THE ROGER CLEMENS REPORT FROM THE MITCHELL INVESTIGATION
Well I just finished reading the part of the Mitchell investigation dealing with Roger Clemens. I will let you read it yourself before judging. Again this is straight ver batim from the Mitchell Report:

Roger Clemens
Roger Clemens is a pitcher who, from 1984 to 2007, played for four teams in
Major League Baseball, the Boston Red Sox (13 seasons), Toronto Blue Jays (2 seasons),
New York Yankees (6 seasons), and Houston Astros (3 seasons). He has won more than
350 games, seven Cy Young Awards, and was the American League Most Valuable Player in
1986. He was named to All-Star teams eleven times.
During the Radomski investigation, federal law enforcement officials identified
Brian McNamee as one of Radomski’s customers and a possible sub-distributor. McNamee,
through his attorney, entered into a written agreement with the U.S. Attorney’s Office for the
Northern District of California. The agreement provides that McNamee will cooperate with the
U.S. Attorney’s Office. No truthful statements can be used against McNamee in any federal
prosecution by that Office; if, however, he should be untruthful in any statements made pursuant
to that agreement, he may be charged with criminal violations, including making false
statements, which is a felony.
As part of his cooperation with the U.S. Attorney’s Office, and at its request,
McNamee agreed to three interviews by me and my staff, one in person and two by telephone.
McNamee’s personal lawyer participated in the interviews. Also participating were federal
prosecutors and agents from the F.B.I. and the Internal Revenue Service. On each occasion,
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McNamee was advised that he could face criminal charges if he made any false statements
during these interviews, which were deemed by the prosecutors to be subject to his written
agreement with the U.S. Attorney’s Office.
McNamee attended St. John’s University in New York from 1985 to 1989,
majoring in athletic administration. At St. John’s, he played baseball. From 1990 to May 1993,
he was a New York City police officer.
In 1993, McNamee met Tim McCleary, the assistant general manager of the
New York Yankees, who also had attended St. John’s. McCleary hired McNamee as a bullpen
catcher and batting practice pitcher for the New York Yankees. In 1995, McNamee was released
from his duties after Joe Torre was named the new Yankees manager. From 1995 to 1998,
McNamee trained “Olympic caliber athletes” outside of baseball.
In 1995, McCleary was hired as the assistant general manager for the Toronto
Blue Jays. In 1998, that club hired McNamee as its strength and conditioning coach, and he
served in that position from 1998 to 2000.
Roger Clemens signed with Toronto in 1997, after spending the first thirteen
years of his career with the Red Sox. After McNamee began working for the Blue Jays in 1998,
he and Clemens both lived at the Toronto SkyDome (there is a hotel attached to the stadium).
McNamee and Clemens became close professionally while in Toronto, but they were not close
socially or personally.
Jose Canseco was playing for the Blue Jays in 1998. On or about June 8-10,
1998, the Toronto Blue Jays played an away series with the Florida Marlins. McNamee attended
a lunch party that Canseco hosted at his home in Miami. McNamee stated that, during this
luncheon, he observed Clemens, Canseco, and another person he did not know meeting inside
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Canseco’s house, although McNamee did not personally attend that meeting. Canseco told
members of my investigative staff that he had numerous conversations with Clemens about the
benefits of Deca-Durabolin and Winstrol and how to “cycle” and “stack” steroids. Canseco has
made similar statements publicly.385
Toward the end of the road trip which included the Marlins series, or shortly after
the Blue Jays returned home to Toronto, Clemens approached McNamee and, for the first time,
brought up the subject of using steroids. Clemens said that he was not able to inject himself, and
he asked for McNamee’s help.
Later that summer, Clemens asked McNamee to inject him with Winstrol, which
Clemens supplied. McNamee knew the substance was Winstrol because the vials Clemens gave
him were so labeled. McNamee injected Clemens approximately four times in the buttocks over
a several-week period with needles that Clemens provided. Each incident took place in
Clemens’s apartment at the SkyDome. McNamee never asked Clemens where he obtained the
steroids.
During the 1998 season (around the time of the injections), Clemens showed
McNamee a white bottle of Anadrol-50.386 Clemens told McNamee he was not using it but
wanted to know more about it. McNamee told Clemens not to use it. McNamee said he took the
385 Jose Canseco, Juiced: Wild Times, Rampant ‘Roids, Smash Hits and How Baseball
Got Big 211-13 (Regan Books 2005).
386 Anadrol 50 is the brand name for oxymetholone and, according to a reference book
targeted at steroid abusers, “is considered by many to be the most powerful steroid commercially
available.” See William Llewellyn, Anabolics 2006 99 (5th ed. 2006). It can harm the liver and
produce pronounced androgenic side effects. Id. at 100.
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bottle and gave it to Canseco.387 McNamee does not know where Clemens obtained the
Anadrol-50.
According to McNamee, from the time that McNamee injected Clemens with
Winstrol through the end of the 1998 season, Clemens’s performance showed remarkable
improvement. During this period of improved performance, Clemens told McNamee that the
steroids “had a pretty good effect” on him. McNamee said that Clemens also was training harder
and dieting better during this time.
In 1999, Clemens was traded to the New York Yankees. McNamee remained
under contract with the Blue Jays for the 1999 season. In 2000, the Yankees hired McNamee as
the assistant strength and conditioning coach under Jeff Mangold. According to McNamee, the
Yankees hired him because Clemens persuaded them to do so. In this capacity, McNamee
worked with all of the Yankees players. McNamee was paid both by the Yankees and by
Clemens personally. Clemens hired McNamee to train him during portions of several weeks in
the off-season. McNamee also trained Clemens personally for one to two weeks during spring
training and a few times during the season. McNamee served as the Yankees’ assistant strength
and conditioning coach through the 2001 season.388
McNamee first learned about Kirk Radomski through David Segui during the
2000 season. Also that season, McNamee obtained Radomski’s telephone number from Jason
Grimsley. McNamee wanted to buy a Lexus, and Radomski had a connection with a Lexus
dealer. Radomski recalled that Grimsley was a frequent customer for performance enhancing
387 McNamee stated that he showed the bottle to Canseco because he thought that
Canseco was knowledgeable and he felt comfortable approaching him. According to McNamee,
Canseco volunteered to take the bottle.
388 In his own interview, Mangold was reluctant to discuss McNamee in any respect.
Mangold said that he was not aware of, and never suspected, any player of using performance
enhancing substances.
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substances, and he produced nine checks written by Grimsley to Radomski during 2001 and
2002 and fourteen checks in total.
According to McNamee, during the middle of the 2000 season Clemens made it
clear that he was ready to use steroids again. During the latter part of the regular season,
McNamee injected Clemens in the buttocks four to six times with testosterone from a bottle
labeled either Sustanon 250 or Deca-Durabolin that McNamee had obtained from Radomski.
McNamee stated that during this same time period he also injected Clemens four
to six times with human growth hormone he received from Radomski, after explaining to
Clemens the potential benefits and risks of use. McNamee believed that it was probably his idea
that Clemens try human growth hormone. Radomski instructed McNamee how to inject human
growth hormone. On each occasion, McNamee administered the injections at Clemens’s
apartment in New York City.
McNamee said that he and Clemens did not have any conversations regarding
performance enhancing substances from late 2000 until August 2001. McNamee did, however,
train Clemens and Andy Pettitte during the off-season at their homes in Houston. Clemens often
invited other major league players who lived in the Houston area to train with him.
McNamee’s training relationship with Clemens and others has been described
publicly. Peter Gammons reported during spring training 2001:
Brandon Smith, an apprentice trainer with the Yankees, describes Roger
Clemens’ day as follows: “He’s one of the first players in every morning,
runs, does his program with Andy Pettitte, does the team program
workout, goes to the weight room, leaves, plays 18 holes of golf and
finally meets (trainer) Brian McNamee at 6 .. . . and a few other players –
for another workout. It’s incredible how much energy Roger has.”389
389 Peter Gammons, Indians Expecting Better Year, espn.com, Mar. 11, 2001; see also
Gary Graves, Clemens on Fire with Desire; Rigorous Workouts Keep 38-year-old All-Star
Sharp, In Shape, USA Today, July 10, 2001, at C3.
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According to McNamee, Clemens advised him in August 2001 that he was again
ready to use steroids. Shortly thereafter, McNamee injected Clemens with Sustanon or Deca-
Durabolin on four to five occasions at Clemens’s apartment. According to McNamee, he again
obtained these drugs from Kirk Radomski. McNamee concluded from Clemens’s statements and
conduct that Clemens did not like using human growth hormone (Clemens told him that he did
not like the “bellybutton shot”). To McNamee’s knowledge, Clemens did not use human growth
hormone in 2001.
McNamee was not retained by the Yankees after the 2001 season. After that
season, Clemens never again asked McNamee to inject him with performance enhancing
substances, and McNamee had no further discussions with Clemens about such substances.
McNamee stated that Clemens did not tell him why he stopped asking him to administer
performance enhancing substances, and McNamee has no knowledge about whether Clemens
used performance enhancing substances after 2001.
During the years that McNamee stated he facilitated Clemens’s use of steroids
and human growth hormone, McNamee’s discussions with Clemens about use of these drugs
were limited. McNamee assumed that Clemens used performance enhancing substances during
the second half of the season so that he would not tire, but they did not discuss this directly. It
was Clemens who made the decision when he would use anabolic steroids or human growth
hormone. McNamee stated that he tried to educate Clemens about these substances; he “gave
him as much information as possible.”
Clemens continued to train with McNamee after he was dismissed by the
Yankees, according to both McNamee and press reports. In October 2006, after the Los Angeles
Times reported that the names of Clemens and McNamee were among those that had been
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redacted from an affidavit in support of a search warrant for the residence of Jason Grimsley as
allegedly involved with the illegal use of performance enhancing substances, Clemens was
reported to have said: “I’ll continue to use Mac [McNamee] to train me. He’s one of a kind.”390
McNamee was quoted in a December 10, 2006 news article on steroids as
reportedly having said: “I never, ever gave Clemens or Pettitte steroids. They never asked me
for steroids. The only thing they asked me for were vitamins.”391 McNamee told us that he was
accurately quoted but that he did not tell the truth to the reporter who interviewed him. He
explained that he was trying to protect his reputation.
On May 15, 2007, the New York Daily News reported that Clemens had cut ties
to McNamee.392 McNamee denied that and told us that he trained Clemens after the article was
published. He added that Clemens now has a home in the New York area, and McNamee
personally installed a gym there.
McNamee stated that he has no ill will toward Clemens and “was always ahead
[financially] with Roger.” McNamee received money for expenses from Clemens’s business
representatives. They paid McNamee for training Clemens, and for his expenses. From time to
time Clemens also gave McNamee “extra money.” Clemens never gave money to McNamee
specifically to buy performance enhancing substances.
Kirk Radomski recalled meeting McNamee through David Segui. Radomski
confirmed that he supplied McNamee with human growth hormone and anabolic steroids from
390 Jack Curry, Cloud Over Clemens’s Finale: He and Pettitte Deny Report, N.Y. Times,
Oct. 2, 2006, at D1; Lance Pugmire, The Nation; Clemens Is Named in Drug Affidavit,
L.A. Times, Oct. 1, 2006, at A1.
391 See William Sherman and T.J. Quinn, Andy Totes Baggage to Bronx, N.Y. Daily
News, Dec. 10, 2006, at 56. McNamee’s interactions with Pettitte are discussed below.
392 Christian Red with T.J. Quinn, Roger Seeking Workout Help, N.Y. Daily News,
May 15, 2007.
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2000 to 2004. Although McNamee never told Radomski the performance enhancing substances
obtained were for anything other than McNamee’s personal use, Radomski concluded that
McNamee was distributing the substances to others based on the amounts he purchased and the
timing of the purchases.
Radomski knew McNamee was acting as personal trainer for Roger Clemens,
Andy Pettitte, and Chuck Knoblauch (among others), and he suspected McNamee was giving the
performance enhancing substances to some of his clients. Occasionally, McNamee
acknowledged good performances by Knoblauch or Clemens by “dropping hints,” such as
“[h]e’s on the program now.” McNamee never explicitly told Radomski that either Clemens or
Pettitte was using steroids or human growth hormone. According to Radomski, however,
McNamee asked Radomski what types of substances Radomski was providing to pitchers.
Radomski delivered the substances to McNamee personally. Radomski recalled
numerous performance enhancing substance transactions with McNamee. Radomski also
sometimes trained some of McNamee’s non-professional athlete clients.
Radomski produced four checks from McNamee that were deposited into
Radomski’s checking account and drawn on McNamee’s checking account.393 All the checks
were dated in 2003 and 2004, after McNamee said that he supplied Clemens, Pettitte, and
Knoblauch. McNamee said these purchases were for non-baseball clients.
McNamee’s name, with an address and telephone number, is listed in the address
book seized from Radomski’s residence by federal agents. Radomski’s telephone records show
twelve calls to McNamee’s telephone number from May through August 2004. Radomski was
393 One of the checks, in the amount of $2,400, includes a memo stating “Loan Repay
Sub.” Radomski confirmed that he never loaned McNamee any money and that the check had
been for one-and-a-half kits of human growth hormone.
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unable to obtain telephone records dating back to the time when, according to McNamee,
McNamee was injecting Clemens.
Clemens appears to be one of the two people associated with baseball – Andy
Pettitte is the other – who have remained loyal to McNamee after he left the Yankees.394
Clemens has remained a source of income for McNamee up to and including 2007.
Prior to my interviews of McNamee he was interviewed by federal officials on
several occasions, during each of which they informed McNamee that he risked criminal
prosecution if he was not truthful. I was advised by those officials that on each occasion he told
them about the performance enhancing substance use of Clemens, Andy Pettitte, and Chuck
Knoblauch (Pettitte and Knoblauch are discussed below).
In order to provide Clemens with information about these allegations and to give
him an opportunity to respond, I asked him to meet with me; he declined.

READ THE FULL MITCHELL REPORT RIGHT HERE.

Here is a list sent to us from Deadspin.com which looks similar to mine I posted a couple of months ago. Some guys who are obviously missing from the list at first glance include the Giles brothers, Luis Gonzalez, and Greg Vaughn.

Brady Anderson
Manny Alexander
Rick Ankiel
Jeff Bagwell
Barry Bonds
Aaron Boone
Rafael Bettancourt
Bret Boone
Milton Bradley
David Bell
Dante Bichette
Albert Belle
Paul Byrd
Wil Cordero
Ken Caminiti
Mike Cameron
Ramon Castro
Jose and Ozzie Canseco
Roger Clemens
Paxton Crawford
Wilson Delgado
Lenny Dykstra
Johnny Damon
Carl Everett
Kyle Farnsworth
Ryan Franklin
Troy Glaus
Rich Garces
Jason Grimsley
Troy Glaus
Juan Gonzalez
Eric Gagne
Nomar Garciaparra
Jason Giambi
Jeremy Giambi
Jose Guillen
Jay Gibbons
Juan Gonzalez
Clay Hensley
Jerry Hairston
Felix Heredia, Jr.
Darren Holmes
Wally Joyner
Darryl Kile
Matt Lawton
Raul Mondesi
Mark McGwire
Guillermo Mota
Robert Machado
Damian Moss
Abraham Nunez
Trot Nixon
Jose Offerman
Andy Pettitte
Mark Prior
Neifi Perez
Rafael Palmiero
Albert Pujols
Brian Roberts
Juan Rincon
John Rocker
Pudge Rodriguez
Sammy Sosa
Scott Schoenweiis
David Segui
Alex Sanchez
Gary Sheffield
Miguel Tejada
Julian Tavarez
Fernando Tatis
Mo Vaughn
Jason Varitek
Ismael Valdes
Matt Williams
Kerry Wood

4 HOURS TILL THE MITCHELL REPORT
I guess I am one of the few people who actually can't wait to see the names that are on Senator Mitchell's report. I want the sport cleaned up and I want to know what Mitchell has to say. I presume he will have scathing remarks about the player's union and the commissioner's office for sweeping the whole steroid issue under the rug for so long. But I also want to give a big shout out to all the writers who so blindly turned their back and did not report what they suspected years ago. Writers like Peter Gammons who think the Mitchell Report will do nothing because they didn't have the balls to report it in the first place.

One of the biggest names has supposedly been leaked and it's none other than Roger Clemens. No big shocker there, he was one of the players I named a while back. Automatically for me this disqualifies Clemens for the Hall of Fame. I don't want to hear the argument from sympathizers saying "but steroids wasn't a banned substance in baseball!". I don't give a rat's ass if it was or not because I know it is banned by our country to possess without a proper prescription. Getting them from a jerk off ball boy is not a pharmacist. If we are going to shit on Barry Bonds for ruining the integrity of the game then we need to do the same thing to Clemens. He is as much at fault with this drug culture as anybody.

Anyways, I will wait to hear the final report from Mitchell before talking about this anymore.

Oh yeah, good trade by the Baltimore Orioles yesterday sending Miguel Tejada(interesting timing) to the Astros for 5 players. Lefty Troy Patton could become a solid 2-3 starter in the league and the O's needed to start fresh by getting rid of some heavy salaries. Erik Bedard is next but to whom I have no idea.

ARTHUR BLANK FIRES BACK
Not knowing Blank on a personal level I was hoping during his press conference today he would go ape shit on Bobby Petrino and his inexcusable resignation. I was imagining some foul language and some long deep deadly stares into the camera while promising he would find Petrino one day on the street and rip his soul from his godless body. In video form something like this...

But instead of him going ballistic he responded like a reasonable human being unlike myself. The fact that Blank has had to deal with two lying butt darts in Vick and Petrino and yet came off cool, collected, and better off without them is a sign of a great man. The Falcons were never going to be a SuperBowl calibre team with Petrino at the helm. Sure it's in hindsight, but how can a franchise hire somebody like Petrino who is just a mercenary coach who loves to slither off for another job? It's all on GM Rich McKay now. Blank needs to start with a clean slate for the Falcon's franchise and one of his first moves should be to find a new GM. McKay alone has hired two coaches who failed in developing a winner and part of that is his personnel decisions. If I was Blank I would have fired McKay before the press conference today. Instead Blank stood by him. One has to wonder how many times Blank can get fucked over till he finally realizes the "right pieces" are not in place to build a winning franchise.

Here is Blank's comments today regarding Petrino's "betrayal"...


After listening to the whole press conference I am 100% in support of Blank. The man desperately wants to build a winner that the community of Atlanta and Falcon's fans can take pride in. I hope he finds the right guy and it starts with replacing McKay with somebody capable of building a winning franchise.

WOW, THE SHITBAG TALKS AND SMILES

This is the first time where I have felt actually sorry for the people of Arkansas. How do you cheer for a guy who will leave at the drop of a hat from a job which he proclaimed just months earlier to be his dream job? And did I hear mooing in the background or is that just the universal form of communication in AR-Kansas?

I know a lot of people who hate Nick Saban for the shit he pulled on LSU and the Miami Dolphins but Petrino has to be the new #1 piece of lying shit on the planet. Seriously, why would any university want this guy leading young men into battle when he is such a fucking quitter? Just looking at him in that press conference smiling and acting like nothing is wrong with the way he left the Atlanta Falcons makes me want to bathe in vinegar.

I know Arthur Blank is a multi billionaire and obviously knows how to run a business but if he has any sense left in him he will start cleaning out the mess that is the Atlanta Falcon's front office. GM Rich McKay has made so many atrocious decisions in free agent signings and draft picks over the past few seasons I don't see how he can keep his job. McKay couldn't peel a fucking banana if he was a monkey. There is no reason for him to mess around in Atlanta anymore. Let him go do better things like run for baseball commissioner or be the bucket boy at a jack shack. Oh never mind, he would totally fuck those things up too.

BOBBY PETRINO IS GARBAGE
Bobby the Snake Petrino just dumped the Falcons to take the head coaching job for the Arkansas Razorbacks. Another brilliant move by GM Rich McKay and owner Blank, Petrino should fit in perfectly with the Sabans and Meyers of the SEC. By fitting in I mean he is a cocksucking a-hole who likes his ass wiped in circles while being fed baby seal blubber.

Hopefully this was a worked out trade in which the Falcons get Darren McFadden in the NFL draft.

HOCKEY TALK
I just realized I haven't talked about hockey all season. Part of the reason is there has been nothing really exciting to talk about. My Thrashers have rebounded back to .500 hockey after a terrible start in which they fired their coach and replaced him with the GM. One of the Neidermeyers is coming back to Anaheim. The Detroit Red Wings are kicking ass in their filthy crime stricken shit hole of a city covered by dirty pee snow that reeks of manure and hooker spit.

But the real important reason to talk about the NHL is for the fans. It's the only sport outside of Nascar (haha..Nascar a sport, funny isn't it?) where you fit in sporting a mullet. Take for instance this wonderful inbred at a New York Islanders game...

Every Boy Scout in America just thought to themselves "is that my Troop leader?"
What are the odds he passed out in the concourse shortly after and urinated all over himself? I'm going to say the odds are good, maybe a 90% probability. By the way if you want to know what a Michigan Wolverine fan looks like then take another look. There is a reason why Les Miles is hesitant to take the job. Fear the Mullets!

VIDEO HT: WithLeather

ARTHUR BLANK HOPES VICK DOESN'T EAT TOO MUCH FRIED CHICKEN
I was one of the few people last night who actually watched the whole Monday Night debacle of a football game and I thought I was drunk or hallucinating when I heard Falcon's owner Arthur Blank say "fried chicken" in reference to Michael Vick. Apparently I heard it right...

Honestly I could think of a million jokes to say right now but I think I will keep my mouth shut. I'm not going to lie though, I have a serious craving for some watermelon right now. I always thought Blank looked like one of those dirty used car salesmen but after watching this he comes off worse in my mind. I'm sure Blank's statement was more of a Freudian slip of the tongue but you know deep down inside Blank really wants to just smack Vick with his $1000 lion skin glove across the face and tell him "to get the fuck out of here."

And what was up with Roddy White displaying a shirt underneath his jersey that displayed "Free Mike Vick." Free him from what? I guess his own stupidity because he lied to everybody including the federal government about his involvement with killing dogs. I know they are just backing up their former teammate but it kind of sickened me to realize that some people still don't think what he did was wrong.

I'm going to say it once more and that's it: Vick is a degenerate liar, a felon, and a puppy killer! He deserves to be in jail and even he realizes it now. So please stop backing up this piece of garbage saying he got a raw deal and pointing out how guys like O.J. and Jayson Williams got off for far more hideous crimes. Just because two jack asses got a free pass doesn't mean Vick deserves too.

VIDEO HT: AwfulAnnouncing

RANDOM JOKE
A man enters the hospital for a circumcision. When he comes to after the procedure, he’s perturbed to see several doctors standing around his bed.

“Son, there’s been a bit of a mix-up,” admits the surgeon. “I’m afraid there was an accident, and we were forced to perform a sex-change operation. You now have a vagina instead of a penis.”

“What!” gasps the patient. “You mean I’ll never experience another erection?”

“Oh, you might,” the surgeon reassures him. “Just not yours.”

MICHAEL VICK GOING TO PRISON FOR 23 MONTHS
The sad conclusion that is Michael Vick's life came to an apex today as he was sentenced to 23 months in federal pound him in the ass prison. Who would have thought a year ago that Marcus would be looked at as the good child in the family? Well, there he was holding and hugging his weaping mother as the sentence was called out today in court for his once superstar brother.

Now that Vick is gone for almost two years maybe now the Atlanta Falcons can move on and actually build a winning franchise without a felon leading the way. I've attended two Falcon games this year and I can say just by looking at the lack of notable players retired in the Falcon's Ring of Fame and also only 3 banners hanging without a single SuperBowl victory in their 40 plus years as a franchise that Vick isn't the reason why the Falcons suck. They suck because they have been a horrible run franchise forever and even since Arthur Blank bought them. They made a terrible decision in putting all their eggs in one basket with Vick and it has cost them.

Also it's time for the Falcons to fire GM Rich McKay. He has made so many bad personnel decisions during his time in Atlanta I'm not sure why people considered this guy as a viable replacement for NFL commissioner.

Anyways, Falcons fans pretty much reacted like this today when hearing of the Vick sentence....

Word out of St. Louis from Post Dispatch writer Joe Strauss is that the Cardinals are going after Orioles ace Erik Bedard. The catch is that in order to get the lefty they would have to literally give up the farm for him. This means giving up Colby Rasmus their center fielder of the future. If you havent heard anything about Colby he is a 20 year old stud. He has 5 tool talent, but that isn't even the best part. The guy is a true gym rat that loves to play his heart out each and every day. He is a coaches dream to be able to coach and he will be a fan favorite instantly. Especially in a city like St. Louis. Chances are real good that he will make it to the big leagues before he is able to legally throw back some Budweisers. On a team where you have most of your salary locked up into Phat Albert you have to keep your young studs who will be cheap for a good 5 years.

Rasmus won't be the only guy they have to give up. When I talked about giving up the farm I meant it. The Cardinals are known for having a weak farm system and the Orioles are asking for every top prospect that they have in return for their Canadian hurler. This includes future closer Chris Perez. This guy, who I feel is major league ready right now, is a natural closer which is tough to find nowadays. Then there is a young power hitting catcher and their best lefty starter Jaime Garcia.
That is quite a large bounty for power arm lefty who is injury prone.

My plea to John Mozeliak is to hold on to the youngsters that you have. Don't build for one or two good years. Build for a dynasty.

Go Cards

MAYWEATHER VS. HATTON

Before the fight took place I thought Ricky Fatton Hatton was going to knock out Mayweather in the 10th round. Well, at least I had the round correct. Mayweather proved to be the best pound for pound fighter last night by destroying the previously undefeated Hatton with lightning quick jabs and hooks that left the Brit dazed and confused. After watching Mayweather's dual a few months back with De La Stockings I thought he was just a dancer(all though I was reminded by Kevin, the host of the party numerous times of Mayweather's appearance on Dancing with the Stars) but found out last night he is the real deal.

Last night's fight lived up to the hype. It was exciting to hear the pro-Hatton crowd chanting throughout the night. It reminded us of the explosive showdown's in golf between Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson. You know, just like it but the complete opposite with people who actually care about who is competing.

And for anyone wondering and I'm sure you were not, yes, I was rooting for Hatton before the fight started. I like guys who love to drink and eat during their offseason regime and are easily approachable. But after hearing all those drunk, dickhead Brits boo the National Anthem before the first punch was thrown I was 100% in Mayweather's corner.

CFB DEFENSIVE ALL-AMERICAN TEAM
My apologies for the delay in revealing the Sportscrack defensive All-American team but the Mexican food down here in Atlanta is fighting an endless war with Bowel movements. Again I watched a lot of video, read a lot of articles, and got some insight from Youporn.com in between screaming at AT&T for their shitty customer service. Just another day in the life my friends!

DEFENSIVE LINE

Glenn Dorsey(LSU Tigers)-The big defensive tackle down on the Bayou has wrapped his mitt around almost every single defensive award this season and there is no reason to leave him off this one. His effectiveness was derailed during the Auburn game when some douchebag O-lineman tried to cut his future NFL whore loving life away by one chop block. But Dorsey never bitched and moaned and instead kept trying to play. I like those type of players.

Trevor Laws(Notre Dame)-Big Trev led the nation in defensive lineman tackles with 112. Playing with a motor that never stops, Laws was one of the few bright spots on the Fighting Irish this season. If the Irish had 21 other players play with the type of heart, hustle, and emotion that Laws displayed all season then they could have been a bowl team. Simply putting it: Laws was a blood thirsty beast among chickens.

Chris Long(Virginia)-A force at defensive end all season, Howie's son racked up 14 sacks and destroyed opponents QBs and RBs. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if he hurt a lot of O-linemen's feelings and left them wondering if playing football is the best career choice for them. Long is a great one and will be a force at the next level.

George Selvie(South Florida)-Selvie came out of nowhere to lead the nation with 31 1/2 tackles for loss this season. Unstoppable off the end, Selvie played and hustled himself into a top draft pick in 2008.

Vernon Gholston(Ohio State)-Vernon made it impossible not to take 5 defensive lineman for the first team All-American. He was unstoppable all season and made Michigan's Jake Long look like a little school girl who just got her lolli-pop stolen. Oh yeah, he had 13 sacks this season to rank 4th in the nation. Only a junior, I believe he played himself up to a top 15 pick if he decides to leave Columbus early.

Honorable mention: Greg Middleton(Indiana), Bruce Davis(UCLA), Maurice Evans(Penn State), Greg Hardy(Ole Miss), Sedrick Ellis(USC)

LINEBACKERS


Dan Connor(Penn State)-Another link in the great Penn State chain of stellar linebackers. Connor proved he could take over a defense this season and has lived up to the hype he received coming out of high school. A sure fire first round draft pick.

James Laurinaitis(Ohio State)-A force to be reckoned with ever since he stepped foot on campus his freshman season, the Little Animal might be the best linebacker ever to play in a Buckeye uniform. It will be interesting to see if he comes back next season to play for a top 5 Buckeye team or leave for the NFL.

Jordon Dizon(Colorado)-This Hawaiian bred player has recorded 270 tackles the past two seasons in Boulder. A fast and fluid player, Dizon is a sure tackler who plays the position the way it should be played: 100% hustle all the time.

J Leman(Illinois)-A tackling machine, Leman again led the Illini in tackles with well over a 100 for the season. Maybe not the most gifted but the kid plays with a lot of heart on the field and is a big reason why the Fighting Zooks are playing in the Rose Bowl. And no, the Illini do not deserve to be playing there but that is another conversation.

Honorable mention: Erin Henderson(Maryland), Shawn Crable(Michigan), Curtis Lofton(Oklahoma), Jonathan Goff(Vanderbilt)

SECONDARY

Antoine Cason(Arizona)-The definition of a shut down corner, Cason won the Thorpe Award for the best defensive back in the nation. Cason finished with five interceptions, 14 pass breakups, two forced fumbles and a sack during his senior season.

Aqib Talib(Kansas)-A jack of all trades player, Talib played both cornerback and wide receiver for the upstart Jayhawks. This kid is a ball hog and one of the main reasons why Kansas played themselves into a top 10 team. That and playing a horrible schedule.

Craig Steltz(LSU)-A strong safety force for the Tigers all season, he is essentially the quarterback for their defense. The kid makes plays all over the field and is a big game player.

Jamie Silva(Boston College)-People in Boston and Massachusetts might not give a rat's ass about BC, but that doesn't mean Silva is not worthy of being regarded as one of the top safeties in the nation. Almost crazy to think two white dudes made the secondary but after this season nothing really makes sense.

Honorable mention: Alphonso Smith(Wake Forest), Malcolm Jenkins(Ohio State), Taylor Mays(USC), William Moore(Missouri)

SPECIAL TEAMS

Punter
Durant Brooks(Georgia Tech)-He kicks it the farthest and can directional kick it to pin opponents deep in their zone.

Honorable mention: Kevin Huber(Cincinnati)

Placekicker
Thomas Weber(Arizona State)-Only missed one kick all season.

Honorable mention-Louie Sakoda(Utah)

Kickoff Returner
Jeremy Maclin(Missouri)-Returned two punts and one kickoff for touchdowns this season as a freshman.

Honorable mention-Felix Jones(Arkansas)

Punt Returner
Leodis McKelvin(Troy)-Lead the nation with 3 punt returns for touchdowns.

Honorable mention-Desean Jackson(Cal)

CHRISTIAN NUT JOB KURT WARNER JOINS GANG

I always knew Warner was Lucifer's son. How else can one explain going from supermarket bag boy to SuperBowl MVP winning QB in a matter of years? And just to prove he plays on the dark side he is promoting gangs to kids. What a dickface! Stay away Warner and tell your psycho wife we don't take kindly to evil spiky hair lesbians down in these parts. At least that is what all the good wholesome Christians tell me when they think I'm a lady living with my girlfriend.

Video HT: Deadspin

GEORGIA TECH HIRES PAUL JOHNSON
The Yellow Jackets finally hit one out of the ballpark with this hiring. Johnson is a great coach and has made perennial winners out of Georgia Southern and the Naval Academy so the chances of him getting Tech over the 7 win a year hump is good. Johnson is suppose to be announced at 5:30 today with a contract of 6 years at a reported $16 million plus over the term.

If there was one thing fired coach Chan Gailey could do it is recruit athletes. Johnson will be entering a Tech program who desperately wants to beat their arch rival Georgia whom they have lost 7 straight.

It still baffles me that Michigan didn't try to get Johnson. Of course Michigan alumni and fans will tell you they never wanted him and while that may be true the person Johnson reminds me of is Jim Tressel coming out of Youngstown State. A lot of people thought Tressel couldn't succeed at Ohio State because he was going from 1-AA to D1 and he wasn't energetic enough for Big Ten football. Well, all I know is Tressel is one of the top 5 coaches in all of college football and I believe Johnson is on that path. If you can make Navy a winner you can pretty much succeed where ever you go.

By the way, I heard Michigan is still trying to hire the ghost of Bo after being turned down by Les Miles, Greg Schiano, Kirk Ferentz, and a slew of other candidates.

SPORTSCRACK CFB ALL-AMERICAN TEAM
This bizarre, ass backwards season has made no sense but hopefully this All-American list does. I went through all the stats, the level of importance the player had to his team, and watched a lot of video and read a lot of articles on the players. Again, this team is based on performance this season and not in the past. So here you go, this is the offensive side of the ball so feel free to curse and laugh all you want.

QUARTERBACK

Tim Tebow(Florida Gators)-This was probably the biggest no brainer for me. The kid has redefined the position and dominated the toughest conference in all of college football. He has a combined 51 touchdowns and is a tough son of a you know what. He should win the Heisman but if he doesn't it's only because the old farts who vote are too set in their ways.

Honorable mention-Chase Daniel(Missouri)

RUNNINGBACKS
Darren McFadden(Arkansas Razorbacks)-I don't think I really need to explain this one. More than likely the best player in the country when he isn't taking games off, D-MAC should be the first pick in the NFL Draft. By the way, I like him more than Adrian Peterson coming out last year.

Kevin Smith(Central Florida)-2448 yards is an insane number for a rushing total by a runningback. Even more insane is the amount of carries Smith got: 415! He also had a LT like 30 total touchdowns.

Honorable mention-Jonathan Stewart(Oregon), Rashard Mendenhall(Illinois)

WIDE RECEIVERS

Michael Crabtree(Texas Tech)-He set a NCAA freshman record with 21 TD catches while leading the nation in catches(125) and receiving yards(1861). Umm, yeah, he is a for sure, no questions asked All-American.

Jordy Nelson(Kansas State)-A white receiver, can you effing believe it? I'm still in shock. Nelson, a white dude who runs extremely fast. Wait a second. Did I mention he is white? Anyways, he had 122 catches for 1606 yards which both are second only to Crabtree. For a white guy that is amazing.

Mario Manningham(Michigan)-Super Mario had another stellar season. Most likely his last for the Maize and Blue when he decides to enter the NFL Draft, Manningham had over a 1000 yards receiving while catching 11 TDs.

Honorable mentions: James Hardy(Indiana), Percy Harvin(Florida), Devin Thomas(Michigan State)

TIGHT END

Travis Beckum(Wisconsin)-High expectations going into this season didn't slow down Beckum in Madison. With nearly a 1000 yards receiving and 73 catches, Beckum was the most consistent tight end in the country despite having an average QB throwing him the ball. Plus he is so good one of his o-lineman tried to give him head(picture right). Geez guys, get a room.

Honorable mention: Fred Davis(USC)

OFFENSIVE LINE
Jake Long(Michigan)-He almost got taken off this list after seeing him thrown around a couple of times against Ohio State. More than likely the first o-lineman to be taken in the draft, Long finished his career 0-4 against the Buckeyes.

Anthony Collins(Kansas)-What has the world come to when I'm putting freaking Jayhawks on my All-American team? Collins was a monster all season and a reason why the Jayhawks were so efficient on offense.

Jonathan Luigs(Arkansas)-Reason #2 Arkansas is so good at running the ball the past three seasons. The #1 reason of course is D-MAC and Felix Jones.

Adam Spieker(Missouri)-What does MIZZOU mean? I don't get it, there are no Z's in Missouri. Is it redneck for show me? Oh yeah, Spieker dominated the line of scrimmage all season.

Michael Oher(Ole Miss)-This guy scares the living piss out of me. Just looking at his picture I had a little trickle come out. He is on this list strictly because I want to live for another 30 good drinking years of my life.

I will be posting my defensive All-American team as soon as my diarhea goes away. I had Mexican for lunch.

TONY LARUSSA HATES SCOTT ROLEN
St. Louis Cardinals thirdbaseman Scott Rolen has been a hot trade topic during the winter meetings and I guess now we know why. Manager/light weight wine connoseiur Tony Larussa can't stand his guts. My first guess was it had something to do with Larussa demanding his star player to be his designated driver but there is much more to the story. Apparently Rolen isn't a team player and has no desire to play for the Cardinals or Larussa.

As for the rift with Rolen, La Russa said, "I can't remember ever being the combination of mystified and concerned as I am about this situation."

La Russa admitted hostilities began after Rolen expressed unhappiness over the way he was treated while suffering shoulder problems last year but indicated the veteran third-sacker was off-base.

"I think he has put some things in his mind, and I think he needs to understand that our Cardinals have given him a lot since he's gotten there. He's been given a contract, he's been given a couple of World Series, he's been given a world championship, been a part of it, and he's given back some. But he needs to give back more."

As for Rolen's desire to be traded, La Russa said, "The whole idea isn't to please Scott. It's to take care of the St. Louis Cardinals. I don't understand why he can be down on the Cardinals. I don't understand why he can be down on me, to be honest.

"The idea is to accommodate the St. Louis Cardinals, our team, our responsibility to our players and to the competition. So, no, I don't want to accomodate Scott.

"What I care about is that he re-establish his stature as a major league, productive star. He needs to understand that he has slipped. Not in his play, but just in the way he's perceived in being the Scott they knew for years. It's in his best interests, and I think that means a lot to him. He can play mad every day if he wants to. That's OK."

I think the moral of the story is for Larussa to start bumming rides from other people when he has a little too much to drink. No wonder the Cardinals have been talking to the Orioles about Miguel Tejada, another player whose performance is slipping with every missing B-12 supplement down the drain.

THE AWARD FOR THE MOST RIDICULOUS TRADE RUMOR
Goes to this supposed rumor from a "trusted source who is a New York sportswriter."
I'm sorry, I couldn't even type that last sentence without laughing my ass off. Here is how it would go down according to MLBTradeRumors:

Mets get Johan Santana, Bobby Crosby and Dan Johnson
A's get Jose Reyes and Kevin Mulvey
Twins get Dan Haren and Hector Pellot

If you haven't checked out MLBTradeRumors then I would highly recommend it for it's entertainment value. The guy who runs the site, Tim Dierkes, does an excellent job of keeping up with all the MLB beat writers and usually breaks the news on big trades or a signing before ESPN gets to it. With that being said I can't see how this trade would ever be made. First off I can't ever imagine the Mets trading Jose Reyes unless they get absolutely blown away by a package. Reyes is an absolute stud and despite his horrific stretch run in which his slump led to some Met's fans to blame him for not making the playoffs last year there is still no way I would trade him. And despite what Peter Gammons says Bobby Crosby is not a MVP type player and he is not even close to being in the same discussion with Reyes in terms of talent and performance on the Major League level. Plus I still believe Santana is going to the Red Sox they just need to iron out a contract extension with him before the trade is finalized.

But you know a trusted New York sportswriter says it so it must have some truth to it...right?

GEORGIA TECH INTERVIEWING NAVY'S PAUL JOHNSON
According to Tony Barnhart of the AJC, Navy head coach Paul Johnson is in Atlanta today interviewing for the open position at Georgia Tech. With Randy Edsall going back to UCONN and other candidates such as Auburn's Will Muschamp and Florida's Charlie Strong not being asked back for a second interview, it appears that Johnson would be the leading candidate for the job if the interview goes well today with athletic director Dan Radakovich. Johnson has prior coaching experience in the state, leading Georgia Southern to National Championships in 1999 and 2000.

We all know what he did at Navy, turning a 1 win team into a force while leading the Midshipmen to their 5th consecutive bowl game this season. Johnson in my opinion would be a major coup for the Yellow Jackets. The guy can flat out coach and as of now his only other interview has been with SMU. I would not be surprised to hear he has accepted the Georgia Tech position by the end of tomorrow if he is in fact offered the job. The only other candidate is current interim coach/defensive coordinator Jon Tenuta who has been rumored to be leaving the Flats to take the coordinator position at LSU under Les Miles.

NEW SHIRT
It has been way overdue but we finally came out with a shirt that basically gives the old FU to the BCS. The BC$ Bowl Corrupt System t-shirt is designed to let everyone know how you feel about the BCS. This shirt is charcoal and the design is distressed/worn to give it a vintage look and feel. Spread the word Sportscrack heads about the new shirt, they are on sale now starting at a low price of $15.

TIGERS ACQUIRE MIGUEL CABRERA AND DONTRELLE WILLIS?
The deal hasn't been finalized but it is being reported the Detroit Tigers and the Florida Marlins have agreed to a deal in place that would send All-Stars Cabrera and Willis for young studs Cameron Maybin, Andrew Miller, and four other prospects.

Wow, this would make the Tigers on par with the Red Sox in my opinion.

I will have more on this trade later if in fact it is true and not some Peter Gammons/Buster Olney BS fluff we get every year.

UPDATE: It's being reported as a done deal now on ESPN. Excellent trade for both teams and indeed an enormous blockbuster pulled off finally. Makes you wonder what the Angels are going to do now? Rumored to be close to making a deal for Cabrera for some of their hot shot prospects, it would seem they would give the Baltimore Orioles a call now for pitcher Erik Bedard and Miguel Tejada. If the Angels offer SS Brandon Wood, SP Jered Weaver, SP Nick Adenhart, and C Jeff Mathis I think the O's would make the deal.

CHAMPIONSHIPS AND PORN
Our favorite New Yorker, Carl, is back and ready to let you know what he thinks about the Buckeyes, or Suckeyes as he says...

Breaking Carl's Sanity.

BART SCOTT'S COMMENTS
Wow, last night was one of the most entertaining Monday Night Football games I have ever watched. I was pulling hard for the Ravens to close it out but I had this feeling the Patriots were going to win it in the end because God loves anything associated with Boston right now. Anywho, the Raven's defense was playing with more intensity than a room full of deranged monkeys pumped with speed and banana peels.

Clutching, screaming, cursing, holding, spitting. It was all there to be watched on a frigid night in Charm City. Pretty boy Tom Brady was getting more frustrated than the first time he found out Giselle had a dick. Seriously people, she has an adam's apple bigger than her balls.

But to top it all off Raven's linebacker Bart Scott went completely berserk on one of the referees. Apparently the ref called teammate Samari Rolle a "boy" and this set off Scott.

Asked about his meltdown on national television which accumulated more than 30 yards in penalties, Scott had this to say about the refereeing...

TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES
I've been having some technical problems with my DSL modem. By technical I mean the stupid thing is not working and I'm about to go ape shit on it soon. I got a lot of things to say about the Monday Night meltdown by the Baltimore Ravens, the latest Hot Stove talk, and wanted to express my love and desire to marry the BCS so I could constantly be fucked over every year.

But until I get Bellsouth to get their lazy asses out here to fix it then I'm pretty much screwed. I'm typing this in a Kinko's right now, next to a man who looks like he loves little boys. And no, I'm not looking at the mirror right now assholes!

Here is a visual of how confused my modem is right now...


UPDATE: I just found out it wasn't my modem alone with problems with connecting. AJC.com is reporting there was an outage throughout the Southeast...

AT&T Inc. customers in the Southeast United States were unable to connect to the Internet through their DSL service for several hours Monday night because of an equipment problem, a company spokesman said.

I wonder if they will refund me some money back for emotional distress? Emotional distress is guy code for less alone time with internet porn.

HERBSTREIT JUST SAID THE BCS WORKED OUT
I got nothing but apparently Herbie pockets are filled with blood money from the BCS committee. Next thing you know we are going to have some douche from ESPN tell us that Blacks don't deserve to vote because they aren't smart enough. Makes sense right ESPN?

INITIAL THOUGHTS
The BCS is still the most fucked up ridiculous system made up in all of sports. The match ups make no sense and again the polls were a complete joke.

Before today Ohio State and Georgia were #3 and #4 in the BCS rankings. Today Ohio State is #1 and Georgia somehow dropped to #5 even though both teams didn't play yesterday. Ohio State rose in the rankings because of Missouri and West Virginia both choking yesterday but Georgia drops because they played a tougher schedule and in a tougher conference than any other team besides LSU. Makes sense right?

Of course not. Again the voters listened to the ESPN "experts" and decided to jump LSU, a team who a week ago lost for the second time in 5 weeks to an unranked Arkansas team in Baton Rouge, from #7 to #2 after an impressive win over Tennessee in which Erik Ainge gift wrapped, shoved his ass down the chimney, and delivered a win personally for LSU.

But the BCS Championship game is besides the point. What the hell is up with these match ups? Why can't we ever have the best teams play against each other according to rankings? How in the bloody hell did Kansas and Illinois make a BCS game over Missouri? Because the last time I checked Missouri beat them both and was just ranked #1 in the country up until a few hours ago.

Are you shitting me with USC playing Illinois in the Rose Bowl? Illinois does not deserve to be in a BCS game point blank. The Big Ten was shit all year and the fact that two teams from the conference made it just emphasizes how corrupt the whole system is. But at least we can watch Ohio State and Illinois get killed playing in stadiums which are essentially home games for LSU and USC. That seems fair, I can't wait to get my beer and popcorn ready for those games after waiting 5 fucking weeks of NBA highlights on ESPN.

I have no problem with Hawaii in one of the BCS games but I think they should have been playing in the Rose or the Fiesta Bowl. Don't dick over their fans by putting them in SEC country against a SEC opponent and make them fly 4211 miles to get there. We need to stop with this pompous Big Ten vs. Pac-10 bullshit in the Rose Bowl. I'm sick of it. Nobody gives a shit about it anymore. We want to see the two best teams play against each other in all of these games but instead we get to watch Illinois get destroyed by USC.

Virginia Tech moving up to #3 in the BCS rankings is garbage too. I'm sorry but there is no way in hell the Hokies are the third best team in the country. Georgia, USC,and Oklahoma would destroy Virginia Tech on a neutral field.

I guess the reason why I'm so sick and tired of all this BCS BS is because I love college football so much. I hate having to argue over who deserves what and why this team should play for it and not.

GIVE US A PLAYOFF!!

We live in the greatest country in the world (Sorry Canadians, it's a fact) and yet we can't get a fucking playoff system going in D1 football when every other sport has a playoff system. Ever since we strapped on our shoulder pads in Pop Warner football we had playoffs to decide who is the champion of the league. But the presidents and jack off bowl officials and major corporate sponsors have their money in so many deep pockets that we can devise a playoff system. Fuck them. Fuck them.

I want my playoff. I want it waiting in my bed, panties wet, legs spread and ready for me and my millions of other friends to watch it and love it.

Don't jerk me off with this bullshit BCS anymore.

FUCK THE BCS.

#1 and #2 FALL
So the question remains, who deserves to be playing for the National Title?

We know Ohio State is in it by default by winning the Big Ten. But does Georgia get in despite not winning their own division in the SEC East? LSU won the SEC but got beat by an unranked Arkansas squad at home last week and gave up over 50 points in the process. Kansas lost last week to Missouri. Virginia Tech got destroyed by LSU and won a horrible conference. USC lost to Stanford.

Honestly I don't know who deserves it. Maybe none of those teams deserve a shot at the National Title. What about Hawaii if they beat Washington? They would be the only undefeated team in the nation.

This season has been one huge clusterfuck. My head hurts, I'm going to sleep.

The BCS Apocalypse has begun.

LES MILES PRESS CONFERENCE

Miles: "There was misinformation on ESPN and I think it's imperative that I straighten it out. I'm the head coach at LSU, I will be the head coach at LSU, I have no interest in talking to anyone else. I have a championship game to play and I'm excited about the opportunity of my damn strong football team to play in it. And that's really all I'd like to say. It's unfortunate I had to address my team with this information this morning. With that being done, I think we'll be ready to play. There will be no questions for me; I represent me in this issue, please ask me after. I'm busy. Thank you very much, and have a great day."

Miles is playing the $$ game and screwing his alma mater at the same time. Fuck, I hope this never ends...

MICHIGAN'S NEXT COACH
All they have to do is offer him some land in Montana, Lakers Tickets, and a brand new truck along with a substantial raise and you can get a shiny new...

Nothing would shock me now in regards to Michigan football.

MILES TO STAY AT LSU?
Jesus effing Christ, make up your mind you crazy bastard. Either ESPN totally jumped the gun on the previous report or Les Miles is playing head games with everybody.

The latest, as of 1:30 pm is he is staying according to MLIVE

A 1:45 p.m. press conference has been scheduled by LSU prior to today's Southeastern Conference title game between the Tigers and Tennessee to announce the new deal and its terms.

LSU will reportedly make Miles one of the highest-paid coaches in the country.

Earlier in the day, ESPN's Kirk Herbstreit reported Miles has agreed to become Michigan's next coach and will be introduced at a press conference next week. Herbstreit also said that Georgia Tech defensive coordinator Jon Tenuta would accept the same position on Miles' staff at Michigan.

But LSU and its coach were already putting the finishing touches on a deal to keep him in the SEC.

Stay tuned, apparently nobody wants the Michigan job.

WEEKEND PREDICTIONS

Army at Navy(-14.5)
Prediction: Navy 42 Army 10

Virginia Tech(-4.5) vs. Boston College
Prediction: Virginia Tech 20 Boston College 13

Tennessee(+6.5) vs. LSU
Prediction: Tennessee 31 LSU 28

UCLA at USC(-19.5)
Prediction: USC 38 UCLA 14

PITT at West Virginia(-29)
Prediction: West Virginia 55 Pitt 20

Oklahoma(-3) vs. Missouri
Prediction: Oklahoma 35 Missouri 31

Washington(+14) at Hawaii
Prediction: Hawaii 28 Washington 24

LES MILES AND JON TENUTA TO MICHIGAN
ESPN's Kirk Herbstreit has just confirmed that Les Miles will be named Michigan's head coach next week and is bringing Georgia Tech's defensive coordinator Jon Tenuta with him as the new DC. I'm not a huge fan of Miles and I think his act will get real old with Michigan fans rather quickly but I love the hire of Tenuta. He brings an aggressive, blitzing style of defense that recruits love and players excel in.

UPDATE: THE PIGFUCKERS AT ESPN JUST PULLED THE VIDEO OF HERBIE ANNOUNCING MILES TO MICHIGAN.

So in short, Miles bad but Tenuta very good.

And the Sportscrack gal Ashley approves...

R.I.P. EVEL KNIEVEL

Sadly an American Icon past away today at the age of 69. Evel was before my generation but I admired the guy because he was so fucking insane trying to pull off tricks. The above youtube video is his failed attempt to make a jump at Caesar's Palace in 1980. Knievel recently settled a lawsuit with rapper Kanye West two days ago over West using his likeness in one of his videos.

The original X game type of athlete, Knievel would have shit all over these young punk asses today. At least that is what my Grandmother tells me.

May all your jumps in Heaven actually succeed this time.

SERIOUSLY HUSKIES, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU GUYS?
It's one thing to hire a stoic golfer as your head coach and further dig yourself into the proverbial shitter in the PAC-10, but now you have William Hung performing at halftime...

I wouldn't be surprised if Hung banged two of those cheerleaders. Cheerleaders dig celebrities and as painful as it is to admit that Hung is indeed one of them there is no doubt that if Screech can have gang bangs with hot chicks in Las Vegas that Hung could pull two little Huskies.

"She bangs, She bangs"-yes they do.

METS ARE IDIOTS!
According to published reports the New York Mets have just traded young stud outfielder Lastings Milledge to the Washington Nationals for Ryan Church and Brian Schneider.

I shit you not!


Milledge was the Met's #1 bargaining chip for GM Omar Mineya and yet all they got was an average catcher and a 4th outfielder in the deal. The Mets need pitching so unless the guys they just acquired are used for trade chips to get a starting pitcher like Dan Haren then this was a horrible move. This might wind up there as bad of a deal as when they traded Scott Kazmir to the Rays for Victor Zambrano.

Looks like GM Jim Bowden picked up a great player of the future in Milledge. If the 23 year old kid can keep his head straight he should have a great career playing in the new ballpark in Washington.

If you hear a roar in the distance it's Phillies and Braves fans laughing their asses off and cheering for this trade. The Mets just took another step in the wrong direction.

OH NO, HERE WE GO AGAIN
It was only a matter of time before Sean Taylor's death became the media's obsession with race issues. Surely not the first to open the can of worms, FoxSports Jason Whitlock writes his views in surprising candor...

"Within hours of his death, there was a story circulating that members of the black press were complaining that news outlets were disrespecting Taylor's victimhood by reporting on his troubled past

No disrespect to Taylor, but he controlled the way he would be remembered by the way he lived. His immature, undisciplined behavior with his employer, his run-ins with law enforcement, which included allegedly threatening a man with a loaded gun, and the fact a vehicle he owned was once sprayed with bullets are all pertinent details when you've been murdered.

Let's cut through the bull(manure) and deal with reality. Black men are targets of black men. Period. Go check the coroner's office and talk with a police detective. These bullets aren't checking W-2s.

Rather than whine about white folks' insensitivity or reserve a special place of sorrow for rich athletes, we'd be better served mustering the kind of outrage and courage it took in the 1950s and 1960s to stop the white KKK from hanging black men from trees."

Whitlock just flamed the fire with those statements. Whether or not you agree with him is not the point, but it irritates me that it takes a famous athlete dying to promote outrage over a senseless murder. From all accounts I have read and seen, Taylor was not this thug he is being made out to be. The gun incident in 2005 was him brandishing his legal gun to the individual or individuals who were trying to steal his personal property which happened to be one of his all terrain vehicles. It was no different than if somebody tried to steal your car or broke into your house. Under our laws we have the right to bear arms to protect ourselves and our property. So please stop labeling Taylor a thug because of the misinformed gun incident of 2005.

And from all accounts since Taylor's daughter was born his life had changed for the better if you ask people who actually knew him. Redskin teammate Clinton Portis had this to say to the Washington Post:

“It’s hard to expect a man to grow up overnight. But ever since he had this child it was like a new Sean. And everybody around here knew it. He was always smiling, always happy, always talking about his child.”

I was hoping that some how, some way, the media would not make Taylor's death
a race issue. It isn't a race issue but more a social economical issue. People were jealous of Taylor's wealth and took it out on him. Whether or not you are black, white, or whatever melatonin your skin is shouldn't matter especially when it comes to somebody being murdered.

Taylor was a victim of a brutal crime plain and simple. For this reason we should all hope that whom ever is responsible be caught and given swift justice. This is the America I love.

GEORGIA TECH INTERVIEWING UCONN'S EDSALL
Well it appears the Yellow Jackets have taken my warning to heart with Slick Rick and are now interviewing UCONN's head football coach Randy Edsall for the position at Tech.

Connecticut football coach Randy Edsall left his school's campus on Thursday to interview for the Georgia Tech job, The Hartford Courant, citing unnamed sources, reported on its Web site.

Edsall would be the most logical of choices for Tech considering he has proven himself at Connecticut and is a former defensive coordinator at Tech back in 1998.

The question remains though if they hire Edsall what happens with interim/defensive coordinator coach Jon Tenuta? Tech's defense has been ranked high in most defensive categories since Tenuta took over and it could become interesting to see if Edsall retains him or brings in a whole new coaching staff. If I were Tech I would be inquiring who was Edsall's choice to bring in for offensive coordinator. Current offensive coordinator John Bond failed in his first season on the Flats to develop QB Taylor Bennett and I would presume his position would be filled by somebody else.

BRETT FAVRE INJURED, OUT OF GAME
CLICK HERE FOR THE LATEST ALONG WITH A LIVE, FREE FEED OF THE GAME TONIGHT. It's a right elbow injury and Aaron Rodgers is in the game.

TOMMY TUBERVILLE TO ARKANSAS

KNWA of Arkansas is reporting that current Auburn Head Coach Tommy Tuberville has agreed to take the Arkansas head coaching position replacing Houston Nutt.

Shit fire boys and gals, I must admit I am completely shocked by this move by Tuberville. It seems like a step down in my opinion. Must have been some major ass $$$ involved. I'm talking more money than they give Darren McFadden.

TAMPA RAYS BALLPARK PLANS
Apparently what ever architect drew up the plans for the new Tampa Bay Rays stadium has an affinity for acid and grew up a Montreal Expos fan. This monstrosity is inspired by sail boats (not kidding) and even includes a 320-foot-tall mast that would essentially cover the field when it rains. Think of it as thousands of feet of plastic wrap that will probably get blown away when the first hurricane comes through.

Or maybe they could use it to protect the players and fans from all the seagull shit that will surely rain down.

The initial "ballpark" estimate in cost is $700 million for the new Tropicana project. Not one single brick would be used for the stadium because officials down in Tampa want to shun the "retro" look of ballparks today and make something uniquely their own. Rrriiiggghhhttt!


You stay classy Tampa!

SAY IT AIN'T SO GEORGIA TECH
The latest rumor around Bobby Dodd Stadium is Rick Neuheisel might be getting the offer for head coach. The AJC has the full report here about Raven's coach Brian Billick pushing Neuheisel onto the Yellow Jacket's hands.

First off, "Slick Rick" is a shady ass coach. He's used ineligible players and committed multiple NCAA rule infractions including feathering his hair with his vagina.

He would be a horrible, I repeat HORRIBLE hire for Georgia Tech. Currently he is the offensive coordinator for the Baltimore Ravens. Yep, he is one of the guys in charge of developing quarterbacks and putting together an offensive game plan. Last time I checked the Ravens couldn't score worth a shit or develop a quarterback. Sounds familiar doesn't it Tech fans?

Memo to Georgia Tech AD Dan Radakovich: contact Randy Edsall at Connecticut or Brian Kelly at Cincinnati and offer them the job. Better yet get down on your knees and blow. Trust me it works all the time!

DAMN YOU LARUSSA
Well I was going to go to the local Taco Mac to watch the Cowboys-Packers game tonight and knock back a few cold ones since I can't watch it at home because the NFL is a greedy organization. But now after watching this video of Tony Larussa's DUI arrest I think I might stay in and get blitzed alone again! You are a dick Larussa.

The sad part of this arrest is it could have been handled differently if the Jupiter police department took into fact people from St. Louis don't know the alphabet. I must admit I was a little disappointed Larussa wasn't wearing his Peter Gammons-tinted midnight rapist glasses when arrested.

Now you wonder why the Cardinals were such a train wreck last season. Their stinking manager can't handle two glasses of wine, how is he suppose to handle a double switch and a future Mitchell report just waiting to reveal his superstar slugger as a drug enhancing user. And no, I'm not talking about Rick Ankiel.

HT: Withleather via FanHouse

SEC POON UPDATE: GEORGIA BULLDOGS
Head on over to Poon of the SEC for their latest findings in Atlanta for the Georgia/Georgia Tech game. Of course I was down in Atlanta tailgating(in other words drinking) and it was easy to spot the UGA Poon. The whole school is dripping with hotties left and right.

On the other hand you have Georgia Tech. Umm, how do I put this politely? I'll let this video do the talking...

I think my dick just broke off watching it.

And no Georgia Fans, that is not Trinton Sturdivant in the jeans. He ain't that fucking big.

MLB HOT STOVE ACTION
With the winter meetings heating up I figured I should add my two cents to some of the rumors and signings already made.

First off I hate the Tom Glavine signing by the Braves. The Braves had two reliable starters last season in John Smoltz and Tim Hudson but after that the rotation consisted of 5 day old Mexican food. Instead of going after a couple of great lefties still in their prime like Johan Santana and Erik Bedard, they instead wasted $8 million on a washed up semen rag of a pitcher.
Don't get me wrong, Glavine is a Hall of Fame pitcher and would be worth having 10 years ago. But now he blows. Plus he is an enormous douchebag who is all about the money. He left Atlanta for the Mets in 2002 because the Mets offered up a deal worth a few million dollars more than the Braves offered. Glavine is the epitome of what is wrong with today's player$. In short I hope he fucking blows his elbow out and his name appears on the Mitchell Report. He deserves it and don't get fooled by the lovey dovey bullshit about him taking a hometown discount of $8 million to come back to the Braves. With the Braves losing Andruw Jones and Edgar Renteria and only adding shithead Glavine I think they have taken a step back.

Moving along, how in the hell did Torii Hunter get $90 million? I know the guy is a gold glove centerfielder but didn't the Angels just overpay in order to sign Gary Matthew Jr. last season to play centerfield? I'm confused. Hunter is a good player and sometimes deserves to be an All-Star but he is no superstar. It scares me to think of what Andruw Jones will get in the open market because he is a much better player than Torii. Hunter will never be worth the amount of money the Angels paid him because he isn't a star player like Vlad. But fuck it, it's not my money and the Angels still can't decide if they are playing their games in Anaheim or Los Angeles.

Who will trade for Johan Santana? That is the potentially $200 million dollar question. If the Red Sox include stud centerfielder of the present/future in Jacoby Ellsbury along with Jon Lester, Justin Masterson, and Jed Lowrie then the deal will be made. If I was the Red Sox I wouldn't trade Ellsbury because I think he will be a great player for a long time plus Lester has the potential to be a really good middle of the rotation starter. But of course dominating lefty starters don't grow on trees and Santana would be filthy in a Sox uni. So if your Theo Epstein you have to make the decision of keeping future stars which could help build a dynasty in the next 5-10 years or you can get Santana and be THE dynasty right now. Also the fucking Yankees come into play and you know they would jump at the chance to get Santana after overpaying to resign Mariano Rivera and Jorge Posado. Reportedly the Yankees don't want to give up Joba Chamberlain in a deal and if this is true they are idiots. Chamberlain will flame out in 2-3 years.

The Baltimore Orioles are looking to rebuild...haha, I'm sorry, haven't they been rebuilding for a decade now? Excuse me while I wipe the blood spewing from my ears. Fucking Angelos. Any who, the O's are taking offers for stud lefty starter Bedard,
shortstop/going to switch to thirdbaseman Miguel Tejada, and thirdbaseman Melvin Mora. Supposedly the Angels and Dodgers are the two most heavily involved with talks for Bedard. Bedard still has two years left on his current contract and is just reaching the prime of his career. The O's should be able to get at least 2 high end prospects along with a relief pitcher for Bedard. He posted better numbers than Santana last year while playing on a horrible team. If the Dodgers are willing to trade Clayton Kershaw and Matt Kemp then I think the O's should make the trade. Kershaw is a future stud lefty and Kemp could step in and play centerfield immediately for the Orioles. Plus the Dodgers get a great lefty in Bedard who would be huge for them in overtaking the Diamondbacks and the Rockies in their division.

As for Miguel Tejada, the O's should ask for Brandon Wood from the Angels and nothing more. The Angels need a shortstop and Tejada would be a great bat for their lineup protecting Vlad. Wood would be the O's future 3B and help the rebuilding process by coming up in a lineup with present superstar in the making in Nick Markakis and a future one in draft pick Matt Wieters. I repeat the O's have to make these trades if they are serious about being a competitive team in the AL East. If you ask any O's fan if they would be happy with a future middle of the lineup consisting of Markakis, Kemp, Wood, and Wieters they would probably rip your pants down and fellate away. In regards to Melvin Mora they should trade him to the Phillies for a couple of pitching prospects.

The St. Louis Cardinals need a shortstop after declining their option on David Eckstein. Jack Wilson would be a good fit in St. Louis while packaging him with Matt Morris for one of the Cardinals young pitchers.

Kudos goes out to the Twins and Rays for making a blockbuster trade yesterday. The Twins get Delmon Young who should develop into a great hitter after finishing second in the ROY voting this season. The Rays get young righty starter Matt Garza which gives them an extremely talented young rotation with Scott Kazmir and Jamie Shields. I know the Rays suck ass but a lot of teams would kill just to have one of those three young guns in their rotation. With that being said I'm sure the Rays will find some way to screw it up.

WAIT A SECOND, THAT CAN NOT BE...

I finally got all my shit together and was getting ready to write a good article about the latest MLB Hot Stove rumors going on and then I came upon this picture. Now that I have seen it I have to question everything I see on television. I mean there is no way an actress like her could let herself go this way. I heard she just got engaged and now wonder if she fell madly in love with a Dunkin Donuts manager.

Anyways, don't send your hate mail to me. This is BarstoolSports fault! I'm still trying to convince myself it isn't real.

Oh yeah, click here to see who it is.

WTF HAPPENED TO SNOOP DOGG?

What you just watched above is Snoop's new video for Sensual Seduction. I'm not sure what I think about it other than I miss the old Snoop. I miss the sexual deviant who would poor out his juice on his ho's heads and shit. This Sensual Seduction song is the shit you hear on the dance floor when all the girls decide to pick their drunk mate for the night. I guess the song is good for most guys in a way because it will get girls all ready to bone but I think it sounds cheesy. Plus I hate those stupid ass clubs like FEVER here in Atlanta that all the douchebags go to and spike up their frosted hair while dancing with their girls/whores/strippers who are really just out looking for more blow. This is where this song is destined to be played for the next 2 years. I don't want to hear it at my local watering hole while I cry into my dark Guinness and wonder why I smell and look like an old tent with urine stains. Anyways, be ready to be bombarded with this song every hour for the next 6 months if you listen to the radio.

COLLEGE FOOTBALL TOP 10
Just one more regular season weekend in this bat shit crazy, makes no effing sense college football season. Of course last week we had the top 2 teams go down faster than Britney Spears on a McDonald's french fry so you know this week should be another week of upsets. This week's top 10 is brought to you by Big Funbags who bring you beer.

1. Missouri Tigers-Chase Daniel made Kansas his bitch last week in Arrowhead Stadium. He told her what he was going to do and then did it without any hesitation. I still can't believe I have Mizzou, fucking Mizzou, as the #1 team in the country. More than likely it will be short lived after they lose to Oklahoma in the Big 12 Championship.

2. West Virginia Mountaineers-People are already starting to pile on West Virginia saying they have benefited from an easy schedule and shouldn't get the chance to play for the NC. I'm not one of them. I think the backfield quartet of Pat White, Steve Slaton, Owen Schmitt, and Noel Devine would run all over teams like LSU and USC. They are now in the dreaded #2 spot which has been hell on all other occupants. They have Pitt this week. If Dave Wanny wasn't their coach I would pick Pitt in an upset. West Virginia will destroy Pitt in Morgantown.

3. Ohio State Buckeyes-Played a bullshit schedule and almost went undefeated. If they manage to squeeze into the BCS Title game they could be embarrassed again.

4. Georgia Bulldogs-The hottest team in college football right now, the Dawgs destroyed the Yellow Jackets last week but still are not playing in the SEC Championship this week thanks to the Volunteers win over Kentucky. A Rose Bowl match up with USC would be great TV.

5. LSU Tigers-Les Miles needs to shut his fucking mouth and stop campaigning for his team's right to go to the BCS Title game. You lost two games to a 5 loss team and a 4 loss team. Shut your damn pie hole and just take the Michigan job already.

6. Kansas Jayhawks-The Fighting Mangino's gave it their all against Mizzou but just came short on the scoreboard. Nothing to hang your head about, Kansas fans should be ecstatic they are going to a BCS game. I tip my hat to their unbelievable season so far.

7. Oklahoma Sooners-They get a chance to beat Mizzou twice in one season while also playing for a Big 12 Championship and a right to a BCS game. It should be plenty of motivation along with a healthy Sam Bradford to ruin Mizzou's season.

8. USC Trojans-Dude, you lost to fucking Stanford and still have a shot at winning the PAC-10 with a win over the horrendous UCLA Bruins. Just another reason to punch any dipshit who tries to make an argument that the PAC-10 is in the same league as the SEC.

9. Virginia Tech-They are having their typical Frank Beamer season racking up 9-10 wins against inferior competition. Congrats on that, now go beat Boston College in the ACC Championship.

10. Hawaii Warriors-I was wrong about this team last week. They are the best Non-BCS conference team in the land. If they beat Washington this week they have earned a right to play in a BCS bowl game only because I would rather watch them play then some boring ass ACC team.

Just missed the cut: Florida Gators, Illinois Fighting Illini, Arizona State SunDevils, Boston College Eagles

TO ALL NEW YORKERS
This is the perfect cartoon tribute in honor of all your insane babbling. The BCS is broken down by the #1 Giants fan in the whole wide New York Metropolis. As I have always said, New York is where crazy assholes are born to live and Florida is where they eventually go to bitch and die.


Hmmm, Boston Can Suck it, I think I like it. Fuck, I'm becoming one of those a-holes. Must abort Carl from memory!

Video: WithLeather via Adultswim

THE COACHING CAROUSEL
It didn't take long for Ole Miss to find their new coach in Houston Nutt. Erik over at DeepSouthSports gives his take with guarded optimism. The crazy bastard brings lunacy to a program that for my lifetime has always sucked and probably always will blow nuts minus the one season David Cutcliffe was there with Eli Manning. And oh yeah, good job firing Cutcliffe by the way Ole Miss and replacing him with the Ragin Cajun Ogre and only giving him 3 years! Clearly this was a racist move on their part. Ogre racism must not be tolerated. Guys like Mark Mangino, Ralph Friedgen, and Charlie Weis would still be coordinators eating 5000 calories a day while sitting in a dark room drawing up plays with french fries and Little Debbies.

Anyways, here is a rather hysterical look at the butchering of college football coaches by no other than America's favorite Governator...

Kudos to TigerDroppings for the clip.