't say much," Darnell told USA TODAY Sports, "other than we're working through the process. He's cooperating with the investigation. We think when all this comes out on the other end, he'll be the starting quarterback for the Aggies against Rice."
AND GET OFF HIS PRACTICE FIELD!!!
I gotta give it up for Steve Spurrier. The guy has finally hit speed dial for bat shit crazy. There is no going half way here with Spurrier. Just pure unadulterated old man tit-tahs. Spurrier knows something. Probably that his Cocks are going to finally win the SEC East because their schedule isn't overloaded with SEC West powerhouses while Georgia and Florida play the little sisters. Not this year fellas.
Sick tan by the way. Not even kidding. His tan is winning.
They said it couldn't be done. It's been over 20 years since the Pirates even sniffed a playoff game or even had a winning record. But The Marte has helped change all that. He is the one.
Well one of many who have helped Pittsburgh into first place in the NL Central. Currently they have 69 wins to 44 losses and sit 3 games ahead of the St. Louis Cardinals. With 49 games left all they have to do is go 13-36 to insure a winning season. But these Buccos have much bigger plans. If they only go .500 ball then they win 94 games and would probably win the division and most certainly will be guaranteed a Wild Card spot. Are they a World Series contender? I have a hard time believing it. But then again I didn't think Starling Marte could pull a Neo. So anything is possible.
Yeah I know this video of Rory McIlroy's home down in Jupiter, FL has nothing to do with the US Open starting in Oak Hill Country Club up in Rochester, NY today but I've always been fascinated by athlete or celebrities homes. Like where do they keep the dead hookers? Are the slaves always in the bottom dungeon? Just a few of the questions that pop in my head along with number of bedrooms and bathrooms. Since ESPN keeps getting away from actual sports highlights I say they do a show just on athlete's homes. It can be hosted by Darren Rovell and sponsored by Nike and Bose. Nice pad by the way McIlroy. But it's missing a key ingredient: Guinness tap. I thought all rich Irishmen had one of those.
Awesome video. Major props go out to the Carolina Panthers for making one of Jack's wishes come true. Who wouldn't want to coach a NFL team for a day?
Jack sounds like he has some coaching chops in him. Hell he already is taller than Nick Saban. Go get 'em Jack!
Video via ExtraMustard
Peyton Manning and Eli Manning are obviously not rap artists but I can say with 100% certainty that this "Football on your Phone" rap song is a million times better than anything Jay-Z has produced. It's not even debatable. So good job Manning brothers. You guys have more game than that rich fucker who says he owns the Brooklyn Nets but really doesn't and is more fake than the "baby" he conceived with Beyonce. Awesome.
PS-Do people actually use DirecTV willingly? I had it for about three weeks nearly a decade ago and all I remember is it going out if you sneezed or farted too loud. You might as well hold bunny ears over your flat screen you cheap ass.
Just to wet your appetite. I know you can taste the blood. It's almost here. College football heaven.
I'm going to have the "Bubblebutt" song in my head all day. Honest to God this is the first time I've ever heard of this Anastasia Ashley chick who apparently is a professional surfer. It's also the first time I've ever heard of that Bubble Butt song. I felt it was my due diligence (code for Google image search) to find out more about Anastasia and these are the best shots I found. She's talented.
