Luis Suarez is obviously a vampire. pic.twitter.com/obu7Wlcw4K
— Professor Snape (@_Snape_) June 24, 2014
Suarez gonna have to wear this for the rest of the World Cup pic.twitter.com/piINWGYhtS
— World Cup 2014 (@WorIdCupp) June 24, 2014
Luis Suarez will also be starring in the next Jaws pic.twitter.com/Io2YnHn0l1
— (@NotDyslexic) June 24, 2014
This little fucker literally scared the shit out of me the first time I watched it. I don't recommend watching this human leprechaun while trying to pinch a loaf off.
Seriously what in holy hell happened to the Tampa Bay Rays? They were baseball's small market underdog darlings along with the Oakland A's for the past 5 years but this year they have just completely sucked ass. You go from nearly winning a World Series to looking like schmucks vs a 17-year-old girl named Chelsea Baker in batting practice. They should just fold up the team and move them to Charlotte already. I don't know what's more embarrassing: The Rays MLB worst record of 31-47 or Evan Longoria's blonde mohawk?
And it still doesn't get old. I'm going to watch it at least another 50 times till my balls shrivel up and erode from exhaustion.
I literally have no fucking clue what she is saying nor do I care. All I know is that model Andressa Urach is a former runner up in the Miss Butt Brazil (yes their country has this and we don't) and she is not afraid to show off her talent on TV. Be sure to check out her Instagram or you can just google Image search for her better pictures.
I will admit this World Cup has pulled me in 100%. As a die hard sports fan but only a casual soccer follower I've been watching this World Cup like it's the Olympics. I love rooting for my country and as an underdog I love rooting for them even more. We aren't suppose to beat Ghana, Portugal, and Germany. But on Thursday we have a shot to at least win 2 of 3 and advance to the round of 16 out of the Group of Death. I'd say that's pretty damn impressive. Granted we can advance just by getting a tie with Germany but fuck that...we gotta win! USA! USA! USA! Beat Germany!
Hey next time asshole you might not try to run across with red fucking pants on! Just a thought. I think that's basic bull fighting 101 right there. Don't wear red pants and/or stop right in front of running bull only to get your head knocked off. This was on par for my Friday and Sunday night. Riding high Friday night with the Orioles about to take game 1 in their series vs the Skankees only to give up a 3 run walk off to Carlos Beltran. Then Sunday you might have heard about the USA choking against Portugal with less than 10 seconds left in stoppage time thanks to Michael Bradley's latest gaffe. All things considered I'll take being a disgruntled sports fan over being this dead guy.
Via BarStoolSports
If I was 24-years-old and had been playing golf my entire life while being dubbed the ladies version of Tiger Woods and had yet to win a major despite turning pro at 13 you can sure as hell bet I would be getting shit faced like Michelle Wie here. Wie filled her trophy up with some tasty cold beer and then chugged that shit like it was the Stanley Cup. And to top it off she did some drunk twerking which can't be easy for a girl who is over 6 feet tall. Wie can drink for my team any day!
I could watch this all day and still never stop laughing. It's just so perfect with Jim Ross doing the play-by-play of some asshole drunk on the street stumbling and face planting directly into the road. The guy's face almost exploded. "That's it he's dead!"
You can often see how much a human being had an impact on the world after they leave the living world. On Monday Tony Gwynn left at the young age of 54 due to complications from cancer. He left a legacy. Everybody has nothing but kind words for Mr. Padre. He was an institution in San Diego having grown up, gone to college, and played his entire career in the area. I was fortunate to meet Tony a couple of times growing up and he didn't let you down with his smile, his laugh, and his ability to connect with you even though he really didn't know you. We all knew about Tony growing up but he was more interested in finding out about you the person. Tony was just a great guy. A great player. Perhaps the best hitter the game has seen in 50 plus years. Tony Gwynn will be missed. Tony is up there with the Cal Ripkens, Dale Murphys and Ozzie Smiths of the baseball world. Great ball players who were even better good guys off the field. They lived up to the sports idol for every kid.
RIP Tony Gwynn.
No more fucking excuses. We are the USA. We don't need excuses. We need answers and we needed them yesterday. Portugal just got their bitch asses steamrolled by the Germans and lost two players in the process including their pride and dignity. This "group of death" currently doesn't look so fucking deadly anymore. All the USA has to do is beat fucking Ghana at 6pm today. Ghana is some piss ant from Africa who has no right to beat us considering all the money we put into developing our players and hiring the best coaches in the world. I'm pretty sure 95% of Ghana doesn't even have electricity much less water. No more fucking excuses America. I want us to destroy Ghana and then kick the living shit out of Portugal and Ronaldo and then Germany can annihilate us for all I care since it won't matter since we will automatically advance.
P.S - I only watch soccer every four years for the World Cup. I still think it's a nancy sport with "athletes" who would get curbed stomp playing in the States if they played one of the sports that actually matters (Football, baseball, hockey, basketball) but that doesn't matter right now. It's about national pride. We gotta win. No more excuses.
Double P.S - Cool video. I got a little chub from it no lie.
Wonder what's in the box...#goirish #Indianapolis pic.twitter.com/o0oPz0gl6a
— Ryan Grooms (@NDFBEquipment) June 16, 2014
Oh Ryan you can't be teasing the family jewels like this. I can feel it deep in my plums. They are all tingly in anticipation. What's in the box? I need to see the new 2014 Shamrock Series helmet today!
I'm not going to lie. I would fucking kill to live one day in Johnny Football's shoes right now. I mean is anybody else living it up more than Johnny Manziel? He's got a different dime piece every week. Hell he might have a different smokeshow every day for all I can tell. He's been partying with celebrities all over the country. He's got so much cash he can't even fucking hear us. Johnny Cleveland is living like a gangster. Party on Johnny. Party on.
OFFICIAL- NFL Films is excited 2 announce #HARDKNOCKS will feature @Atlanta_Falcons, premiering Aug 5. #cinemaverite pic.twitter.com/XfIzuQ5eCe
— NFL Films (@NFLFilms) June 12, 2014
Holy shit! I'm trying to think of a more scary scenario than this. Look I would be the last person you would see cliff diving. I just couldn't muster up the courage even if I was hammered, black out drunk. But to not only cliff dive and yet come down with the possibility of the world's most famous man eating predator just waiting for you as a snack is frightening. This bloke is more lucky than any lottery winner. His life was determined to go on only because that Great White waiting in the water had already eaten no doubt.
I'm trying to think of a more scarier scenario than cliff diving into Great White shark infested waters. Hmmm, maybe being a Chicago Cubs fan. Yeah that would definitely be suicidal.
A's left fielder Yoenis Cespedes did it again last night vs the Angels. Bobbling ground balls and making ridiculous on the mark throws has become Cespedes forte. Watch him nail Albert Pujols at 3rd base...
And of course the night before Cespedes made one of the best throws I have ever seen. He basically channeled his inner Bo Jackson and completed a frozen rope from the warning track all the way to home to nail Howie Kendrick...
Now I just feel bad for making fun of soccer players. Sorry excuse me. I meant "futbol players." Every single soccer player has gone out of their way to tell me how they are the best athletes and it takes the most skill to excel at their great sport. I mean after all it is the world's most popular sport so it must take an elite talent to conquer it like Cristiano Ronaldo has. He's the best of the best and you would never know that he doesn't use his arms like every other sport in the world. It's just so natural for him to throw a pigskin. I mean he could probably win the Heisman next year if he decided to attend college and slay coeds instead of European models. Yup it must be the reason why America sucks so bad at soccer because we don't have the great athletes that Europe and the other countries have. Ronaldo proves it with his natural talent. It's like watching 50 Cent throw a baseball. You can't miss the greatness.
Love those shorts by the way. It's always comforting to see someone's nuts dangling out while dribbling a soccer ball. Makes me respect his game even more.
See America has nothing to fear when it comes to gay people and marriage. Give them a little bit of the sauce and they start hitting on the opposite sex on live tv. This guy seems to have the same amount of game I used to have while intoxicated. The scary part is it actually worked. About 5% of the time but hey beggars can't be choosers. Someone get this guy another drink he could turn into Derek Jeter just swooping up grade A road beef.
We really are a simple breed. Just show us a pretty girl and we will throw all logic out of the window. We are basically dogs. Give us a little love and we are all ears and panting for more. Model Adrian Lima could have turned on Big Ten Football and I would have been like "Fuck Yeah I need some Big Ten Football" even though we all know it sucks. The power of the ....
Last season Baltimore Orioles slugger Chris "Crush" Davis hit a staggering 53 homers in a break out season that earned him top 3 MVP votes. This season Davis has been struggling with the long balls. He had 7 going into last night at the 1/3 season mark. After hitting a towering ball in the right field bleacher seats in Arlington last night you would think his teammates would be excited to see Crush break out of his mini slump. They gave him the silent treatment. Davis would not be shown up though as he gave his air high fives to his imaginary teammates. Take that assholes!
O's won their 4th straight. I'm still holding out hope the O's beat the Dodgers in the World Series as I predicted before the season started. They need to make a trade for another starter (Jeff Samardzija please) and get Matt Wieters back from injury and they should be fine. They got this!
50 Cent must have taken 9 bullets to his left shoulder before delivering this stinker of a first pitch. I'm right handed and I'm 100% certain I could throw left handed better than 50. Clearly not an athlete 50 should stick with rapping and/or soccer because the use of his arm is clearly not needed or wanted.
We are near the 1/3 season mark and Baltimore Orioles slugger/"Biogenisis survivor" Nelson Cruz is the MLB leader with 16 HRs. Some would describe Cruz as passionate, beastly, steady, machine, etc. His teammate Chris Davis who led the Majors last season in HR and RBIs however has a different one word description: flamboyant. I don't think anyone saw that coming. Hopefully "Cruzzzzzz" can be as flamboyant as Brady Anderson was back in the mid-to-late 90's and lead the Orioles back to the playoffs. You go boy!
Now that is NATITUDE! Smell it! Smell it! I said fucking SMELL IT!
Via @recordsandradio
I can see Norm McDonald's argument. You should need actual legs to be able to race. It's only fair. No wonder the guy murdered his girlfriend. He's been living a lie his whole life thinking he had real legs.
He's got the city believing...he's going to wreck this league! Truer words have never been spoken.
Johnny Manziel is now bigger than the city of Cleveland. Johnny Football is going to be running around Cleveland giving girls epic panty slushies. It's inevitable.
I seriously feel like SportsCenter would be one million times better if they just made all their news stories have Taiwanese animation. I don't need a reporter on site unless she is in lingerie. I need animation. The fucking gigantic Hurricanes crab got me in the end and I almost feel bad for laughing at it. I mean it's not even funny it's just so fucking stupid you have to laugh. It's almost as stupid as a Heisman Trophy winning QB stealing crab legs from Publix and pretty much getting away with it.
Speaking of stupid if you haven't ordered one of these Free Seafood University shirts you might as well ride the short bus because your summer is going to suck. They ship out this week and they're hotter than Jameis Winston's crab infested man nuggets.
ORDER NOW
Mr. Unreliable eh?
Kevin Durant delivered a highly emotional and heartfelt speech yesterday thanking his mother, friends, and teammates after receiving his first MVP trophy. The best part of the speech was it was completely honest and not scripted. There wasn't a dry eye in the room. Fuck I started cutting onions only 45 seconds into it. Bravo to Durant. We have a tendency and I'm guilty of this a lot for bashing players who don't put their emotions on their sleeve and only play for the money. Durant is one of the good guys. He's a player everybody can root for. One in which I would run through a wall for. I could only imagine being his teammate. This speech sealed his bronze statue in Oklahoma City. Durant the Legend.
Full fight video below. I've been laughing at these remix videos since they exploded on the internet yesterday. Yes I've got a problem. But at least I don't have a shovel imprint in my head. Although the girl with the shovel scar will probably make millions off this before she gets a video deal with Vivid.
WORLD STAR!!!!
So, this guy from the Dega infield last night...of course he plays tight end at Alabama http://t.co/eFNtYDAFc8 pic.twitter.com/s6XPzwspLN
— Bunkie Perkins (@BunkiePerkins) May 4, 2014
Remember all of those Alabama stereotypes in your head before you saw this post of Alabama Tight End Michael Nyeswander? Well now you feel a little less guilty don't you?
I don't care how old you are or how young you are or how sophisticated or how well of an upbringing you were brought up in farts are 100% funny all the fucking time. My 3 year old daughter cracks up every time I "toot" or she "toots" and my wife stares at us like we are neanderthals until she finally laughs because they are fucking funny. You can't help yourself. So when I see a ND coach talking about one of her players tweeting about getting cropdusted it makes me laugh. The world would be a lot better albeit smellier place if we just handled confrontations or squabbles with farts. I mean could you imagine back in the day Reagan and Gorbachev just ripping cheese bellies together? The Cold War would have been dead.
By the way where the hell was Brian Kelly? You can't have a video about ND coaches without the most famous and really the only important one on campus. He was probably out interviewing for the soon to be available Atlanta Falcons job.
I could see myself doing all of these except the stealing beer part. I'm not a big enough asshole I guess to fake a choking and grab some other dude's beer and chug it in front of them. Granted all bets are off if I see some douche wearing a Yankees hat at Turner Field.
True story I've only snuck into one game without paying in my life. I've gotten plenty of free tickets but actually getting into a packed game without a ticket is hard work. We all know I like to do the least amount of work. Remember C's get degrees kids and they still count as much as straight A's. Anyways I was up in Philly for my college roomie Tobin's wedding. Our flight out to Atlanta on that Sunday was delayed because of some bullshit fog or rain in the ATL. So the wife and I decided to take a shuttle over to Citizen Banks Park to watch the Phillies battle the DBacks. In Atlanta it's easy to get a baseball ticket. You just walk up to the ticket window and buy one. In Philly we found out it doesn't work the same way. They were completely sold out. No standing room tickets. No handicap tickets. Nothing. It was the game before the All-Star break so every inbred Philly fan was there. So I told the wife we had to get in we were just going to have to wing it somehow. Asked a few ushers and they put up the Heisman. The game had already started. Finally spotted a guy frazzled with his kids of course leaving the stadium. And much like the fake baby bottle story I asked if I could have his tickets stubs. He had a diaper or some shit to do so he didn't care. Took the stubs up to the usher and told him we had to run out of the stadium to get our drunk friend a cab or some shit and the usher just let us in. We wound up staying for the whole game and saw the DBacks beat the Phillies. It was great.
Don't even act like you refrained from laughing. It doesn't make you a bad person. It makes you a human being. And watching assholes in their power boat lose their shit to a wave to the remix of "Turn Down For What" is internet gold.
While I agree with Kenny Powers that baseball is better than most if not all of sports I gotta go devil's advocate here. Playing video game baseball sucks. Granted I haven't played video games in a long time because unfortunately I had to grow up and become a part-time alcoholic while being a full-time Dad but back in the day Madden, NBA Jam, Tiger Woods golf, even Fifa soccer blew the fucking doors off any baseball game. Maybe things I have changed and MLB 14 The Show is the greatest sports video game of all-time but I seriously doubt it. Too much thinking involved in baseball.
