15% OF THE UNIVERSITY OF GEORGIA FOOTBALL TEAM HAS BEEN ARRESTED DURING THE PAST YEAR .
THE JOKES ARE FLOWING ....
A lady in Athens calls 911. Hysterically, she says, 'Someone's just broken into my house, and I think he's going to rob me!'
The police officer says, 'We're really busy at the moment. Just get the guy's jersey number and we'll get back to you.' ________________________________________________________
Q: What is Mark Richt's biggest concern?
A: Does the NCAA count bail money as a recruiting violation? _____________________________________________________
Q: What do you call a drug ring in Athens?
A: A huddle. _____________________________________________________
Q: Four Georgia players are in a car, who's driving?
A: The police. ____________________________________________________
Q: Why can't most of the UGA players get into a huddle on the field?
A: It is a parole violation to associate with known felons. __________________________________________________
The University of Ga team has adopted a new Honor System: 'Yes,your Honor; No, your Honor'. _____________________________________________________
The Dogs are hoping for an undefeated season this year.... 11 Arrests, 0 convictions. ______________________________________________________
Q: How did the Dogs spend the first week of Spring Training?
MATT FAIRCHILD BREAKS DOWN THE BIG TEN AND GIVES HIS PREDICTIONS The Big Ten conference this year is basically Ohio State and a bunch of average to shitty teams. The SEC has beaten the living bag out of the conference for so long it looks like a lot of the elite talent in the Midwest is either going to play for the Buckeyes, going to play for Notre Dame, or going for greener pastures and warmer weather in the South and West. Don't get pissed off at the messenger because it's true. The Big Ten has been toilet paper for a while with the lone exceptions of the Buckeyes and Wolverines. So anyways let's take a look at the conference.
THE ELITE TEAMS:
OHIO STATE BUCKEYES-The Buckeyes return 19 starters and are the overwhelming favorite to win the conference. In my opinion they are so loaded there really is no reason for the other teams in the Big 11 to play them. Most games will be done by halftime and if they aren't it's only because the Buckeyes are not playing their top game. QB Todd Boeckman returns after an impressive junior campaign in which he lead his team to another murderous BCS Title game. Incoming freshman QB Terrelle Pryor looks like a Vince Young clone and should be used the way Florida used Tim Tebow in their National Championship season of 2006. Pryor is 6'6 and runs a 4.35 seconds forty yards so you can only imagine the look of fright opposing linebackers and defensive coordinators will have when Pryor breaks huddle behind center. Beanie Wells is the best runningback in the college game and if he stays healthy he has a good shot at the Heisman Trophy. A lot of people in Columbus think Beanie can eclipse the 2000 rushing yards mark this season and I wouldn't be surprised if he has over a 1000 yards in the first 4 games (Youngstown State, Ohio, and Troy are among the opponents). The two Brians at WR can stretch the field with Robiskie used as the big play threat deep and Hartline used as the short pattern strikes. The offensive line returns 4 starters with Steve Rehring and Alex Boone both capable of having All-American seasons. Incoming freshman RT Mike Adams looks like a future Orlando Pace so people shouldn't worry about him stepping in and the offensive line struggling. The defense of course is the Buckeyes bread and butter led by Butkus Award winning LB James Laurinaitis. The Little Animal comes back for his senior season and teams up with senior Marcus Freeman to form the best linebacker core in the nation. The defensive line and secondary units are elite too and the USC game at the LA Coliseum on September 13 should be the only hiccup in a rather weak Big Ten schedule although road games at Wisconsin and Illinois could be trap games. Coach Jim Tressel will have his team ready to rock this season and I would be absolutely shocked if they lost more than 1 regular season game.
THE CONTENDERS:
WISCONSIN BADGERS-Bret Bielema enters his third season at Wisconsin with 17 returning starters including explosive offensive playmakers PJ Hill and Travis Beckum. The Badgers have strong lines on both sides of the ball and have a chance to compete for the Big Ten title if Beanie Wells, the Little Animal, and about 5 others starters for the Buckeyes go down with injuries. I'm going to be honest here, I really can't remember the last time I watched the Badgers play football. Something about them just doesn't interest me. Sure, they are a cute little team up north but they have never been one of the most exciting teams to watch while you slug beer all day. The Badgers will win 10 games this season while not being a serious threat to play for a National Title but could squeak into a BCS game like Illinois did last year.
ILLINOIS FIGHTIN ILLINI-The Fighting Zooks are back and ready to prove last year was no fluke. QB Juice Williams has been Reggie Ball-like erratic with his passes his first two seasons but if he manages to get rid of the diaper and get the ball to WR Arrelious Benn then the Illini could accomplish many goals this season, one of them making another New Year's Day bowl. Losing RB Rashard Mendenhall is a killer because no matter how much Zook didn't like the kid he was the main reason why they managed to slide into the Rose Bowl last year. Replacing him will not be easy and as of now it looks like Daniel Dufrene will get to toke the rock starting with a huge game against Mizzou in St. Louis on August 30th. The team will play with a huge amount of confidence after beating the Buckeyes in Columbus and their defense could win a lot of games for them. CB Vontae Davis has first round talent and the defensive line is stacked with guys who can penetrate the gaps and create them as well for linebackers such as Martez Wilson. If Juice can continue to progress then this team could be top 15 material. If he struggles then this team will have a hard time winning the close games. I see 8 wins on their schedule.
PENN STATE NITTANY LIONS-Was WR Derrick Williams really the #1 overall prospect in the 2008 class? Talk about not living up to the hype coming out of Maryland Williams was thought of as an explosive playmaker who would change the way JoePa approached the game. Not so much. Williams enters his senior season looking to prove he can be one of the best players in the college game and with fellow WR Deon Butler it should give QB Daryll Clark some decent targets. The defense lost star linebacker Dan Connor to the draft and returning LB Sean Lee to an ACL injury this past spring. Linebacker U won't be the same and it will show. Luckily for the Nittany Lions they return all of their starters on the offensive and defensive lines and it should keep them in a lot of games where their skill positions don't match up to the opposition. Penn State will start 4-0 this season and everybody in the media will be jumping on their bandwagon only to fall off when JoePa goes through a midseason swoon against the likes of Illinois, Wisconsin, and Ohio State.
IOWA HAWKEYES-I'm just going on a hunch here with the Hawkeyes. I keep hearing about how great of a coach Kirk Ferentz is so I guess I'm buying into the hype. They have all five offensive linemen back with QB Jake Christensen coming off a good sophomore season in which he threw 17 TD's and only 6 INT's. The Hawkeyes schedule is rather weak so I could see them winning 9-11 games this year if the breaks fall their way. See, I have fallen for the hype.
MICHIGAN STATE SPARTANS-This team scares the shit out of me. They got a good coach, a good QB, an excellent RB, and a defense that can turn the ball over. They lost a lot of close games last season and were competitive with a chance to win every single game on their schedule. Don't be surprised if they are 7-0 heading into a home game against Ohio State on October 18th. Coach Mark Dantonio has brought back some discipline to a program that slipped under that crazy assbag they had before named John L Smith.
FALLING BACK TEAMS:
MICHIGAN WOLVERINES- The Skunkbears have disaster written all over them this year. Their offense will be a mess with only two returning starters and a new philosophy brought in by DickRod. The good news is the defense should be excellent with 7 starters returning with talent filling in the gaps. The defensive line returns all 4 starters. DickRod missed out on uber recruit Pryor to Ohio State and watched Ryan Mallett transfer to Arkansas and Chad Henne graduate during the offseason. Michigan literally doesn't have shit at QB. They have a transfer from Georgia Tech named Steven Threet who will bring his deer in headlights look up to Ann Arbor. I see 4-6 wins on their schedule.
PURDUE BOILERMAKERS-PurWHO, PurDON'T, PurBLOWS, whatever you want to call them won't compete for anything except mediocrity. Their goal every season is to win 7 games. Joe Tiller is in his last season before he starts auditioning for Quaker Oats spots.
TEAMS THAT SUCK AND BLOW AT THE SAME TIME:
NORTHWESTERN WILDCATS-Northwestern has 15 returning starters from a team that won 6 games last year but still it's Northwestern for Christ's sake.
INDIANA HOOSIERS-DE Greg Middleton and QB Kellen Lewis are studs while the majority of the rest are duds.
MINNESOTA GOPHERS-The Gophers were horrendous last year and while they should be improved this season they still blow.
BEST GAME: OHIO STATE AT USC (September 13th)-I know this isn't a conference battle but this should be the game of the year between two storied programs.
WORST GAME: CAL POLY AT WISCONSIN (November 22nd)-Seriously, who the fuck scheduled this game? Wisconsin has always been so boring to watch and now you throw in Cal Poly and I almost feel asleep trying to type these sentences.
MOST OVERRATED GAME: MICHIGAN AT OHIO STATE (November 22nd)-Only because these two programs will be polar opposites this season. The Buckeyes should absolutely destroy the Wolverines.
BEST OFFENSIVE PLAYER: Beanie Wells comes into this season as one of the favorites to win the Heisman for good reason: the kid can flat out run...
BEST DEFENSIVE PLAYER: Ohio State LB James Laurinaitis is a two time All-American who will be a first round draft pick.
BEST FRESHMAN: Ohio State RT Mike Adams is stepping in as a starter on a stacked offensive line and should establish himself as one of the best in the nation.
MOST LIKELY TO GET ARRESTED: Somebody who wears a Penn State uniform and/or Terrelle Pryor.
MOST LIKELY TO BE FIRED: Joe Tiller for having a Wilfred Brimley mustache. Oh wait, this is his last season before he retires. Good thing because he would probably be fired after Purdue again sucks it up in the second half.
PLAYER WHO WILL BE BETTER THAN WHAT PEOPLE THINK: Indiana QB Kellen Lewis can throw and run with the best of them and might have a Dennis Dixon type of season for the Hoosiers.
DOESN'T MAKE SENSE AWARD: Rich Rodriguez at Michigan. His offense doesn't fit in Ann Arbor and his coaching style will quickly get on the nerves of the Wolverine faithful. It will be entertaining to watch but I can't imagine DickRod lasting more than 5 years in the Maize and Blue.
THE WINNER IS: Ohio State by a landslide. No fucking questions asked. If you want to question it then take a look at the track marks on your arm and begin cleansing yourself with a cold shower.
-Frank Vitovitch of UHND thinks Notre Dame will face a much easier schedule in comparison to last year's brutal slate.
-TheBigLead wonders if Tiki Barber did actually call a colleague a Cunt. Eli Manning nods his head in approval.
-On205th has pictures of Megan Fox fondling her breasts. Can't say I blame her for feeling those sweater puppets.
-GeorgiaSports reveals it's pecking order for SEC coaches and surprisingly they have Coach Richt third behind Les Miles and Urban Meyer. WTF? Les Miles #1. I had no idea he was thought in such reverence amongst his opponents fans.
-Deadspin has a picture of one of the Chinese beach volleyball players playing grab ass with Kerri Walsh after the USA team won the gold.
-BarstoolSports wonders why Michael Phelps would choose to be on the cover of the Corn Flakes box and not Wheaties. I give you three words: money money money.
BUSTED COVERAGE has some new pictures of swimmer Michael Phelps enjoying his college days at the University of Michigan. The one above is of him and Brady Quinn exchanging phone numbers. These two are clearly planning a way to slay all the college poon they can while being famous athletes just out of the college grind of boozing and threesomes.
"Dude, we are going to get so much ass, I'm talking like crazy boy band ass!"
MATT FAIRCHILD BREAKS DOWN THE ACC AND GIVES HIS PREDICTIONS
The ACC has two divisions called the Garbage and Crap divisions. Both smell of pure shit and produce some of the most boring football one can bare to watch on Saturdays. Okay, maybe I am being a little harsh on the Atlantic Coast Conference but when I look back at the last two ACC Championships down in Jacksonville I really have nothing nice to say. The conference has sucked donkey balls. So with that being said here is your preview...
THE ELITE TEAMS:
CLEMSON TIGERS-Tommy Bowden's squad is going to swim or sink on the right arm of senior QB Cullen Harper. Harper had a great year as a junior in which he threw for 27 TD's and only 6 INT's. If he continues to play up to his standards or perhaps excels those numbers of last season then the Tigers could contend for a National Title, albeit a small chance. RB's James Davis and CJ Spiller form the most explosive tailback tandem in the nation and should be counted on this season for over 2500 yards rushing and 20 plus TD's. They are that good and should remind people of the great Cadillac and Ronnie Brown combo at Auburn that should have played for a National Title. The WR's are one of the conference best with Aaron Kelly and Jacoby Ford both having the ability to get behind defenses and make plays in the quick slant patterns. The offensive line is less experienced this season but has the talent to form a wall of protection for Harper and holes for Davis and Spiller to run through. The defense is loaded with experience and talent and look out for freshman DE Da'Quan Bowers. Bowers is a manbeast who enrolled early during the spring and is already being touted as one of the best freshman to play at Clemson. We will get to see if the production lives up to the hype but I expect big things from Bowers. Honestly the defense could be one of the best in the nation with players like Dorell Scott, Ricky Sapp, and Michael Hamlin all possessing the potential to earn All-American accolades this season. Of course one of the keys to Clemson football is the ability to finish off the season. Under Bowden Clemson has had a reputation for starting off really strong and then fading down the second half of the season. If Bowden can get his finger out of his ass and provide the Tigers with some inspired second half football this team could be top 5 material after the regular season in a relatively weak conference. The opening game against Alabama at the Georgia Dome (I will be tailgating at this one) could be their toughest game of the season. After that opening game they don't play a potential top 25 team till the final game against interstate rival South Carolina. But we all know, or last I think I know, Clemson will slip up somewhere against some pathetic team in which they should dominate. Prove me wrong baby Bowden.
THE CONTENDERS:
VIRGINIA TECH HOKIES- Does anyone outside of Hokie alumni actually enjoy watching this team play football? This team is so fucking boring to watch I really don't even enjoy mentioning them as a contender. We all know Frank Beamer's teams play great special teams. Awesome, I get hard just talking about special teams. See what I mean. RB Branden Ore got kicked off the team for being a lazy asshole. I read lazy asshole in the media guide for the Hokies so don't laugh, it's true. QB Sean Glennon is a white senior who can throw the ball and the other QB Tyrod Taylor is a black sophomore who can run the ball. Stereotypes is the name of the game with this team. Their out of conference schedule is garbage with East Carolina, Furman, Western Kentucky, and Nebraska all having the ability to be really bad this season. Throw in a horrible in-conference schedule and this team has the ability to win 9-11 games because all they play is retards. And by retards I mean mentally and physically challenged college football programs. In summation: fuck this team!
FLORIDA STATE SEMINOLES-Bobby Bowden is still alive and slowly destroying the empire he built. I know it's fun to watch as an outsider but you have to feel sorry for the Seminole Nation. Their tomahawks have gone limp. Their offensive line this season is young and inexperienced and could be in for some tough times but their defense should be solid with one of the best secondaries in the nation with the likes of Myron Rolle, Tony Carter, and Patrick Robinson. They have numerous players suspended for the first 3 games for a cheating scandal but they do have 15 starters returning which is the most since their 1999 National Title team. This team, like the past 6 or 7 teams could either be really bad in big games or really good. They have a senior QB in Drew Weatherford and a senior RB in Antone Smith who should provide leadership for which Pappa Bowden clearly has none anymore if ever. FSU will win 8 or more games.
WAKE FOREST DEMON DEACONS-The Deacons have one of the best coaches in the conference as Jim Grobe hopes to lead his team to a third straight winning season. They return 14 starters including QB Riley Skinner who lead the NCAA with a 72.4% completion percentage last season. RB Josh Adams had almost a 1000 yard rushing season and is back to break the defenses back so to speak. The defense basically returns every starter and they play their roles really well. If the Deacons get some breaks they could contend for a conference title despite being way less talented than Clemson. A huge Thursday night game against the Tigers awaits on October 9th which should determine who wins the conference. Don't underestimate Grobes program, they could be top 15 material.
NORTH CAROLINA TARHEELS-Butch Davis program should be one of the most improved teams in the nation. Much like what Ron Zook did at Illinois, Davis has brought in a ton of young football talent to a basketball rich school that could surprise a ton of folks this year. 18 starters return including dynamic offensive playmakers such as RB Greg Little and WR Hakeem Nicks. If they can upset VA Tech on September 20th they have a chance to win their side of the Coastal Division.
FALLING BACK TEAMS:
GEORGIA TECH YELLOW JACKETS- A whole new system comes in as proven college winner Paul Johnson takes over for the boring and uninspired coaching ability of Chan Gailey. RB Jonathan Dwyer will put up huge numbers in the option offense and QB Josh Nesbitt will have some bumps but should get better as the season progresses. The transition could be tough as GT has already suffered some transfers but there is little doubt in my mind Johnson will make GT a winner. Hell, he did at the Naval Academy so there is little reason why he can't make GT a perennial ACC powerhouse.
MARYLAND TERRAPINS-The Terps have a really good coach in Friedgen but just haven't been able to keep in-state recruit studs from leaving the state. Until they can they won't be a serious contender and will still be referred to as the TWERPS.
MIAMI HURRICANES-I just don't think Randy Shannon is the right fit at Miami as a head coach. He is over his head and it will show again this season as the Hurricanes suffer some embarrassing losses. The Canes have the talent to be one of the best teams in the nation but the heart and determination just isn't in the program right now. Complacency is a bitch.
TEAMS THAT SUCK AND BLOW AT THE SAME TIME:
NC STATE WOLFPACK-Sorry Tom O'brien but you return just 10 starters from a horrible team last year with no potential stars in the making.
VIRGINIA CAVALIERS-The Cavs surprised a lot of people last year by winning 5 games by 2 points or less. Luck won't be on their side this season with only 11 returning starters with major holes on both lines and QB.
DUKE BLUE DEVILS-They got themselves a great coach in David Cutcliffe so things can't get worse than 0-24 in ACC play since the conference was split in two divisions. Duke will win 3 or more games this season on coaching alone.
BOSTON COLLEGE-No more Matty Ice means no more wins.
BEST GAME: CLEMSON AT WAKE FOREST (October 9th)-This Thursday night battle on ESPN should be one of the most entertaining games in the ACC and will determine who wins the conference.
WORST GAME: NC STATE AT DUKE (November 8th)-Just thinking of this game being played gives me a bad case of diarrhea.
MOST OVERRATED GAME: FLORIDA STATE AT MIAMI (October 4th)-These games were always boring even when they were good back in the 90's. Yeah, yeah, screw the "Wide Right" snorefests.
BEST OFFENSIVE PLAYER: I'm a big CJ Spiller fan and I think if he stays healthy he is the best offensive player in the conference with a close second to Maryland's Darrius Heyward-Bey.
BEST DEFENSIVE PLAYER: Wake Forest's Alphonso Smith is one of the best pure cover corners in the nation.
BEST FRESHMAN: Clemson's Da'Quan Bowers will have a huge impact on the Tigers defensive line.
MOST LIKELY TO GET ARRESTED: Pick a Florida State Creminole out of a hat and there is a good chance he will have gotten arrested during his 4 years in Tallahassee. Let's just say Bowden runs a loose ship down there.
MOST LIKELY TO BE FIRED: If Clemson doesn't live up to their hype and finishes outside of the top 20 I think Tommy Bowden will get fired.
PLAYER WHO WILL BE BETTER THAN WHAT PEOPLE THINK: Georgia Tech RB Jonathan Dwyer will be a breakout star in Johnson's offense.
DOESN'T MAKE SENSE AWARD: The ACC shouldn't be this bad at football. I know it's traditionally a basketball conference but there is so much talent out there nowadays and the conference actually produces an enormous amount of NFL players that it should be able to compete with the SEC schools.
THE WINNER IS:
I have this feeling Clemson is going to roll over a lot of people this year. I have no empirical evidence since Tommy Bowden's teams are known to choke in the past but I get this feeling their talent will outweigh his ability to fuck it up. Clemson will win the conference and actually be really fun to watch this season while competing for a shot at the BCS Title game.
I really can not wait for football season to get here. The tailgate will start next Thursday as I plan on starting at around 4 PM down in Atlanta for the Paul Johnson regime to debut down in the Flats at Georgia Tech. The liver has been prepped, the wife has been warned, and the soul is ready to let loose on a great 2008 season.
As if dominating and capturing the eyes and hearts of billions of humans across the world wasn't enough with his brilliant 8 gold medal performance in Beijing, Olympic swimmer and Baltimore born and bred Michael Phelps is now ready to own the actual pools kids will be training in order to emulate himself according to the Baltimore Sun...
"My goal is to change the sport of swimming," Phelps told NBC's Nightly News anchor Brian Williams in an interview broadcast last night. "Bob and I are starting up a new business back in Baltimore with the pool that we just bought, so we're going to make some adjustments and see what we can do to take that sport to the next level."
Honestly right now Phelps could sell me anything after his unbelievably clutch performances of the past week and if he wants to take the sport of swimming to the next level I think he will. But let's be completely honest here and state that like Tiger Woods is to golf himself the sport of swimming will never see another Michael Phelps. Tiger sitting out of tournaments while recovering from knee surgery is killing the ratings of golf because people don't want to watch boring pasty white prep yuppies hit the links while scratching their ass and contemplating which Florida property they are going to buy next. They want to see Tiger and the only reason for me and billions of others give a damn about swimming is to see Phelps dominate. He is the face of the sport.
Phelps should instead look to purchase the Baltimore Orioles. I know it sounds like an outlandish idea but the kid is about to make 100's of millions in endorsements wants he gets back to the States. He has now become as much if not perhaps more of a face of a Maryland sports athlete to the young generation as Cal Ripken. By young generation I mean the under 20 crowd. If him and Ripken could pool together enough money with investors they could purchase the Orioles from Peter Angelos. Angelos seems to be on his final leg as owner and his mark as one has not been well received within the state of Maryland. People hate him including myself at times. Angelos isn't a bad man deep down. In fact he gives a lot back to the community in terms of donations. He cares and wants the Orioles to be a winning franchise and since he hired Andy MacPhail to make all the baseball decisions it seems the O's are in the process of getting things turned around with some good young talent waiting in the minors. But if he wants to leave an enduring legacy he needs to sell the franchise to a group of native Marylanders and a combo of Ripken and Phelps would be impossible to beat.
Of course this is all hypothetical as who knows if Phelps would really be interested in owning the Orioles. Right now he is living the dream of winning golds and should be banging everything in sight. Oh wait, that is my dream but you get the point.
Picture HT: My buddy MacG who seems to be so pitted lately via SteadyBurn
I've been busy as shit lately trying to play catch up in the magical rat race of internet sports blogging that I completely forgot to mention my wife got a new IPhone. I know, I know, who gives a shit but the features are really cool in comparison to my old clunker. I got to admit I'm a little jealous she has one while I suffer with this old technology in which AT&T says I'm not due for a cell phone upgrade until July 2009.
Fucking pricks.
Anyways, here is what I have been dealing with the past couple of days with my wife as she bitches about her IPhone features...
If you are wondering why there have been a lack of detailed posts lately it's not because I'm drunk and lazy which I will freely admit to since it is the case most of the time. Nope, it is because I am in Washington D.C. for the past two weeks working at the Legg Mason Tennis Classic. It's a regular paying job that benefits my daily beer habit. I felt I needed to appease you with some of the tennis highlights here...
Nothing like a grown man in a diaper to give a tribute to USC head coach Pete Carroll. Seems fitting and yes, I still hate USC with every single dying bone in my body even though I tend to like Will Ferrell. Fucking Trojans.
Horton's Hob Nailed Boot has received confidential pictures of what is the new UGA for the University of Georgia. The cute pup looks like the real deal and should enjoy one of the most successful reigns for an UGA with the football program well on it's way to national powerhouse under head coach Mark Richt. UGA VII, when hearing of the news knodded his head in approval knowing he won't have to lick his own nuts as many crazed Georgia fans will feel free to do it for him themselves.
On 205th has this great facial shot of a Water Polo Match gone terribly wrong. Don't worry about the young lady, she has a bright future ahead of her with a career in the waiting in Van Nuys, California.
Hungarian weightlifter Janos Baranyai had an unfortunate break in the Olympic weightlifting competition yesterday. Stop crying pussy, Michael Phelps would just swim it off.
Because I sure as shit am. Bring my college football and let me be.
Life begins or ends in 16 days.
For Georgia fans it might have already ended with the bad news of starting left tackle and Matthew Stafford's blind side protector Trinton Sturdivant is lost for the season.
