OKLAHOMA SOONERS LOSE NC GAME AGAIN, BAND MEMBER CRIES

I literally started crying when Fox put the camera on this robust Boomer Sooner band member while the Gators celebrated. The pain, anguish and grief in those eyes was so priceless I just couldn't help myself and I uncontrollably burst out in laughter so hard that tears were inevitable. Congratulations go to the Florida Gators for capturing their second National Championship in 3 years.

The Mormons in Utah are crying too. Undefeated and yet no chance to even play for a National Championship. Here is to the loyal Utes out there. You guys deserve better and in my book you are Champions.

BCS TITLE GAME PREDICTION: BLOWOUT

The Florida Gaytors are bigger, stronger, and a hell of a lot faster than the Boomer Sooners and play great in BCS bowl games. The Sooners have the Heisman curse on their shoulders as Sam Bradford will be getting hit plenty of times tonight. It remains obvious to most readers of this blog that I don't like the Gaytors. Living in Georgia you have to go with the home state team but I have some buddies who claim they are die hard Georgia fans. In fact some of them actually attended the school. So why in the hell are they rooting for the Gaytors tonight?

I never got the notion of rooting for a team in your conference to win because you think it will make your conference look better. Georgia fans should hate anything wearing jorts with striped royal and orange running down the sides and should never root for an arch rival to win. It just doesn't make any sense. If Florida wins it only helps them and not the SEC conference as a whole. Florida gets more exposure and gains more recruits from winning this game then Georgia ever will.

It would be like me rooting for USC or the Yankees to win just because it will make my favorite teams look better. Fuck that. You never root for the enemy. And any Georgia fan who reads this blog and disagrees with me should just leave now because I hate you already. Traitor.

Anyways, the Gaytors have a shitload of speed. In fact they got more speed than a young Artie Lange. They will be running through, over, and pass the poor Sooners all night. Hell, Florida is playing tonight in their home state in front of a ton of blue chip daddy recruits in the Miami area. They will be impressive and nobody will stop Tim Tebow.

Prediction: Florida 49 Oklahoma 27

Tomorrow the arguments will start about USC, Utah, and Texas deserving more of a shot at Florida instead of Oklahoma.

Also feel free to buy a GAYTORS OR OKLAHOMO shirt if you dislike either team. Actually, stop being lazy and just visit our STORE and buy a shitload of stuff to help boost the economy called my pocket change.

HEADLINE OF THE DAY: PORN INDUSTRY SEEKS $5 BILLION FEDERAL BAILOUT

Click here for the story. If they can bailout the auto industry why not porn? The average male probably watches more porn than he uses his car.

MATTIUS OHLUND WOULD LIKE HIS CHIN BACK

Can you say Don Flamenco?



Sheldon Souray made Ohlund look like his Mini Me dog. Watching this pathetic excuse of a NHL fight brought back memories of Mike Tyson's punchout with cheat codes...


NHL Fight Video HT: FanIQ

BACKUP COLLEGE JAGS OFF THEIR HEAD COACH

BC, Boston College, Backup College or whatever the hell you want to call them fired head football coach Jeff Jagodzinski for interviewing with the New York Jets. Athletic Director Gene DeFilippo called it the hardest day of his 12 year tenure but I beg to differ. The hardest day will be the cold hard reality that Boston College is not anybody's dream job nor will it ever be. DeFilippo needs to realize this and firing Jags for interviewing for NFL head coaching jobs is not necessary.

Jagoneoffski led BC to back-to-back ACC Title game losses in his only two seasons in Chestnut Hill after replacing Tom O'brien. His two year record of 20-8 is 8 games better than Charlie Weis at Notre Dame during the same period whom he beat twice and yet Weis still has a job. I can only imagine this will hurt BC in the long run trying to find replacement coaches when knowing that the BC job is nothing but a stepping stone for a better and more lucrative coaching job elsewhere. Talk to O'brien and Tom Coughlin when you get the chance DeFilippo.

MLB HOT STOVE ACTION

-Caught in the mess of the whole John Smoltz leaving Atlanta to go play for the Sux I forgot to mention that my other favorite team, the Baltimore Orioles, have agreed to a contract with Japanese pitcher Koji Uehara. Koji will be the #2 starter for the Orioles behind Jeremy Guthrie because the Orioles lack in proven starters but I think this is an excellent signing. The 33 year old has dominated MLB All-Stars in the past and throws strikes and rarely walks people. If you watched the Orioles pitching last year the one thing they couldn't do was throw strikes. I'm hearing the contract is guaranteed $10 million with incentives that could bring it up to $16 million. This is an excellent value for a guy like Uehara whom most major league hitters haven't seen and should be pretty successful his first season in Baltimore. He has a nasty forkball that dips in to right hand hitters and away from left handed hitters and his career strike out to walk ratio is an outstanding 7 to 1. He is the first Japanese player signed by the Orioles (last team in the AL East to do it) and it should help open up the doors for the O's in the Asian market. Of course I could come up with some Japanese jokes right now but since we have a Jap pitching for us now I don't think it would be appropriate for me to say I hope he screams Bonsai as soon as he unleashes a fastball into Mark Teixeira's neck. Here is some video of Uehara making fools of MLB stars like Barry Bonds and Jason Giambi...


-In other depressing news for a veteran ballplayer who will look weird in a different uniform comes the Trevor Hoffman signing in Milwaukee. Hells Bells will now go from sunny and beautiful San Diego to the harsh climate and bitter cold of Milwaukee. This is an excellent signing for the Brewers because Hoffman converted 30 of 34 saves last year for the Padres and despite losing Sabathia and Sheets they still have a chance to compete for the Wild Card. Still, it won't seem right to see Hoffman in any other uniform but the Padres. Besides Tony Gwynn I consider Hoffman the greatest Padre and he is a sure thing for the Hall of Fame.

-The Red Sox signed Rocco Baldelli. The guy has all the talent in the world but he can't stay healthy. He won't be asked to play everyday in Boston and is looked at as more of a luxury bench player in the way the Smoltz signing come about. Baldelli has played less than a 160 games combined the last 3 seasons but he grew up a Red Sox fan and took little money from what I hear for a one year contract with the chance to prove himself. At only 27 years old he could still develop into a steal for the Red Sox.

-The Atlanta Braves have turned their attention to free agent pitcher Derek Lowe. I could get excited about this but then I remembered the Braves have pretty much swung and missed all offseason trying to acquire more talent and Lowe and his agent are probably just using the Braves to get more money out of the Mets or some other team where he will eventually sign. How did the Braves become the laughingstock of baseball so fast? Oh yeah, Frank Fucking Wren. He managed to fuck the Orioles and now he figured why not throw another dagger into my emotions and go to the Braves and totally screw them for a few years.

HOUSTON'S VON WAFER VON SUCKS

It's one thing to get rejected by Dwight Howard or Josh Smith but it is a whole other thing to get rejected by the rim like Houston Rocket's Von Wafer did yesterday. Hey, I'm not going to lie and say I wouldn't screw up the dunk because right now I would get rejected easily by an 8 foot rim but this cat is in the NBA. Shouldn't he know his limits? Maybe he should just go to church leagues like I do and claim I'm just really big and bald for an 11 year old. I had a growth spurt at 10 sister. God made me this way father. Why won't you accept me for who I am?

Video HT: FanIQ

SAY IT AIN'T SO, SMOLTZIE!

The city of Atlanta, actually make it the Southeast region of the United States, will be in mourning today as the word spreads that John Smoltz will be pitching for the Boston Red Sox next season. The 8 time All Star and lifelong Brave will leave Atlanta after 20 years of an unbelievable career to pitch in Fenway Park. It just doesn't seem right but apparently the Red Sox offered him a contract he couldn't refuse. I don't know who to blame. I'm sad, angry, and frustrated right now. Smoltz should never have to wear another uniform besides the one with the tomahawk on it. Smoltz is the Atlanta Braves. The guy is at the end of his career but...ummm...I think I'm going to go throw up now. When did loyalty become taboo?

Have fun with those Chowderheads Smoltzie...


The next person that needs to leave the Braves is GM Frank Wren. I'm sorry but the guy is a fucking idiot and has no idea how to put together a successful team. I tried reaching Wren for comment on Smoltz leaving but apparently he was too busy. Word is he is on the phone with the New York Mets working a trade of Chipper in exchange for a Turner Field Stadium of empty seats, tears and broken promises. I haven't felt this duped since Bill Gates introduced Windows 98...

MICHIGAN'S BIGGEST FAN

The dog goes by the name of Ann Arbor. What a whore!

Image HT: Barstool Sports

DRUNK JOKE

WHY YOU NEVER QUESTION A DRUNK...

I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:

A half-gallon of 2% milk
A carton of eggs
A quart of orange juice
A head of lettuce
A 2 lb. can of coffee
A 1 lb. package of bacon

As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated, 'You must be single.'

I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since I indeed had never found Mr. Right. I looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about my selections that could have tipped off the drunk to my marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of me, I said, 'Yes you are correct. But how on earth did you know that?'



The drunk replied, 'Cause you're ugly.'


Joke HT: Kevin

HUNGER RELIEF: WHAT IT MEANS TO ME

JIM TRESSEL DOESN'T NEED YOUR HAND SHAKE MACK BROWN

The Sweatervest is giving Mack Brown the stiff Buckeye as he loses yet another BCS game. This makes it 6 straight BCS bowl losses for the Big Ten conference. Yeah, they suck.

Even Big Ten commissioner Jim Delaney admits the Big Ten is just not good after watching the Rose Bowl:

You look at it and ask: Did the players play hard, and were they prepared?" Delany asked. "Yes and yes. You know what? SC's a better football team. In all of the [bowl] games I've watched, I'm seeing us get beat by better teams.

"Then you say: Why is that? I don't have a great answer other than to say that these things tend to be cyclical."

No quotes were necessary after last night's Fiesta Bowl(DVD available here). The Big Ten still sucks.

Image HT: Deadspin

MLB HOT STOVE FINALLY HEATING UP

With the exception of the Spankees dishing out over $400 million for 3 players the MLB Hot Stove has been luke warm so far. That is until yesterday.

The Tampa Bay Rays got great value for free agent left fielder and now full-time DH Pat Burrell by signing him to a two year, $16 million contract. Burrell is an excellent fit in the Rays lineup and while he may not be the hitter that say a Mark Teixeira is you can not argue at $8 mil a season he is an incredible value signing and can put up similar numbers while being paid about $15 million less a season than that mercenary douche bag up in New York. Burrell has averaged over 30 home runs and 100 RBI's in his career and he should be able to drive in a ton of runs with upcoming superstars Evan Longoria and B.J. Upton due for breakout seasons and Carl Crawford and Carlos Pena being rock solid in a lineup that will now rival anybody in the American League. A lot of people want to assert that the Rays will be one year wonders with the mighty Red Sox and Yankees restoring hierarchy order this season but they are dead wrong. With the signing of Burrell to compliment the offense and the Rays already possessing a starting pitching rotation that is the deepest and most talented in the majors they should be the favorite to win the AL East in my opinion.

On the opposite side of a great value for a free agent signing is the apparent 3 year, $30 million dollar contract the Chicago Cubs dished out to get the walking nutcase that is Milton Bradley. I will agree that Bradley is a good player when he plays but the guy can't stay healthy and even gets injured when he is arguing with umpires. He clearly has anger management issues and I can only imagine how he will react when he gets taunted by the drunks in Wrigley. Actually, now that I think about it this could be the most entertaining story of the offseason. Bradley doesn't take criticism well and I can already see him exploding on Lou Piniella when sweet Lou so as much whispers to the media that he is disappointed in Bradley not giving a 100%. The Cubs are clearly the most talented team in the NL Central and should be the favorite to win the division this year but I think Bradley is going to be nothing but a distraction. If he can keep his mouth shut and stay healthy then it's a great signing but his history points to the opposite. Have fun Cubs fans.

The A's are reportedly close to bringing back Jason Giambi on a one year contract for just a little over $5 million. Giambi is old (37) but is still capable of hitting 25 plus home runs even off the juice and can drive in runs and get on base plenty of times with walks. The addition of Matt Holiday and Giambi this offseason adds a ton of punch to the middle of a rather pedestrian A's lineup. This signing won't make them the favorite to win the AL West but it does get them closer to the Angels and with some additional signings and/or trades they could overtake them this season.

The dominos should start to fall in place for other free agents like Adam Dunn, Garrett Anderson, Rocco Baldelli, Bobby Abreu, Manny Ramirez, Ben Sheets, Derek Lowe and others. We still have another 6 weeks till pitchers and catchers report to Spring Training but the players and agents for that matter should be getting antsy to get something done. With every day passed the market and value in a potential contract goes down.

When a man needs a blowjob, he NEEDS a blowjob!

Okay, I am not a big fan of copying and pasting from a website, but I'm going to have to do it this morning. I used to work for TNT many moons ago, and Sir Charles didn't disappoint on the set or during the breaks. The guy is a giant beast of a firecracker, and is a super friendly guy. I thought this story was great! It just goes to show you that a man will do just about anything to get some good head!
The following was taken from-
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2008/1231081barkley1.html


"DECEMBER 31--Following his arrest earlier today for drunk driving, Charles Barkley told Arizona cops that he ran a stop sign because he was in a hurry to pick up a girl who had "given him a 'blow job' one week earlier," which the former NBA star described as "the best one he had ever had in his life." According to a Gilbert Police Department report, a copy of which you'll find here, police asked Barkley where he was going at the time of the 1:26 AM traffic stop in Scottsdale. "You want the truth? I was gonna drive around the corner and get a blow job," answered Barkley, who is pictured in the below mug shot. A cooperative Barkley also joked with a civilian police employee that, "I'll tattoo your name on my ass" if it would get him out of the DUI charge. Barkley, 45, was busted after failing field sobriety tests, and had blood drawn so investigators could establish his alcohol content. Barkley was cited for a misdemeanor charge and released at the scene, thus avoiding a trip to the Maricopa County jail. Barkley, now a basketball commentator on TNT, was elected to the NBA Hall of Fame in 2006. His 16-year career included an MVP award and a spot on the 1992 U.S. Olympic basketball squad, the so-called Dream Team that captured the gold medal. He has several prior arrests, including a 1997 aggravated battery bust and a 1991 assault collar."

EMAIL OF THE DAY

Subject: Ann Arbor
From: *&#til@aol.com
To: matt@sportscrack.com
Date: Mon, 5 Jan 2009 5:58 pm
"Ann Arbor is a Whore"? Don't expect any Wolverine fans to buy any merchandise from you.

I love these type of emails because it gives me comfort to know that yes, no stinking Wolverine fan will ever buy merchandise from me. I don't think I would have it any other way. And with DickRod now roaming the sidelines in Ann Arbor I wouldn't expect too many people buying Michigan merchandise in the near future. Oh well, I guess I should feel kind of bad since I did sell a few Michigan helmets before Christmas. Nah!

UPDATE: Here is a picture from this year's ND-scUM matchup from a big fan of whomever plays Michigan...

He got laid multiple times from St. Mary's school girls after this picture was taken. The power of the Ann Arbor is a Whore shirt is known to cause an insatiable desire in women.

FIESTA BOWL PREDICTION

Yet another bowl game without any BCS Title implications but plenty of conference bragging rights at stake. As we know the Ohio State University has struggled to put it mildly in the past two BCS Championship games against SEC teams but this year they get the benefit of being a big traditional power and put into the Fiesta Bowl although they don't deserve it. They got crushed two years ago in the desert by Florida but before that they had won 4 straight games in the "Fiesta" Bowl. They come in looking to prove they belong in a BCS Bowl game and that the Big Ten isn't as slow and pathetic as most of the pundits think. One of those pundits being me.

The Texas Longhorns come in with a chip on their shoulder after being bypassed by Oklahoma for the Big 12 Title game and the BCS Title game. They want to prove they deserve to be considered the best team out of the Big 12 and in some people's minds a win against Ohio State would stamp a National Championship season. Not in the polls or trophy but in their burnt orange hearts. After seeing Mizzou struggle with Northwestern and Oklahoma State and Texas Tech play little to no defense in bowl losses this game will go along way in proving just how worthy the Big 12 was in getting the unofficial claim as toughest conference in the nation this year. If Texas comes out and lays an egg with Ohio State blowing them out and then Oklahoma gets throttled by Florida like I think they will on Thursday then all those ridiculous numbers that the QB's put up this year in the Big 12 will look artificial.

But tonight I don't think Texas will lose. The Longhorns have speed and playmakers on both sides of the ball and they will look to harass and cause Buckeye freshman QB Terrelle Pryor to throw some costly interceptions. The Buckeyes will either win closely or lose badly depending on Pryor's performance tonight. If he can just manage the game like Joe Flacco did yesterday for the Ravens and not have any turnovers and let their veteran defense do the talking then they have a good chance. But I don't see a freshman QB in the big game doing that. Pryor will be a stud but he is bound to make some mistakes tonight.

On the other hand Texas QB Colt McCoy is going against his toughest defense of the year. The Buckeyes will be blitzing nonstop and will do their best to keep McCoy in the pocket. If McCoy manages to get out of the pocket with space then the Buckeyes will be in for a long night. His receivers including his tight end are underrated and can stretch the field. Texas will go vertical early and often. The Buckeyes will look to establish a ground game behind elite RB Beanie Wells who is more than likely playing in his last game for the Scarlet and Gray. I think Wells will put up over 80 yards on the ground but it won't be enough.

Texas wins in the desert behind a brilliant performance from Colt McCoy.

Texas Longhorns 35
Ohio State Buckeyes 20

THE GOOD WIFE

I think this goes without saying but maybe all women could take this advice to heart and revise their New Year's resolution to become the good wife. I wonder what John McCain would think of "The Good Wife" video. Let's take a look...

MY THOUGHTS ON THE NFL PLAYOFFS

First off I wanted to state that I thought all 4 road teams would win this week. Unfortunately I was wrong and it further proves why I stopped betting this football season. The first game I watched was the Atlanta-Arizona clash at the University of BS Stadium in Glendale. I almost popped a blood vessel at all the bad calls going against the Falcons. Literally the refs were giving the Cardinals reach arounds the whole game. Don't believe me well then take a look...

The Cardinals were consistently offsides and because of this they got a lot of pressure on Matt Ryan and stuffed Michael Turner all day. I believe the refs only threw one flag for offsides all day and the Cardinals took advantage of two big plays and two big turnovers to win their first home playoff game since...oh shit...ever! They get the luxury of traveling to Carolina this weekend where they will be killed.

I see Tomlinson pulled his annual Vagina clap injury and stood on the sidelines as his backup Darren Sproles helped lead the Chargers to an improbable upset victory over the Indianapolis Colts. Sproles who if he borrowed high heels from LT's locker would be maybe 5'7 had over 300 all-purpose yards and the little guy proved he has more heart and grit than LT has on one of his stained thongs. People will now claim Peyton Manning is a choke artist in the playoffs after once again winning a regular season MVP and then pulling lame with a losing effort in the playoffs. I would not argue with it. Besides the year they won the Super Bowl thanks to Rex Grossman wearing the opposing uniform Manning has been very average come playoff time. The Chargers now advance to face the Steelers in Pittsburgh and have a good chance of upsetting them if they manage to keep Philip Rivers uniform somewhat stain free from a relentless defense.

The Ravens looked like the dominant team in the matchup with the Dolphins and forced Miami into 5 turnovers. Chad Pennington had Ed Reed on speed dial all day as the best defensive player in the game had two INT's while returning one for a TD. The Raven's defense will need to be on lockdown again as they travel to Tennessee to face a Titans team that will put a lot more pressure on rookie QB Joe Flacco. As long as Flacco doesn't turnover the ball then I expect the Ravens to win.

Donovan McNabb, Brian Westbrook, and Brian Dawkins came up with huge playoff performances once again as the Eagles beat the Vikings to advance to a NFC East showdown in East Rutherford. I think who ever wins the Eagles-Giants game will advance to the Super Bowl to represent the NFC, or as Sean Kennedy calls it the Triple A of football.

KATHY GRIFFIN HAS A DIRTY MOUTH

And I think I like it. Yes, she is disgusting and she was doing a New Year's Eve Show with Anderson Cooper on CNN but you have to give her a hand for this smackdown she gave on live air...


Video HT: WWTDD

RANDOM LATE CHRISTMAS VIDEO

I know this is a week late but I thought this video was priceless...